Last Sunday, 90’s animation fans viewing Fox’s Animated Domination block might’ve noticed that their brains were on fire. I wouldn’t know. I’m so goddamned cool, I haven’t watched a new episode of The Simpsons in years…

Of course I’ve watched The Simpsons recently! I wrote up the Simpsons Roasting on an Open Fire Christmas special just last year and had my mind blown all over again. But this… this is an entirely different mindgasm.

I don’t know why I’ve always thought of Ren & Stimpy and The Simpsons as “feuding,” because the only battle they were ever really ever embroiled in was the fight for my attention and devotion 20 years ago. But I’m a one man demographic, so I doubt anyone noticed. Whatever the case, it was nice to see the two toon titans of my formal years lay down arms (even in my own brain) as John Kricfalusi directed The Simpsons’ opening “couch gag” and it’s one of the coolest things I’ve seen the show do in years. Yes, even cooler than Banksy’s heavy-handed opening.

Christ… I love the fact that The Simpsons has become such an unshakable empire, it seems to have no qualms allowing competitors a chance to put their stamp on Homer and Bart. Jesus… this officially opens up the floodgates for a plethora of synergistic relationships with other animators. I personally recommend they reach out to the dudes from Superjail. Those dude aren’t just animation badasses, they’re practically cartoon terrorists!

Cartoon Brew has more on the piece, including notes from John K himself, along with kickass concept art from this 40 second piece of pure bliss.

Slate.com offers an awesomely easy way to breakdown you favorite characters into proper pantoned ethnicity! See full pic after the jump…

Goddamn, this is great. First thing I loved is how this interactive chart can help you be a better animated bigot!

Click on over here to play with Slate’s interactive version

Note how not all colored characters are created equal. Bart Simpson and Top Cat could both be categorized as “yellow,” yet real world wars have broken out between cultures of similarly distinguished pigmentation.

Plucky, Genie, Grinch, Gazoo, Turtles – Christ, my head is spinning!

Another thing I couldn’t help but notice is that much of the wheel (roughly half) comprises blue and green characters, and most of which remain all-time personal favorites. It reminds me of a rejected Muppet t-shirt design from a recent Threadless contest involving a kickass premium Muppet Green Album pack. You should probably buy that, actually.

Why are the so few shirts about rainbows?!

Almost FIFTEEN years since the last episode aired, Rocko finally gets a “modern” DVD release…
You’d think if anybody’d be capable of keeping up with the times, it’d be the eternally youth-centered Nickelodeon. I’m not sure what the channel has against DVDs, but it seemingly gave up on Complete Season sets long ago, or possibly doesn’t care. The Spongebob Christmas disc I bought brand new late last year came with an insert prominently promoting it’s fucking VHS line! Nick’s stuck to those infuriating, price-gouging Volume sets, which constantly go out of print and feature a mish-mash of unrelated episodes. Shout Factory! to the rescue!

An unmistakable look and a true classic

Just in time for DVD’s near obsolescence (the show’s been previously available via Netflix Insta-Watch and through Amazon’s manufacture-on-demand service,) Filbert, Spunky, Heffer, the Bigheads, and Rocko’s tropical Seussian world are finally heading to fans in full Season One set on June 21st! Better still, you can currently preorder it Rocko’s Modern Life – Season 1 for $14.99?!?!? Looky at that fantastic cover art!

Gorgeous…

If you’re not familiar with Shout Factory!, they’re the distribution company seemingly committed to keeping my flames of nostalgia burning bright for all eternity, consistently releasing phenomenal DVD sets for stuff big companies don’t seem to want to bother with. Sonic the Hedgehog, Mario, MST3K, Transformers, Home Movies, and on the non-animated side, they’ve done a stellar job getting underrated shows like My So-Called Life and Freaks and Geeks to the audience they deserve.

Previously on A Cartoon Christmas…

It’s all part of a new partnership between Nickelodeon and Shout Factory!, which kicks off on May 17th, with a Wild Thornberrys – Season 1 set. I’ve been waiting for this for some time, since Rocko’s second season has a Christmas episode I’ve been dying to write up here, yet never been able to get a copy decent enough to pull images from. Now there’s hope! A physical release with a proper transfer is always preferable, which I’ll emphasize below in this shot I composited from A Spongebob Christmas, and I’ll even weave all this together with a bit of trivia: You know where Spongebob Squarepants creator Stephen Hillenberg and voice Tom Kenny both got their start in animation together? Rocko’s Modern Life, baby!

You’re welcome, internet!

THE SPONGEBOB SQUAREPANTS CHRISTMAS SPECIAL
Original Air Date: December 6, 2000

A live-action pirate shepherds viewers through Bikini Bottom’s very first Christmas

BACKSTORY:

Stephen Hillenburg career path to becoming one of the leading animators of his day is a strange one, however, oddly befitting of his most notable contribution beloved the world over.

Pre-Sponge shows worked on by Hillenburg

Before landing gigs on Mother Goose & Grimm and Rocko’s Modern Life, Hillenburg actually taught marine biology in California. But doodling oceanic strips, hosted by a character named “Bob the Sponge” eventually sent him into the field of animation.

Some of the most iconic cartoon characters of this generation

Following the end of Rocko’s Modern Life, Hillenburg brought the undersea cartoon idea to Nickelodeon and Spongebob Squarepants was deployed onto the airwaves in 1999, where it became enormously popular and has remained so ever since. Spongebob starred in his first movie in 2004, and the show has won dozens of awards during it’s impressive decade-long run.

BACKSTORY:

Long after I should’ve grown up and barred from returning to Nickelodeon, this show made me brave the embarrassment, sort of becoming my secret shame.

“Are you ready, kids?!”

I’d sneak home between breaks in my college classes to head home watch Spongebob when no one else was around. Should one of my roommates walk in on me, I’d quickly change the channel and compose myself with all the grace of someone getting caught watching True Blood with their pants around their ankles.

Beautiful

In hindsight, I had no real reason to be ashamed on digging on the show, since the real mystery should’ve been why do kids like it so much? I mean, it’s adorable warm and colorful characters aside, I think the show can occasionally get kind of subversive. Honestly, I think Spongebob Squarepants was funny to me for a lot of the same reasons I love the Tim and Eric Awesome Show.

Illustrating the birth of Jesus through interpretive dance

Both are essentially parodies of older media. T&E send up old news, aerobics, and music videos, just as Spongebob seemingly sends up older cartoons and then adds in a dose of the humorously weird. And I’m talking right from the Clutch Cargo intro.

Christmas: A foreign concept in Bikini Bottom

Of course I’m not saying that’s the only appeal to the show, but it lept out at me in the case of A Spongebob Christmas Special because… well, look

Y’ARGH!

Recognize this guy? It’s Patchy the Pirate! Or more notably for Mr. Show fans, it’s Tom Kenny, who just so happens to be the voice of Spongebob as well (and Gary!)

Ready to learn

I’m not sure which show the special is noogieing, but I think you see what they’re getting at: A kids show hosted by an overly enthusiastic buffoon and his trusty puppet-sidekick-thing.

Weeeee

And it’s perfect; hitting all the beats, making up ones of its own, and never  goes on too long to become grating. However, you could gut these live-action intros completely and never really notice. I point them out only because of the personal revelation I had.

Ever the skeptic, Squidward refuses to correspond with Santa

Now… I wouldn’t necessarily call Patchy’s scenes useless. They’re fairly amusing, and clearly conveys to me the people involved with the show are having a good time.

Delivering letters to Santa

However, that pirate above, has all but plundered a majority of Christmas Who’s twenty or so minute runtime? What happened with Spongebob in the first half? He goes to see Sandy, and she’s gotta fill him in on how surface dwellers celebrate the Holidays, then there’s a musical number.

“Feels like Christmas to me“

Then: COMMERCIAL!

The animated portion of the special is actually titled “Christmas Who?“

And that’s the half way point. I wish there was more to talk about, because the musical number is phenomenal, featuring the shows trademark lap guitar and some of the most amazing Christmas imagery my eyes have ever had the pleasure to eat.

Jellyfish light the tree

And you know what? Not a whole lot happens, so there’s not really all that much to talk about… Would you mind if I ignored body text for a moment and just posted some gorgeous-ass visuals? Oh good, I honestly didn’t think you would…

The Krusty Crab pays pretty well

Patrick “Christmas” Star

And we’re back from commercial. Spongebob’s got the whole town psyched about the arrival of Santa Claus.

Jerk ass dick

Squidward mocks their newfound sense of Xmas Spirit, claiming there’s no such thing as St. Nick. Yet he’s clearly in the minority, so therefore he’s wrong.

Singing for arrival

The Bikini Bottom people anxiously await their first Christmas… Only Santa doesn’t come.

The hell?

And the townsfolk turn on Spongebob, as they tend to do. Although, If the TaleSpin Xmas Special taught me anything, it’s that snow where there shouldn’t be snow is proof positive of a Santa visitation.

The situation ain’t pretty

Squidward comes out to add insult to injury, scolding Spongebob for ever having faith in fucking anything.

Don’t worry, he’s gonna look like a real douche in like two seconds

Noticing he never mailed his letter, Spongbob made Squidward a present so he wouldn’t feel left out once everyone else received their gifts.

A driftwood clarinet! You shouldn’t have

Somebody needs to redeem themselves and fast. Squid’s got no choice but to don him now some gay apparel!

A vertical pan, I pieced together. Pretty, no?

And becomes he Santa. And after a harsh line of questioning, Spongey’s consciousness decides to just believe he’s the real deal, and that’s enough for him.

D’awwwwww

Spongebob is sated and Squidward is no longer the biggest dick in the ocean. But before he can take off the Santa suit, a little girl recognizes him as Claus.

“Gimme! It’s your fucking job, dude!”

And so it continues…

Another purdy pan

As it turns out Squidward ‘s miscalculated method of maintaining the ruse by simply running into his house and grabbing whatever the hell he can has all but wiped him out.

Oh well, he deserves it

But his noble deeds do not go unnoticed. Mail call!

PS – Be a better person

Looks like someone can add breathing underwater to his list of super powers.

Sorry so late

None. Since the history both have to share with us are completely contradictory to one another, the ocean and Bible do not get along.

Yes, a very blue-screen Santa!

Played by Spongebob writer, Mike Bell

A Spongebob Squarepants Christmas Special works best as long as Spongebob is on screen. The Patchy scenes are well and fine, but I began to resent them as they’re not really needed, and intrude significantly on the animated portion, which is fairly predictable. However, the music sequence is incredible, and makes me want to start some kind of music video jukebox one day. Worth an extra ball, me thinks.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Shop Amazon through us – it helps!)

The Spongebob Christmas Special/Christmas Who? aired in the show’s second season, but is also available on a standalone DVD with numerous bonus episodes loosely relating to Christmas. And as much as I’d love to recommend the fantastic Spongebob Squarepants Movie on DVD, I commend Nickelodeon for releasing this comprehensive box set called Spongebob Squarepants: The First 100 Episodes as it’s an incredible way for both collectors and fans to own everything inexpensively.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special
X-MEN: HAVE YOURSELF A MORLOCK LITTLE CHRISTMAS

2009′s Dec. 17th Christmas Special
TOY TINKERS

REN & STIMPY: SON OF STIMPY
Original Air Date: January 13, 1993

SYNOPSIS:
Stimpy becomes distraught after the birth of his first assbaby.

BACKSTORY:
Ren & Stimpy premiered in the summer of 1991, alongside Doug and Rugrats, kicking off Nickelodeon’s “Nicktoons” brand. Nick took a pretty big chance on an ambitious pilot from John Kricfalusi, an animator already fired for perceived drug references in Ralph Bakshi’s Mighty Mouse: The New Adventures.

Not for families, but for everyone else

Ren & Stimpy proved to be an immediate success, both on television and in merchandising. However, Nickelodeon and Johnny K. continuously butted heads over the unprecedented levels of violence and gross-out gags.  The network regularly censored scenes, pulled entire episodes from the air, and took great issue when production delays surpassed deadlines and projected budgets. In 1992, with work only partially completed on the second season, Kricfalusi was fired from his own show.

BREAKDOWN:
I was retarded for Ren & Stimpy as a kid. I taped every episode, proudly hung three posters of the duo in my room, and to this day, can still draw both characters freehand in spite of little-to-no artistic talent.

One of the last smile-worthy images you’ll see here

So as upset as I was at the time over Krucfalusi’s ousting, as an adult producing creative content for skittish executives, I’m starting to understand the decision a little more. Maybe Son of Stimpy, aka Stimpy’s First Fart wasn’t the straw that broke the camel’s back, but there’s more than enough fodder here – which I personally love – to give the suits plenty of reason to shitcan the guy.

Boogers, just because

According to legend (and some DVD commentary,) Nickelodeon was never all that cool with the content of the show. Some mandate was brought forth for this special, stating that John K. could present the gross stuff so long as he balanced that out with a little more wholesome “emotion.” And this was his answer: One of the most depressing things I’ve ever seen.

Melodrama drawn beautifully

Like a mischievous genie going out of his way to deliberately interpret a wish in the most backhanded and literal way possible, John K. punished his overlords with Son of Stimpy. I mean, I’m fully in support of Kricfalusi, and the show undoubtedly shit the bed after his departure, but you’ve got to imagine Nickelodeon’s shock upon receiving this episode.

Here the execs were, anxiously anticipating a Christmas-themed episode of their most popular (and oft delayed) show – hell, they’d probably already cut together promos and sold the ads – and they got this.

That about sums it up

Whether the network more hated or feared the episode, it premiered on fucking MTV! It didn’t get an airing on Nickelodeon until almost a year later, and after a series of edits.

More grossness that I missed out on

Now imagine how torturous this must have been for a boy like me, before the existence of YouTube, Tivo and the internet. Few had even seen the episode – it existed almost in rumor alone. I waited every week, VHS tape in hand, for “The Fart Episode” that never came. The word of the recess yard was all we had to even confirm that episode was real to begin with.

A simple fart brings untold tragedy

So I know this entry is filled with a little more personal information than usual, but that’s okay because not a whole lot really happens in the episode, anyway. Stimpy farts, allegedly for the first time, and births a sentient cloud of some comedic sort that he begins to refer to as his son, “Stinky.”

Stimpy cannot perform

Ren doesn’t believe him, and Stimpy grows more and more withdrawn over the loss of what he now considers his son.

Alone in the Naked City

Stimpy spends almost the entire episode moping at the brink of suicide over the loss of Stinky, while Ren fluctuates between dejected understanding and rage over his partner’s behavior.

Merry Christmas!

I hope I’m getting across the prolonged nature of these events. The show always took its time, but the pacing of this particular episode makes for humor a little darker than what most Ren & Stimpy fans are used to.

You can never go home again…

…no matter how welcome you find it

Add to this the numerous other scenes that Nickelodeon found objectionable. Nick viewers didn’t originally get to see Stimpy go to the police station to report his missing fart.

Only to be escorted out at the speed of violence

This episode also marks one of the more overt references to the twosome’s sexuality.

Ren points up to a mistletoe they’re standing underneath…

and gently elbows Stimpy in the ribs, to which he responds:

“Is that all you think about.”

Nickelodeon fought to take the scene out, John K. fought to leave the scene, etc. I never really got why it was a big deal. Maybe I’m the bigot, but I never thought of Ren & Stimpy as being gay. The were a sitcom couple when the plot needed them to be, the same way they became rubber nipple salesman or firehouse dogs. Of course John K. would eventually confirm their orientation by showing them fucking for Spike TV’s blink-and-you-missed-it Ren & Stimpy: Adult Party Cartoon.

Stimpy eventually ends up at home and in the loving arms of his Chihuahua . And just when he can’t sink any lower, there’s a knock at the door.

It’s Stinky, the long lost son! The grand reunion is cut short, though, when Stinky says he can’t stay.

He’s done growed up and found himself a girl:

Or a fish head.  Same difference.

The darling couple is married and live happily ever after… following a brief honeymoon in Ren’s nose.

Stimpson J. Cat, Ordained Minister! Who knew?

Ha! It may feel like cartoons have been making fun of Jesus forever, but they sure as shit haven’t done it on Nickelodeon. Although I think I saw him briefly in a single frame…

Can you make out Christ’s beard in the blast radius?

Present and accounted for. Even if he only shows up for a brief butt gag.

Understandably, I remember being disappointed with the episode once I finally saw it. Although, viewed within the above context, I find the whole episode hilarious on a completely different level now. I dunno… I really like this episode even though it’s hard to recommend. For one, Christmas is merely the shell here, it doesn’t really play a part except to make things more depressing from time to time. But remember, this is not a meter of quality, but rather a barometer for old time feelin’.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

Son of Stimpy appears alongside the original John K.-era episodes on Ren & Stimpy: The Complete First and Second Seasons. Be warned: Some of these episodes are edited in spite of being promoted as “UNCUT.” If you wish to brave the later years, the rest of the series is also available on DVD. But if you want to see their wickedly disturbing swan song, bold fans may want to venture into the Adult Party Cartoon, which presents the duo in far more explicit situations featuring, violence, sex and nudity.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
PLUTO’S CHRISTMAS TREE

INVADER ZIM: THE MOST HORRIBLE X-MAS EVER
Original Air Date: December 10, 2002

SYNOPSIS:

An alien hellbent on taking over the world hatches an evil plan to pose as Santa Claus and lead the spirited masses of Earth to their ultimate DOOM!

BACKSTORY:
Invader Zim was first broadcast on March 30, 2001 as part of Nickelodeon’s efforts to extend its reach beyond children and into the teenage demographic. Perhaps hiring the Jhonen Vasquez, the writer of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, got them a little more than they bargained for… since his show centered around a murderous alien who is only kept from destroying our planet by a boy named Dib, a nerd seemingly reviled by all.

The Nickelodeon cartoonist’s previous work

The series was far darker and more sadistic than anything that has ever aired on the network before or since, and lukewarm ratings made the satirical depictions of death and a moronic society all the harder to defend. The show was canceled at the very beginning of the second season even though it won numerous awards in the field of animation.

Zim was almost voiced by Billy West and Mark Hamill

Despite being the final episode in the production order, The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever was the only episode from Zim’s second season ever to premiere on Nickelodeon. The remaining finished episodes would eventually air on other networks starting in 2006, most notably on the Nicktoons Network, after the show proved to be a cult hit with the 18-25 set via the internet and DVD.

BREAKDOWN:
Invader Zim was one of those jobs almost well done. Nickelodeon attempted to branch out into harsher fare… only to buckle under scrutiny, cancel the show after a handful of episodes, and scare off the creator from ever returning to televised animation.

This episode featured an alternate intro where Zim and GIR are crushed by Santa’s fat ass

Damn shame, that. Because even though my friends and I were well outside of Zim’s target demographic, we finally caught wind of it through *cough* various means of internet file sharing, and have been in love with it ever since.

GIR, doin’ what he does bet: Nothing

That said, The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever is pretty wonderful Christmas special, even though it bitter-sweetly marks the last episode ever produced for the series, and absolutely barbaric by Rankin/Bass comparison.

Sure to warm the hearts of next to no one

That’s only an apt comparison given that Horrible X-Mas is also presented to the viewer as a tale told by a snowman, just like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer… Only this snowman’s name is Sludgy, and he’s spinning the yarn from 2 million years in the future.

The winter of your nightmares

At the start, Zim is demanding money from the very humans he so hates, only to notice many a red-suited figure cutting in on his action.

You know he’s one of us from the nametag that says “HUMAN”

Zim kidnaps one of Santa’s helpers in hopes that he may better weaken the will of the masses by posing as the holiday icon he believes earthlings worship as a leader.

Meanwhile, Dib is trying to get Zim’s ship working so he can bring down the would-be alien conqueror nobody else even believes to exist.

Dib must save a world populated by people who hate him

A news update kicks on with an urgent update! Santa Claus is back, bitches!

People are sometimes too quick to believe in Santa

Dib may be the only person on Earth who can recognize Zim underneath his many costumes and contact lenses, but it is also revealed the his absentee father, Professor Membrane also holds a vendetta against Santa in general after he received an explosion of socks instead of unrefined uranium as a boy.

Sickeningly cute

Zim’s plan seems to be in full swing, as he has quite capably gathered the drooling masses into a Christmas themed arena so that they may exahult him before their inevitable demise.

Now that’s a Christmas celebration!

Dib tries to warn his fellow civilians, reminding them that the gorilla from last year was also, not Santa, but his pleas fall on deaf ears and Zim takes him captive.

Bow before Santa

A flaw has begun to expose itself… The suit Zim has brought to life is built upon the brains of several Santa’s. Once people begin to shout warm tidings of X-Mas cheer, the suit begins to show signs of call and response sentience.

Too… Merry

Dib proves to be a problem for Zim, so he disposes of him on an ice float in the middle of nowhere, leaving Dib with no other option but to call out to his normally indifferent family for help.

Not cool

Sister Gaz, arrives in the ship to pick him up, but in what could a be a series first, his father actually reaches out to offer help too. Although, it is a personal score he is more than prepared to settle.

Hating Santa, not Christmas

Cut to the North Pole, where Zim is finalizing his plans to eradicate the humans from the surface of the planet.

Are you ready to get Merry?!

YEEEAAAAAAAAH

But even the best laid plans go array. It seems Zim was prepared for everything… except an impossibly cute girl demanding a hug from Santa Claus.

D’Awwwwww

The suit has become… aware

And Zim is enveloped into his own creation of Horrible Christmas Cheer!

Should’ve impersonated Hanukkah Harry

Luckily, Dib burst onto the scene in a full on mech-suit built for the sole purpose of destroying Santa Claus…

Mecha-Humbug

Just in time for the Santa suit to go all out Akira:

BLAAARGH

An apocalyptic  war is waged with the organic Kringle-bot…

Stand closer, ya morons!

And Dib proves himself to be more than capable. He strikes a blow so powerful, Santa is knocked down and bleeds Zim from his insides.

Yeah, pretty gross

Outside of the confines of the suit, Zim shrinks the ruiner of Christmas and Dib fire the remains into space. Huzzah! Christmas is saved!

You’re welcome, Sheeple

As the savior of Christmas, and the entire human race, Dib looks like he may finally get the respect he has so long deserved… were it not for Zim’s Plan B: The Easter Platypus!

So cute, you almost want to hand him the world

And the whole special whips back into the future, as Sludgy the snowman explains that’s why children two million years later must barricade themselves indoors every Christmas: To avoid the wrath of Zim’s Christmas gift to the stars!

I know I feel merrier

Nil. Already skating on thin ice with his Nickelodeon overlords, that was one sacred cow Jhonen Vasquez wasn’t going after.

There’s about a billion utterly amazing Santa designs featured through The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever, but I dare not award it all five gingerbreads since they’re often horrific to the point of traumatizing:

I love this special, but it’s admittedly difficult to recommend to fans of traditional Christmas specials… At times, it’s hard to tell whether the writers are having fun with the legend of Christmas/Santa Claus or simply want to destroy it. For fans of Invader Zim, however, it’s a great episode. Not only is it filled with some of the most twisted Holiday imagery known to man, it seems they knew full well that this was it for the series and many a joke is made and the expense of the story, characters and overall premise.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

It’s not a question of “whether” you need to own Invader Zim, it’s “how much?” and “when.” This series is amazing and worth the time of anyone with the slightest interest in modern animation… although it looks as if Nick has stopped producing the DVDs. I had no idea since I bought the boxed set from Amazon less than a year ago for like $20… But it appears buying used is your only option so here goes: The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever is available on the Invader Zim Vol. 3: Horrible Holiday Cheer double disc set and within the basic box set or Invader Zim House Boxed Set that features an extra disc. Amazon sellers appear to be asking a lot, so shop around, and make sure to snatch one up if you see it in the wild… it appears like it may be worth more than you think.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
TOY TINKERS