JOHN DENVER & THE MUPPETS: A CHRISTMAS TOGETHER
Orignal Air Date: December 5, 1979

Famous felt and folk singer join forces to croon about the Holidays…

BACKSTORY

John Denver only appeared on The Muppet Show once in 1979, but he’s got far more history with Kermit and company that. That same year, The Muppets were on top of the world. The Muppet Movie had come out, and along with Sesame Street, Jim Henson couldn’t clear enough space on his mantle for all the Grammys he was winning each year.

Brought to you by Dr. Pepper and Du Pont

Meanwhile, John Denver spent most almost the entire seventies producing crossover hits like “Thank God I’m Country Boy” and “Rocky Mountain High.”

The LP unfolded

Whether due to lucky happenstance, or their similar interest in folksy, old-timey, feel-good music, The Muppets and John Denver teamed up for an album and Christmas special in December of that year. The venture was quite successful, and lead to another collaboration in 1983 with John Denver and The Muppets: Rocky Mountain Holiday.

John Denver at the 1983 Grammys performing with Floyd

BREAKDOWN

How’d I do up there? Christ, this was a difficult special to write up, because A) it barely exists anymore, and B) there’s almost no information on just how the hell it came to be. Not only has John Denver and The Muppet: A Christmas Together never been released on DVD, there was never even a VHS!

Part 1: “The Twelve Days of Christmas“

Should you want to see this special, bootlegged TV tapings of yore are you ONLY option. Obviously, this presented bot a problem, yet it also presented a solution for me. Given the quality of the video out there, how was this little Xmas blog supposed to grab the several dozen screen grabs required for our typical post? Screw it: VIDEO!

Part 2: “The Pleasure of Your Company“

And since not only has no one involved project bothered to curate or even solve the problems involving a release for John Denver & The Muppets: A Christmas Together, I figured I’d get to the bottom of WHY using the only internet tool I have: YouTube. I uploaded the special to my account broken down by song, then wait and see if any copyright holders flagged the video. And sure enough they did!

Part 3: “Alfie: The Christmas Tree” and “We Can All Know Everything“

Starting with this clip – Journalism! Either the “Alfie: The Christmas Tree” poem or Denver’s brief rendition of “We Can All Know Everything” instantly incurred the wrath of the purveyors at Warner Chapell. That means the video above may not appear, or have an ad I don;t personally profit from (RAGE!) Although… I can’t imagine for the life of me why. I know my Xmas music, but I’ve never heard either jam before. Furthermore, I imagine those who are elderly enough to be familiar with it are probably too old to know how to use the internet. Who ya fighting, Warner?

Part 4: “The Christmas Wish“

I dunno, that’s just something that gets to me. With so little money left to be made with physical media, I can’t see why you put up so many barriers to access content like this. Anyone with a remote interest in seeing – or paying for! - John Denver & The Muppets should be granted access. The Muppets may be on an upswing, and/or a bit of a hipster renaissance, but I can’t imagine the young folk having the patience for a special like this.

Part 5: “Christmas is Coming” and “A Baby Just Like You“

DAMMIT! Here’s another video flagged, and thus responsible for the lack of a proper DVD release. And just who is the stalwart company halting the release of the most wholesome piece of entertainment on the planet? Music Publishing Rights Collecting Society… WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?!

Part 6: “Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas“

I suppose what I’m saying is there’s no level of Muppet fan swell that’ll ever get this thing back into living rooms by any conventional means. For one, it’s one of those slooooooooooooow, old-timey Christmas specials, where nothing ever happens that isn’t a bridge to a musical number. Sure, Miss Piggy gives Kermit the boot (offscreen) and sets her loins (lol) on Denver, but even that is to establish the ultra-bizarre Tin Soldier sequence, which is feels more like something that was produced in the  1950s.

Part 7: “The Peace Carol” and “Silent Night“

And there we have it. The final musical number, once again beholden to Warner Chapell music. Which song would that be “The Peace Carol” or “Silent Night” medley?! Surely, the WB doesn’t own the rights to the story of Jesus Denver tells?!?!? Whatever. I move that if you use the word “Carol” in the title of your song, it’s thereby free to the world. Public Domain. Or at least Netflix. Hope you’ve enjoyed this “departure” article. We’re gonna have plenty of photosplosion pieces this year, as well as a couple of slightly different things to look forward to. In other words: I’m sorry, come back!

Ding-Ding-Ding — BIG TIME! Witnessing the story of the baby manger/Bethlehem/Christian bedtime story is acted out with Muppets is one of the most wildly unnerving things I’ve ever laid eyes on. I honestly reccomend viewing the special just to see a Jesus Christ puppet constructed by Jim Henson.

JESUS CHRIST!

Surprisingly little Santa, other than a hat or two, which felt incredibly bizarre to me. At first I figured it was because those hipy-dippy Muppet folk wanted to keep things nondenominational. SEE THE ABOVE.

Very warm, traditional, and… fine. It’s just fine. However, the sing-songy variety format is so much of a completely different era, I doubt kids would see it anything but a overwrought parody. What am I saying? I was bored by it, and I’ve been around for decades! I’d like to think I spent so much time bitching above on behalf of the older folks out there, those who’d be genuinely moved by the chance to rewatch John Denver & The Muppets: A Christmas Together but will never be afforded the means… but it’s more likely due to watching a cultural milestone like this fall out of the public consciousness forever, and that makes me incredibly depressed. Selfishness! Either way, if you’d like to watch a slow-moving Christmas special featuring The Muppets singing into the camera, there are better options out there.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Shop Amazon through us – it helps!)

If you want to give the gift of John Denver & The Muppets: A Christmas Together to someone in your life who’d most appreciate it, good goddamned luck! I’m afraid you’re going to have to show Grandma how to use Bittorrent. And after that, I doubt she’ll mind the VHS traking errors one bit. However, The album based on the special is plentifully available in numerous forms and re-issues, featuring extra song that just so happen to include “When The River Meets the Sea” from the unbelievably fantastic Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas! Oh, and hipster mecca, Urban Outfitters, has repressed a vinyl version of the album featuring a LP of glorious “Kermit Green” that I’ll probably fail to resist.

2010′s Dec. 1 Christmas Special
A DISNEY CHRISTMAS GIFT

2009′s Dec. 2nd  Special
THE SNOWMAN

And it’s OFFICIAL! Oh my… there must be some explanation

Sorry for the misleading headline there, but I never ever though I’d bear witness the demise of Kermit, nor could I have imagined it’d be performed by Jim Henson on national television forty years ago! Okay, I’ll come clean: That clip above comes a November 1966 episode of The Ed Sullivan Show.

It seems Ed Sullivan was a pretty hardcore fan of Henson and his creatures. The clip above marks the third of what would tally in at twenty-five appearances on the variety program, and Sullivan would go on to narrate the Muppets’ very first Christmas Special, The Great Santa Claus Switch in 1970. I found it on this bootlegy DVD called Muppets Magic, which compiles The Muppets’ spots on The Ed Sullivan Show and somehow managed to avoid the wrath of Disney’s lawyers for some time before going understandably out-of-print.

This might be old news for some of you, but NPR managed to post the world’s first preview of the all new Muppet album, featuring loving covers by popular artists.

Just beautiful… Some of my favorite Muppet songs of all time have been given the warmest possible treatment from some of the most popular music acts of the day (I’m only guessing – I’ve never heard of half these people) in order to prepare the world for the upcoming release of the new Muppets movie. Here’s the tracklist

“Muppet Show Theme Song” – OK GO
“Rainbow Connection” – Weezer feat. Hayley Williams
“Mahna Mahna” – The Fray
“Movin’ Right Along” – Alkaline Trio
“Our World” – My Morning Jacket
“Halfway Down The Stairs” – Amy Lee
“Mr. Bassman” – Sondre Lerche
“Wishing Song” – The Airborne Toxic Event
“Night Life” – Brandon Saller
“Bein’ Green” – Andrew Bird
“I Hope That Something Better Comes Along” – Matt Nathanson
“I’m Going to Go Back There Someday” – Rachael Yamagata

Standouts include Weezer’s Rainbow Connection (obviously) and Alkaline Trio, an old punk fav of mine performing one of the finest up tempo tunes in Muppet history. However, I gotta give it up to OK GO, a band I like far more for their videos than their music, for their wonderfully weird interpretation of the “Muppet Show Theme Song“.

Better still, My Morning Jacket went the obscure route and dared to cover a song from Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas! Makes me wonder… who currently owns the rights to the Muppets’ music catalog? The album is being released by Walt Disney Records, but Disney doesn’t own Emmet Otter, and its music has NEVER been released in any official capacity. Which is why I personally ripped the whole damn thing in a fit of internet anger last year. Your welcome?

Emmet Otter – Brothers in Our World (right click/save)

You can purchase the album from my provided Amazon links – which helps me out FYI – but if you’re like me, you’re really gonna want the premium package Threadless put together, which comes with a kickass t-shirt and poster.

BUY THIS!

At least when compared to the trio of parody teasers we’ve seen. Dunno about you, but this baby is delightful and I’ve already watched it half a dozen times. Of course I’ve got a favorite part…

I mean, the trailer’s still light on plot details, which apparently concern The Muppets reuniting to save their studio, but it still hits all the right notes for me. But what’s the best part of the trailer for this Muppet nerd? THIS GUY:

Utilized again!

Seeing Rowlf play what looks to be his most prominent roll since Jim Henson’s death is awesome, but to see Scooter, The Muppets’ go-to gofer, back onscreen in this capacity warms my heart. He’s nowhere close to being my favorite character, yet after being an integral part of shows like The Muppet Show and Muppet Babies, he’s been almost invisible in the years since. I think he’s all but silent in Muppets From Space and evidently he made almost zero onscreen appearances throughout most of the 90′s, save for in a a framed picture on the set of Muppets Tonight. And in this Muppets movie trailer, it now looks like as if he’s no longer left in the backseat of The Muppets ensemble. See?!

Riding shotgun with Kermit and Gonzo

My favorite part of the new trailer is the final 20 seconds, where we get an life-affirming Muppety montage of beauty, set to Jefferson Starship’s “We Built This City” led by none other than The Muppets’ most underutilized mainstay. I feel good right now

EMMET OTTER’S JUG-BAND CHRISTMAS
Original Air Date: 1977

A poor otter family struggles to make their musical Christmas wishes come true

[UPDATE: I've posted the entire Emmet Otter's Jug-Band Christmas soundtrack here for your listening/downloading pleasure. Get it while ya can!]

BACKSTORY:

Many are unaware that Emmet Otter’s Jung-Band Christmas is based off a book by Russell Hoban, published in 1971.

A picture from the book, but it may as well be a storyboard

Perhaps that’s because the Christmas special directed by Jim Henson mirrors both the story and look so well, it might’ve all but replaced the source material within the public consciousness. Even the memorable certain songs written by Paul Williams come from fully fleshed out references and titles from the book.

On right, Henson and Frank Oz, who puppeteered  Ma Otter

This one-hour special was produced for HBO during a break between The Muppet Show’s first and second season. Since then it has aired on ABC and Nickelodeon. Unfortunately, not only is the special shown less frequently these days, in every subsequent airing and home video release it has also suffered various edits, additions and omissions to its original runtime.

A Home Video release and the musical stage production

However, The Jim Henson Company and Godspeed Opera House recently revived the special in the form of a live stage musical in 2008, featuring people in costumes and many recognizable versions of the original puppets.

BREAKDOWN

Without a doubt one of the greatest Christmas Specials of all time, and a heartwarming showcase of everything that makes the Jim Henson company special. It’s down to earth, tragic, musical, then soulfully uplifting by the end. That said… it sucks to kick this article on a sour note, but here ya go:

What you won’t be seeing anymore

Kermit the Frog. More than likely, that’s how most of you remember seeing it. Tragically, due to The Muppets acquisition by Disney, you’ll probably never see it that way again. Kermit’s intros, outros, and narration have been removed from the all recent and currently available versions of Emmet Otter on DVD.

“There Ain’t No Hole in the Washtub“

Although, to be fair, the special has rarely appeared as it originally aired on HBO, so we’ll look at some of the edits as we go. Plus, it’d be a shame if harping on a couple of negatives got in the way of celebrating, not only one of the finest thing Jim Henson has ever produced, but one of the more beautiful Christmas productions ever cobbled by puppet-engulfed hands.

Even the animal kingdom has no-goodniks

And I do not say that lightly. Emmet Otter took a few years to take hold. As a child, I didn’t find the look of all too enticing and had little patience for musical numbers. But it eventually grew on me, to the point where I found my last viewing over far too quickly. Understand this: When I call Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas absolutely phenomenal, I’m saying that from the perspective of someone who did not watch it repeatedly as a kid, but as an adult who hadn’t seen it in many years.

These Muppets have legs

Of course, being a little older helps one fully appreciate the technical scale on which the whole production was pulled off. Song composer, Paul Williams has stated that Emmet Otter was produced almost as preparation for the impending Muppet Movie, and it really, really shows. Whereas The Muppet Show used static sets (apropos of a production themed as a variety show) the camera in Emmet is constantly moving, framing seemingly impossible shots that’ll still leave the viewer asking the question, “How the hell did they do that?!”

This is how they did that

You’re looking at a far more elaborate production here, and it’s not only perhaps the first time Henson employed remote control puppeteering, it’s one of the only times marionettes were used in a Muppet production! Right from the start, the special wows you with scenes of Emmet and his mother Alice rowing a boat down a river, and the technical feats like these remain as astonishing as ever, IMO.

Remote animatronics were used for the mouths and heads, but the boat is actually rowing Emmet

But let’s not ignore the story! The scenes in the boat are also the heart of the interaction between two characters coping with the loss of a father and a husband. They laugh, sing, and make jokes. But the harsh reality is that they’re barely scrapping by, doing odd jobs around Frogtown Hollow due to the death of Emmet’s dad.

Foxy lady

We see the mayor’s wife screw Emmet’s mom out of a laundry bill in one of the very first scenes. This is also one of the first bizarre edits done to the production over the years. As Gretchen Fox walks away after denying payment, Alice had originally told her to go “jump in a lake!” The edit wouldn’t be a huge deal, except that it rather abruptly cuts to Will Possum saying “That’s tellin’ her, Alice.”

Gorgeous

Without the lake comment, it looks like he’s saying “Way to go, you spineless coward.” instead of the “That sucks, but you still showed her,” aside it was intended to be. Emmet and Alice move past the shady transaction, singing that no matter how bad it all gets, at least there “Ain’t No Hole in the Washtub,” kicking off one of the many unforgettable songs in Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas, as well as foreshadowing events to come.

With pearl inlay!

As it turns out, the Otter family is pretty screwed out of a decent Christmas this year. After stopping by a music store, both get the idea of giving each other musical instruments they could never afford. Emmet wants to put a down payment on a piano for Ma, and she desperately wants to purchase him a used guitar. Oh, yeah and it’s here we first meet the River Bottom Gang.

Here comes trouble

Both shrug off the items as hopeless luxuries they could never possibly afford, that is, until opportunity presents itself. There’s a talent show coming up featuring and prize money to the tune of $50! Which is a practical fortune down in Frogtown Hollow.

A Washtub band? Genius!

They entertain the prospect of participating, and we’ve seen that the Otters clearly have the musical chops to place in the competition. But once again, their financial situation denies them dreams of entering the low rent puppet version of American idol.

They weren’t lyin’ about the lack of holes

Ma seems to think she wouldn’t be able to present herself at the talent show without a new dress, yet the only way she can get the money needed for one on such short notice is to hock Pa’s old tools, which Emmet still uses to perform odd jobs for extra cash.

“But what if there was a hole in the washtub?”

Emmet’s dilemma is far more prickly one indeed. He’s approached to join -surprise! – a jug band, yet gets assigned to the worst possible instrument: The Washtub Bass. To do that, he’d have to… well, they just spent five minutes thanking the dear lord Jesus that “there ain’t no hole in the washtub!”

Doesn’t Emmet look weird without his hat on?

Obviously, that song was a bit of a metaphor pertaining to being thankful for the things they do have. Or maybe that’s just the way Emmet interprets it, because he goes and destroys the one thing his family has left shamble-free, all in the name of music most fine.

Don’t feel bad, Ma lightly screws over Emmet too

Of course, both eventually find each other backstage at the talent show, but not a word is spoken about the things they’ve sold or broken to get there.

Barbeque!

Don’t try and tell yourself each other’s deeds didn’t occur to them. As a family who has so very little, I’m pretty sure they would’ve noticed fairly quickly what one another had done once it came time to fix or wash something.

Fuck foxes, there I said it

Yet instead of bitching or making accusations, they both root for one another and provide the much-needed support to perform at the talent show. And, oh yeah, Ma gets up there and really belts it out.

Only a frumpy fashionista could tell that’s a new dress

But let’s be honest, and maybe I’m just speaking for the guys my age with no children, but c’mon: We’re pulling for Emmet! Let’s see what he’s up against:

Spastically dancing squirrels? Shouldn’t be too tough to beat

Not sure why, but these dancing bunnies have been cut out of more than one version of Emmet Otter. Odd, because I’ve had the cornball vaudeville tune stuck in my head ever since

Wait? Who’s this guy?!

Oh crap! That dickheaded possum is singing the very same BBQ song Emmet and his buddies had been practicing to perform. Rather than give up, they tear the roof off the fucker, to thunderous applause.

Fucking love this song, but YouTube wouldn’t let me post it! (UPDATE: I’ve gone ahead and posted the entire Emmet Otter soundtrack because I’m a goddamned renegade! Listen/Download here)

Given crowd response to the other acts, you’d assume either Emmet or Alice Ma are a shoe in to take home the prize. But trouble has another name: The River Bottom Nightmare Band.

RIVER BOTTOM NIGHTMARE BAND

In any other situation Muppets performing prog-rock would be the greatest thing in the world. But it just so happens these plushie thugs, who have spent the majority of their screen time treating Frogtown Hollow like a toilet, steal the prize right out from under the Otters.

They should get an award just for teaching a snake to play bass

Fucking SIGH! Ma and the Frogtown Jubilee Jug-Band sulk home, penniless, presentless, prideless.

This should never have happened

Okay, that last “less” isn’t all that true, because if there’s one thing the Otter family knows how to do well, it’s make the best of an utterly depressing situation.

Two songs are better than one

While wondering what they could’ve done differently back at the talent show, the get an epiphany: Combine both their songs together a into one enormous, skullcrushing Supersong!

“Damn! Why didn’t you do that an hour ago?”

The ditty captures the attention of the people in the city, and better still, Doc Bullfrog has a change of heart. He can’t take the talent show prize money back and I don’t blame him. Would you risk your life and limb demanding a refund from a band of aggressive animals with nothing to lose? Didn’t think so!

The next best thing to a record deal

But he does score the newly formed supergroup a gig performing at his restaurant on a regular basis. It’s better than a prize or a handout; it’s a steady paycheck for the first time since Pa passed.

Sadly, the DVDs also cuts Kermit’s appearance in the restaurant

No more laundry jobs gone bad, and I’m pretty sure a “professional musician” can afford all the used guitars they’d ever want. Yes, even with pearl inlay!

I’ve always considered Henson stuff to be pretty nonreligious, The Bells of Fraggle Rock being ample proof of that, but not even the original songs contain any reference to the savior or even Christmas.

Nope… I wish I had a joke here, but I find the fact that Santa doesn’t visit rural otters desperately in need of Christmas cheer too depressing.

I can’t say enough nice things about Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas. Trust me, plenty of time had passed between my last viewing and now, so I went in with glasses 100% free of rose tint. Jug-Band Christmas still won me over on every conceivable level. The whole production remains a marvelous technical feat, and I can’t think of any other special chock this full of charm, hope and lessons on the strength you can find through depending on others. Honestly, I just wish I could hug everyone involved in the project. If you take nothing else away from the childish text I’ve vomited on rest of this page, remember this: You should really watch Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas.

Oh yeah, and this blooper reel might be The Greatest Thing on the Internet!

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Shop Amazon through us – it helps!)

Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas is available on DVD, albeit with the Kermit footage completely removed. However, the special contains several short sequences that haven’t appeared on other home video releases, and any scene missing is available to watch in the ample bonus features which include a behind-the-scenes documentary and the Outakes video embedded above. Assuming you’re willing to take a chance on Otter, I strongly encourage – no… I beg you, to pick up the version bundled with Jim Henson’s equally stellar Holiday special, The Christmas Toy for just a few pennies more. Oh, and before you go and call Disney mean names for not allowing Kermit to appear in Emmet Otter, I invite you to see what the previous, out-of-print versions featuring the famous Frog are going for on the Amazon Marketplace. You’ll get an idea of what he’s worth.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special
A VERY VENTURE CHRISTMAS

2009′s Dec. 15th Christmas Special
SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN

THE TOP 25 CARTOON CHRISTMAS TREES
From our favorite Animated Christmas Specials!

As a Christmas gift to both myself and A Cartoon Christmas‘s dozen or so readers, we’re going to avoid the usual grammatically-challenged diatribe and skip right to the good stuff: Christmas trees! Who among us doesn’t experience a warming jolt to the cockles at the mere site of tinsel and lights on an evergreen canvas?! (Admit it, Jews… you’re totally jealous!) Please enjoy our final post of 2009… and please do click the images to see an in-depth description of each Christmas special and a shitload of pictures. See ya next year!

25. THE INAUGURAL CHRISTMAS TREE

Mister Magoo’s Christmas Carol (1962)

24. THE SILENT CHRISTMAS TREE

The Snowman (1982)

23. THE PUFFIN’S CHRISTMAS TREE

A Wish For Wings That Work (1991)

22. THE BATTLEGROUND CHRISTMAS TREE

The Christmas Toy (1986)

21. THE IMPRISONED CHRISTMAS TREE

Raggedy Ann & Andy in The Great Santa Claus Caper (1978)

20. THE ARCADE CHRISTMAS TREE

Christmas Comes to Pac-Land

19. THE SECOND CHANCE CHRISTMAS TREE

It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown (1992)

18. THE TERRIFYING MEXICAN CHRISTMAS TREE

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Santa Claus (1993)

17. THE ABOMINABLE CHRISTMAS TREE

Rudolph The Red-Nosed Reindeer (1964)

16. THE ABSENT CHRISTMAS TREE

Robbie the Reindeer in Hooves on Fire (1999)

15. THE CORNBALL CHRISTMAS TREE

The Super Mario Bros. Super Show: Koopa Klaus (1989)

14. THE CHRISTMAS TREE THAT EXPLODED

Toy Tinkers (1949)

13. THE MOST SADISTIC CHRISTMAS TREE

Invader Zim: The Most Horrible Xmas Ever (2002)

12. THE SILLY CREATURE’S CHRISTMAS TREE

Fraggle Rock: The Bells of Fraggle Rock (1984)

11. THE REVISIONIST CHRISTMAS TREE

Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town (1970)

10. THE CHRISTMAS TREE OF FORMER GLORY

Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales (1979)

9. THE RODENT-INFESTED CHRISTMAS TREE

Pluto’s Christmas Tree (1952)

8. THE CHRISTMAS TREE THAT FIRED THE CREATOR

Ren & Stimpy: Son of Stimpy (1993)

7. THE DUMBASS ETERNIA CHRISTMAS TREE

He-Man and She-Ra: A Christmas Special (1985)

6. THE JUNKYARD CHRISTMAS TREE

A Fat Albert Christmas Special (1977)

5. THE CLAYMATION^TM CHRISTMAS TREE

A Claymation Christmas Celebration (1987)

4. THE CHRISTMAS TREE OF ULTIMATE REDEMPTION

Mickey’s Christmas Carol (1983)

3. THE CHRISTMAS TREE OF INFINITE SONG

A Muppet Christmas Carol (1987)

2. THE ENDANGERED CHRISTMAS TREE

How the Grinch Stole Christmas! (1966)

1. THE PATHETIC CHRISTMAS TREE

A Charlie Brown Christmas (1965)

Oh well, Chuck… maybe next year.

Merry Christmas,
-C & H

A MUPPET FAMILY CHRISTMAS
Original Air Date: December 16, 1987

SYNOPSIS:
Nearly every Muppet ever created comes together under one roof for a very cliched Christmas.

BACKSTORY:
In case you didn’t already know, the word “Muppet” is a hybrid of the words “marionette” and “puppet,” and should instantly conjure images a man named Jim Henson, and the brightly-colored cloth creations he gave to the world.

Early versions of Rowlf, Kermit, and Jim Henson

It’s hard to nail down when exactly what we now know as “The Muppets” first started. A barely-recognizable version of Kermit was seen on a Washington D.C. NBC affiliate as far back as 1955, on Henson’s first show Sam and Friends. However, Rowlf the piano-playing dog was the first to gain stardom, thanks to his popular appearances in Purina dog food commercials and on The Jimmy Dean Show in 1963. Sesame Street began airing in 1969, although without any of the characters, aside from Kermit, that we associate with The Muppet Show, which came seven years later.

See Gobo back there?

None of that’s important, anyway. The fact remains that A Muppet Family Christmas is the culmination of Henson’s unprecedented success. With at least four separate Muppeted shows airing on television simultaneously, this Christmas special is the one and only occasion when the stars of all of them came together in a single production.

Unfortunately, no official uncut version of the program is available for sale, and likely never will be. Several songs licensed only for television are presented, and The Jim Henson Company currently retains rights to only the Fraggles, with Sesame Street owned by The Children’s Television Workshop and The Muppets now being the property of Disney. Television is the only place you can hope to see the special in its entirety, yet the broadcast version, too, has seen many cuts over the years – due to remastering, added footage and extended commercial breaks.

BREAKDOWN:
You know those Christmas special parodies where celebrities find an excuse to stop by a snowed in cabin just to sing songs? I’m too young to be entirely sure of what exactly they’re sending up, aside from some vague notion of Dean Martin or Andy Williams doing something to that effect years before I was born.

Fozzie, quite rudely, brings the entire cast of The Muppet Show over for Christmas at his mother’s without so much as calling ahead

Stephen Colbert did one last year. Shit, I just made one too, which is a pretty good indication that spoofing that Old-Timey Christmas special is no longer even remotely clever. If that’s the case, Jim Henson studios didn’t get the memo.

Fraggle Rock’s Doc and Sprocket have rented a room in the hopes of finding some holiday peace and quiet

I know I’ve said the same about adapting A Christmas Carol, but as far as Christmas specials go, the singing-cameo formula is definitely the bare minimum you can do creatively. Especially when it’s done straight-faced, without a hint of irony. So keeping in mind that this came from the people responsible for some of the greatest Holiday specials ever made, yes, A Muppet Family Christmas is a bit of a letdown.

Miss Piggy is held up by a photo shoot

It wouldn’t say it flat-out sucks, mind you. But while I certainly remember looking forward to each and every airing as a kid, I also remember boredom setting in within minutes.

Gonzo tips a turkey off about Swedish Chef’s plans to cook him

Of course, I have a slightly different appreciation for it now. I’d grown up with these colorful characters. Even my parents liked the Muppets, or at least had some history with them and found them more tolerable than the majority of the 80’s children’s entertainment cesspool.

Fraggle Rock is located under Mama Fozzie’s house apparently…who knew?

That kind of universal appeal is a remarkable feat in and of itself, but the sheer number of shows Henson had concurrently running on television is nothing short of astounding.

One of many momentous meetings

Sesame Street was still a revered standard. Fraggle Rock was popular enough in 1987 to receive a (horrible) animated spin-off series. Muppets Take Manhattan had been well received in theaters, and Ted Turner was about to launch TNT on a sturdy backbone of Muppet Show reruns. And Muppet Babies was in the middle of an outrageously popular six-year streak, having just been extended to 90 minutes on CBS Saturday mornings.

The gang watches a home movie starring the live-action Muppet Babies from Muppets Take Manhattan, on which the cartoon series was based

And A Muppet Family Christmas was to be the instance where they’d all appear in the same place, at the same time, for the first time ever!!! “HOLY SHIT!” exclaimed my prepubescent brain, “Oh, man… I wonder what they’ll say to one another… what kind of adventures they’ll have?!”

Electric Mayhem’s performance of “Jingle Bell Rock” is a triple-edged sword

Well… they’ll just be singing songs, apparently.

Even more bad comedy would’ve been nice

Not that there’s anything wrong with a Holiday song showcase, even if it’s not my cup of tea. But when you look at the Christmas specials that have become Holiday standards, none of them revolve around the sole act of singing classic Christmas songs (fortunately).

Gonzo and the Jive Turkey square off for the affections of Camilla

For example, Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer was based off of that titular Johnny Marks song, and Marks still wrote new songs for that special that would go on to become cherished standards. Even Henson’s other Christmas specials featured numerous original tunes, one of which is reprised here!

The Sesame Street gang shows up a’Carolin’

It’s undeniable that by Emmet Otter and Christmas Toy standards, and so A Muppet Family Christmas is pretty damned dull and uninspired by comparison. It’s not that the songs are bad… they’re just way too abundant. There’s very little dialogue, almost no attempt at comedy, and as you can see, the whole shebang is easily summed up in screen shots alone.

Doc is informed that his name starts with the letter ‘D’

I don’t mean to downplay the feat of assembling all the Muppets in a single room. That’s why I’m showcasing the special in the first place: I recognize that this gathering of epic proportions is truly a resplendent spectacle to behold.

The Turkey convinces Chef to cook a bigger bird…

The internets thought this joke was hilarious, even though Henson did it twenty years ago

I’m a giant Muppet dork and I can name at least a hundred characters who appear here just off the top of my head. So, I can only imagine a substantial part of the budget went into the feat of puppeteering all of these beloved creatures at once…

Kings of refuse

Because it certainly didn’t go into the writing. That’s part of what pisses me off about the special to begin with…

Snowed-in guests from Sesame Street perform “Twas the Night Before Christmas” as payment for their stay

Many notable characters never do, or say, anything. Granted, Elmo wasn’t yet the shining star of Sesame Street, but he’s completely silent in the two versions I’ve watched.

TRIVIA! The Elmo puppet has been around since the early 70′s, although he was referred to as “Baby Monster” until 1980. Four years later, Elmo was given his distinctive voice by Kevin Clash, and he’s gone on to become one of the most prolific Muppets of all time. In A Muppet Family Christmas, he never says a word.

Multiple versions, you say? Oh yeah… I won’t fault Henson for the lack of foresight into licensing music rights for home video, but it infuriates me that the very element that brought down the entire special, is also what made a definitive version unattainable.

Last Muppets Standing

Reportedly, no version of Muppet Family Christmas ever available for sale has been presented uncut.  Renewing the rights to many of the songs proved too expensive beyond television – the only place where the special can be shown in its entirety and still isn’t due to longer commercial breaks! – so there were almost literally dozens of truncated Muppet Family Christmas DVDs available in numerous territories with distinctly different edits.

Almost the entire Muppet Babies sequence is cut from the DVD due to music rights

Not that this matters anymore anyway… A Muppet Family Christmas has been discontinued on DVD and will most likely never be available to own again in any capacity. So, while I actually do believe Sesame Street and The Muppets are in good hands with their respective new owners, I sense something a little shadier in afoot here…

Smoke ‘em if ya got ‘em

Given the time frame, Jim Henson was certainly in negotiations with Disney to acquire the Muppets at the time that A Muppet Family Christmas was created… And the special certainly reeks of something hastily assembled. So I’d speculate that it may have been made because many of the characters had a price tag on their heads and Henson knew this was probably his last chance to cash in on an epic crossover to end all crossovers.

Creepy: Kermit and Disney CEO Michael Eisner introduced A Muppet Family Christmas‘s rebroadcast on The Magical World of Disney in 1989

But with The Muppets’ recent YouTube resurgence, I can’t imagine A Muppet Family Christmas is something a fan would ever want to be without. And as I sat through the final third of the special – almost 15 minutes of uninterrupted singing – I couldn’t help but get a little irritated. The fact that it ends with a roomful of the greatest characters ever created wishing me a “Merry Christmas” for the fiftieth time was little consolation.

Christ, we get it! Stop singing already!

Cheating! But there’s one appearance by a life-giving bearded man whom I absolutely worship… and his final words are immensely touching.

“They certainly look like they’re having a good time out there… I like it when they have a good time.” – H.

Doc enters the house dressed as Santa briefly at the end (even though he was seen inside a second ago, during the previous scene, wearing plain clothes). Maybe my memory’s a little fuzzy, but now that I think of it, I can’t remember any Muppet Christmas specials featuring an appearance by the actual Santa Claus. Can you? Comment below!

“Santa cares not for your earthly continuity!”

How could I rate it any lower? There’s a shitload of Muppets here! That alone has to be worth something, if for no other reason than it’ll undoubtedly never happen again. While it can’t be denied that A Muppet Family Christmas is representative of a” warm seasonal feeling” under the strictest sense of the definition, this was never the program I wanted to see. Coming from a studio that brought us some of the the funniest, most heartwarming and most enduring Christmas specials known to man, the fact that such a monumental assemblage of its entire legacy failed to live up to its own standards is a sad one indeed.

It’s still worth checking out, though, and if you’re really in to Christmas songs, it could earn some repeated play on your television. Oh, wait! No it can’t, since you’re practically required to watch it in stolen internet bootlegs for the foreseeable future… *sigh*

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

A Muppet Family Christmas has been discontinued on DVD the world over, due mostly to Disney’s acquisition of the majority of the characters.  However, you can find a used/new copy on Amazon for a substantial mark up, and I believe there’s a Google ad on the right side of this very page that links to a legitimate retailer selling off the old stock. Needless to say, if you see a copy out in the wild, snatch it up immediately: It will be worth hella money!

As far as Muppety Christmases go, you could do a helluva a lot worse than A Muppet Christmas Carol, which features all of the characters you know and love in a much better production, as well as a feature-length commentary from Jim Henson’s son, Brian. I haven’t seen the newer made-for-TV Muppet specials, so I’m just going to make a personal recommendation instead. I’d have to go with The Christmas Toy (which was incidentally included on the UK version of the  Muppet Family Christmas DVD as a bonus feature!) just slightly over Emmet Otter’s Jug Band Christmas, but you could also save yourself a chunk of change and just buy both in a cheap-ass bundle!

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
MICKEY’S CHRISTMAS CAROL