Looks like somebody’s back and at their parents’ home for Christmas and doing a little rummagin’ in the old toy box!

Just so you know, I had no ill religious intent in making this festive little McDonalds masterpiece. Jesus, Mary, Joesph? They’re still there! I would however argue that Gobo Fraggle, Merlin, and Buzz Lightyear kick the shit out of even the wisest of Wise Men any day of the week, though… So screw ‘em!

Click here if you actually want to see them thing ridiculously big.

A DISNEY CHRISTMAS GIFT
Original Air Date: December 4, 1982

The festive folks at Disney hastily assemble an archival Holiday present that was 20 years shy of “new” the day it hit TV.

BACKSTORY:
According to legend, A Disney Christmas Gift exists only because of the hard times the studio underwent during the early 80’s. In those turbulent times between The Fox and the Hound and the developmentally challenged The Black Cauldron, Disney had decided it was high time Mickey returned to the medium he was born: Short-form Theatrical animation. The studio had long since abandoned the theatrical short, yet it had found success with the occasional 10+ minute short, generally adjoined with its theatrical rereleases of classic animated films, Winnie the Pooh being a notable example.

The special was heavily rerun on The Disney Channel up into the 90’s and eventually found its way to VHS and Laserdisc

But Mickey… hell, Mickey hadn’t been seen on the big screen in three decades. Obviously, shit had to be done right. Unfortunately, the same animation strike and internal strife that plagued production on The Black Cauldron caused unforeseeable delays in Mickey’s Christmas Carol, and it would fail to premiere in the Winter of 1982.

“Sorry I couldn’t make it, folks”

More interestingly, Disney had already inked a deal to premiere the thing on CBS, and they’d apparently gone so far as to send out promotional materials heralding something wouldn’t be finished until a year later. What’s a Disney to do? Why, pillage the archives of course! And hastily cobble together cartoons dating back as far as 1933.

BREAKDOWN:
Children raised on VCRs no doubt recognize what’s about to go down

A Disney Christmas Gift has held a special place in my heart for decades, because it certainly got played in heavy rotation in our household. I can still vividly remember the title – scrawled in my own handwriting! – on a yellow Kodak VHS spine, which, in spite of a consistent shortage of blank tapes, somehow made it through the entire VCR era without getting recorded over. I can’t tell you how overjoyed I was to unearth a version of it after all these years… and I can’t tell you how underwhelming I find it now.

The dogs of Christmas

Maybe in the days predating Youtube and chapter-skipping DVDs, Disney could get away heading into The Vault and cutting together sizzle reels together to be released wherever it wanted. I know I enjoyed the hell out of them – Disney’s Sing-A-Long Songs come to mind. But at least many of those variety sets adhered to some sort of overarching theme, and you’d think jukeboxing the archives into a coherent Holiday shell would’ve been no problem for A Disney Christmas Gift. No so, apparently…

Apologies for the screen quality, these are all ripped from a VHS

I know those pictures of the live-action opening might go a long way towards tricking you into thinking you’re getting a full-blown Disney Christmas Extravaganza… But it’s little more than Yuletide B-roll accompanied by original Christmas music so goddamned clichéd it’s approaching cynicism, then used to bridge a rather careless grab bag of largely unrelated animation.

Pretty, pretty winter

Which really sucks… especially  because it kicks things off on a Holiday high note, beginning with the relatively obscure “Once Upon a Wintertime” short, originally featured as part of Disney’s theatrically-released Melody Time in 1948. Technically, it’s not even about Christmas, yet with its sleighbells, snow, and songs by Frances Langford scoring the comical courtship, it’s unarguably suited perfectly for it.

Leaving his mark of love on nature itself

Add to that, it’s got damn near everything that’s helped theatrical Disney animation continuously stand the test of time. To put it simply, “Once Upon a Wintertime” has simply everything you’d want to see in a Holiday cartoon. You’ve got romance, physical comedy, adorable animals and an utterly fantastic musical flourish from beginning to end. And then the creepiness of A Disney Christmas Gift sinks its teeth in…

“This is where you nightmares live”

A creepy chorus of overlayed narrators jarringly shatters the magic of the first abridged cartoon to bring you into the next. It’s not just cornball – lazy editing and cheesy wipes were just part of the eighties – it’s that it incredibly unnecessary unless they assumed their audience would’ve been 90% blind. Click here to hear it for yourself.

Better shots taken for a separate article

“Mickey, Pluto, and Chip and Dale! Christmas morning will never be the same!” That seems innocuous in text, but imagine it murmured to you by an overlayed horde of trickster demons hellbent on coaxing you away from your immortal soul! Sorry, that’s how it feels to me anyway. Yet before you can run screaming from the room, BAM: You’re in the middle of “Pluto’s Christmas Tree” one of my all time favorite Christmas cartoons! I’ve written about that short in depth, so forgive me I jump to the next clip.

I really should be capturing pics from my Bambi DVD

Que the satanic narrators: “Christmas mo-ooooorning, and it’s Bambi’s first Christ-mas Day!” Wait, what? And here’s where things get weird… The next clip is from Bambi, specifically that splendid sequence where Thumper teaches him to navigate the ice. So, perhaps I’m entering into nerd rage mode but… why you gotta rewrite history, man? We can see the snow – Bambi’s first, actually – so I’m fairly sure the audience can accept that it’s somewhere close to Holidays.

Thumper does his impression of me viewing A Disney Christmas Gift

Must you needlessly fabricate that these two friends are celebrating Christmas just to fit the needs of this slapdash special? By that criteria, are we to assume the forest creatures consider a cruel blanket of snow and ice, and the freezing over of their water supply… a gift?! Tell that to the decomposing carcasses of the animals that don’t make it through the harsh winter, mister! And we’re on to the next clip…

Surprise?!

“Faaaaantaaasyy. In Never-Never laaaand. Oh what would Chriiiiistmas be, without Peter Pan?” Just because you sing it doesn’t make it true! And what the hell does Peter Pan have to do with Christmas, anyway?! Either way, here’s where we get to enjoy the otherwise wonderful, yet totally unrelated to Christmas, sequence from Peter Pan where the children take flight from the nursery.

The only justification I can see for the Xmas inclusion is their pajamas are a bit Dickensian

As one of my favorite scenes from any movie, period, this one’s hard to knock in just about any context, except that it makes me want to watch the rest of the movie immediately. Perhaps the producers assumed that the ambiguity of night left them plausible deniability. “You don’t know it’s not Christmas in London.” That shit may’ve flown in Hook, but… fuck I don’t want to talk about Hook.

In any other place, at any other time this cartoon rocks

And we’re off to the next clip… Cool, a Donald Duck cartoon! Okay… but why this one exactly?! “The Clock Watcher” is certainly a fine short, involving Donald’s frustrations with his job as a department store gift wrapper. However, it’s more about the shenanigans of workaday drudgery, and I know for a fact Don’s got better Christmas cartoons than this one. Oh well, on to… Sword and the Stone?! Goddammit!

Nothing says “Christmas” live divine absolutism

“Christmas in Merry Old England…” No it isn’t, satanic storytellers! It’s just snowing, plus your lead has an American accent! Whatever, they spoil the climax of that movie and briefly show Wart transform into King Arthur with an incredibly abrupt fade right when the sword is yanked free. And if you thought that segment was a little tacked on….

Star Wipe!

“Bibbidy Bobbety boo?!” I’m a fairly amateur Disney archivist, but I believe I owned – at the time – a billion other Disney shorts better suited for Christmas than Cinderella’s Ball transformation. A fucking pumpkin is the only thing you’ve got to even remotely signify the latter quarter of the year, and even then… oh, wait a minute. Look what’s next…

Oh yeah, it’s Christmas. Not a company highlight reel

Before I could even fly off the handle at the throwaway Cinderella inclusion, A Disney Christmas Gift caps off the whole shebang with “The Night Before Christmas,” almost redeeming itself for all prior sins. This melodic Silly Symphony from 1933 could very well be one of the most classic pieces of Christmas animation since the Holiday retired Jesus and learned how to draw.

Toy Parade! With a cameo!

It’s just a joyous vision of the Holiday’s, depicting Santa as a magical creature, who not only represents Christmas, he uses it as a superpower! BANG: Tree Decorations! ZAP: care-hung stockings! BOOM: toys come to life! Good God, I can’t wait to focus an entire days entry on this short someday.

Santa brings the toys to life to do his decorative bidding

The special caps itself off with a pretty great sequence actually, involving antique Disney Toys long unseen at the time A Disney Christmas Gift originally aired, just clanking about the Christmas tree as if magically brought to life by the absence of humans.

An Earlier Toy Story

Come to think, I wouldn’t mind if the imagery in the finale played in my head all December long, and the same can be said about most of the special, provided you remove the ungodly narrators and horrifyingly dated bridge sequences.

Hardly a horrible finale

Even if Mickey’s your closest messianic approximation, he gets surprisingly little animated screentime.

Not a whole helluva lot, but the attention he gets during “The Night Before Christmas” more than makes up for it.

I’m aware that Disney had already recycled much of its Christmas-related footage into earlier specials, but the bizarre choices made here just to pad the hour irk me to no end. Disregarding the of-the-era production values, A Disney Christmas Gift still comes off as remarkably shameless and halfassed. Believe me, as a special I used to hold dear, I was overwhelmed with joy to obtain it once again… However, I can guarantee it won’t be receiving another airing in my house around the Holidays anytime soon.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Shop Amazon through us – it helps!)

A Disney Christmas Gift has never been available on DVD, but can found on VHS, used, for next to nothing. However, all of its recycled components can be found separately and of a superior quality, which is how I’d recommend you pick them up anyway.

A far better purchase for those hankering for short-form Disney Christmases should pick up the reasonably priced, Disney Animation Collection 7. This includes the vastly superior work that A Disney Christmas Gift served as the placeholder for, Mickey’s Christmas Carol, as well as Pluto’s Christmas Tree, and other Yuletide Toons. Both of the aformentioned cartoons are also miraculously still available from Amazon sellers at great prices in the Walt Disney Treasure set, Mickey Mouse: In Living Color, Volume Two which I thoroughly recommend for collectors who desire complete, uncut animation sets.

If you’re like me and would prefer to own the movies features in A Disney Christmas Gift in their entirety, Bambi is soon to be released on DVD and Blu-Ray Platinum Edition sets this March 1st. Peter Pan and Cinderella have been returned to The Vault, yet can still be purchased through Amazon sellers, but The Sword in the Stone is still available on DVD. Unfortunately you’re pretty SOL on “Night Before Christmas” until Disney rereleases its Silly Symphonies again (although I believe it’s featured as a special feature on certain versions of The Santa Clause.)

Previous Christmas Special
HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS

2009′s Dec. 1st  Christmas Special
MR. MAGOO’S CHRISTMAS CAROL

Had the good fortune to stop by the Walt Disney Family Museum and just looky at what the gift shop had for sale.

The museum doesn’t allow photography… thank God for the silent iPhone!

I’ve been to the San Francisco museum several times, and it’s a wonderful look at Walt’s legacy, as well as some highly sought after pieces of Disney memorabilia. For just $20 a ticket (kids get in cheaper) you’ll see hundreds of drawings, old toys, models, notes, Oscars, original posters, and animation equipment.

Seriously, it’s hard to take pics in here. People will ask you to stop

Even when I don’t plan on actually heading into the museum, I make it a point to drop buy the gift shop, since they sometimes get their hands on recently-made-rare, out-of-print merch you’d have to spend a fortune on elsewhere. (Specifically, several Walt Disney Treasures DVD sets can be found there at SRP, as opposed to the hefty sum they fetch on ebay.)

Lo and behold, I found an out-of-circulation piece from the Walt Disney Classics Collection: The “Earnest Employee” 10 1/8″ statue featuring Mickey Mouse as Bob Cratchit from Mickey’s Christmas Carol. The piece was discontinued in December of 2009, yet there it was sitting behind glass in the Disney Museum shop… Unfortunately stickered with a $250+ price tag, putting it well beyond my price range.

Just to entertain my curiosity, I looked it up and found that it originally came as part of a retired multi-piece Mickey’s Christmas Carol set (that I could also never dream to afford) along with Donald and Scrooge. (Although Donald’s “Festive Fellow” figure is still listed as “In Stock” on Amazon.) Whatever, should anybody else want to put in under or near their tree this year, now you know where to find it!

One of the stupidest Christmas specials ever made is finally arriving on DVD… just as the format is dying and more than two months after you’ve taken down the tree.

Apparently, Warner Brothers is prepping a DVD for Hanna-Barbera’s idiotically watchable Pac-Man TV series from 1982, in what could be one of the most ill-timed releases in the history of videogames, animation, shamefully nostalgic purchases and the Holidays in general.

The controversial “Rudolph catches cold” sequence

Not only will the DVD miss Christmas 2010 completely, it’ll only be available through the Warner Archive’s manufacture-on-demand service, meaning the studio burns DVDs as they’re ordered, slaps them into generic packaging, and generally includes a substandard transfer and no bonuses whatsoever. Not unlike, say, an ebay pirate!

Do you have any idea how hard it was to crop the Cartoon Network out of the screens I captured from the torrent I downloaded illegally?!

As irritating as I find the show, I’m like a consumer deer in headlights: Powerless to resist the idea owning it. But Christ, wouldn’t it have been kinda nice to cobble some kind of supplemental feature/retrospective doc together for one of gaming’s most prolific icons? Especially since fans have undoubtedly wanted to buy the show since the last episode aired in November of 1983!

A wonderful analogy! Complaining about the Pac-Man TV show: It’s like riding a tricycle in three feet of snow… Kid, you’re an idiot

So, why the wait? Well, Tvshowsondvd.com speculates that its Christmas-skipping, February/March 2011 release date is due to Namco’s desire to coincide with the launch of the Nintendo 3DS game, Pac-Man & Galaga. Okay… speaking from the perspective of someone who works in the “games industry,” I can assure you that Namco (re)releases Pac-Man games at a rate of about every seven seconds (HA, one even came out yesterday!)

“Hey guys, we’re finally getting some residuals!”

As someone who busts their ass to write a blog relevant to 1/12th of the year, clearly I’m no marketing strategist. However, I’m fairly certain that a far better time to release an ancient TV show starring Pac-Man that doesn’t hold up very well and should embarrass everyone involved, would’ve been during, I dunno, his 30th Anniversary! Which was in either May or October respectively, depending on whether you’re attributing his debut to Japan or North America, yet certainly doesn’t include March of 2011.

From iPhone to Xbox, every other platform in the world already tipped their hat to Pac earlier in the year, and the playable Google Pac-Man from last May was nothing short of a sensation, receiving full blown coverage from national, non-gaming news outlets, and capitalized on Pac-Man Fever in the most profound way since… well, you know.

Other no-frills Xmas specials available through Warner Archives

I love the Warner Archive program, and I imagine Pac-Man’s relegation to the made-to-order DVD format has more to do with the rights issues involved, yet I still feel Pac-Man deserves better. I dunno, what do you think? Click here to read all about Christmas Comes to Pacland.

BUGS BUNNY’S LOONEY CHRISTMAS TALES
Original Air Date: November 27, 1979

SYNOPSIS:
Bugs and the partially assembled Looney Tunes gang go through the Holiday motions!

BACKSTORY:
Although many people are given credit for the creation of Bugs Bunny, only one man brought him an Oscar. While Tex Avery popularized the version of Bugs we now know and love, Friz Freleng was the one who directed him to his only Academy Award, in 1958’s Knighty Knight Bugs.

Freleng and Bugs during better times

When Warner Bros. shut down its cartoon division in 1963, it allowed Freleng and the previous WB animation director, David DaPatie, to set up shop in its old animation facilities for a nominal fee, where they operated under the name of the DaPatie-Freleng Enterprises.

Logos that accompanied many a DFE cartoon

Rather than let their characters die, however, Warner licensed out the use of the Looney stable of characters to DFE and Chuck Jones Enterprises for several television projects – Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales was a joint product of both studios.

BREAKDOWN:
As much as I like the idea of “getting the band back together,” there’s a reason Bug Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales has been lost to time. These were the cheap years, the Speedy-Gonzales-versus-Daffy-Duck times most Looney Tunes fans don’t like to talk about.

Bugs opens the special by leading a group of drunks in song

Given the budget for what was essentially a heavily licensed, made-for-TV freelance assignment, I sure as shit didn’t expect a whole lot going in. So in a way I was not let down.

Love the backgrounds here

Both Jones and Freleng were well beyond their prime and, I’d guess, basically resurrecting old tricks for the money. It’s animated pretty poorly and the gags are, for the most part, simple retreads going through the motions.

It’s okay to feel uncomfortable

Looney Christmas Tales features three cartoons made fresh 30 years ago – two by Freleng and one by Chuck Jones. Now, I was faced with an overwhelming sense of dread at having to watch another adaptation of A Christmas Carol, especially at a run-time of seven or so minutes…

This is the most Bugs ever moves

But I sorta dug it since it was a surprisingly fresh take. Sure you’ve got the same old Dickens classic, recast with the Warner Bros. menagerie. Yosemite Sam is Scrooge, Porky Pig is Bob Cratchit, etc.

I noticed it, too, Bugs

Oh, and one role that hints at a adulterous Petunia Pig:

Yep, Tweety Bird as a genetically impossible Tiny Tim

But Bugs Bunny is pretty much Bugs Bunny. The only time a ghost even appears is when Bugs dresses like one.

It’s not unlike the old formula where they simply insert Bugs into any situation just to watch him torment another asshole, so I’ve got no complaints there.

This is how it ends – on Christmas night for a change

Only problem is, there’s no fluidity to the animation, nor to the Stalling-esque score we’ve come to associate with the rabbit’s escapades. Mel Blanc is on hand to provide all the recognizable character voices, but the sound effects seem to be on loan from Hanna-Barbera.

Spirited, but stupid

Chuck Jones’ Road Runner cartoon fares a bit better. By his own admission, there really isn’t much more to the Road Runner-Wile E. Coyote duo than concocting new ACME products and FAIL gags.

The only real premise at work is that Wile E. Coyote chases the Road Runner to the top of a mountain under the assumption that road runners hate snow.

In fact, he takes to it quite well

And no offense to the Road Runner or Wile E. Coyote, but it’s undeniably cool to see them running around someplace other than an art-deco desert for once. Plus the animation is a cut above.

Because Chuck Jones knows snow, bitches!

But probably the most notable cartoon is an all-new Tasmanian Devil short. Due to his latter-day popularity in commercials, mudflaps and television appearances, people tend to forget that Taz only starred in five theatrical shorts. (By comparison, Bugs was in almost 150!)

Great! Now I have a new phobia

In a bit of contrived self-awareness, even the pilots wonder why they’re shipping a Tasmanian Devil from Australia over the North Pole on Christmas Eve. But hey, that’s what gets him where he needs to be!

Animal cruelty?

Ever-afraid to portray cartoon characters as married – and thereby unattainable – Bugs is made to be caring for his nephew over the Holidays.

Who could forget Bugs’ nephew, “Nephew?”

Bugs proceeds to torment Taz, who actually seems even more punch-drunk and lost than usual on this occasion, to the point where you almost feel sorry for him.

Taz’s don’t know that table’s not food!

Either way, The Fright Before Christmas is the only short from this special that found its way in to regular airings on Saturday mornings alongside Warner Bros.’ popular, much better looking, theatrical shorts.

Not unlike the tree, this scene was trimmed in subsequent airings

The half-assed wraparound that bookends the three shorts fizzles out with Bugs riding off into the Christmas night with the rest of the Looney Tunes…

“Goodbye, Docs”

Right before Taz eats the sleigh, for a last-ditch comedic effort before the buzzer.

Obligations

What kind of goofy God would make a rabbit who could talk?! Keep your religion the hell away from my Looney Tunes!

Plenty of characters don the famous red suit, but only the big guy’s hoause makes an actual appearance.

All dressed up with no one around

Every time I beat back my Holiday cynicism, something like Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales comes along to keep me on my toes. Even thirty years later it resembles the shameless cash-in it always was: The Godfather III of Christmas specials. And above all, NO DAFFY!

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales is available on its own only on VHS, so it should be easy to avoid. However, it’s also included as a special feature on the Looney Tunes: Golden Collection, Volume 5, part of the phenomenal DVD series that contains nearly seven hours of Warner Bros. bliss. While you’re at it, pick up the latest volume as well – Warner has just announced that they’re discontinuing the Golden Collection,  so even a mild interest could turn into an extremely valuable collectors item! (Don’t believe me?  Peep the price on this similar Disney series that went on sale just two years ago.)

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN

FRAGGLE ROCK: THE BELLS OF FRAGGLE ROCK
Original Air Date: December 24, 1984

SYNOPSIS:
Gobo is having trouble believing in the Fraggles’ Holiday traditions. Is he willing to risk their lives for his curiosity?

BACKSTORY:
Fraggle Rock premiered on January 10, 1983, as a joint venture among many channels and many nations. Following the worldwide success of Jim Henson’s Sesame Street, but also the difficulty translating the show to all the nationalities who wanted a piece, Fraggle Rock was designed to be a show easily understandable to all audiences.

The Fraggles dealt with universal themes like fear, jealously, sharing, and other issues easily relatable to viewers regardless of language or cultural background. So while US audiences tuning in on HBO saw sequences starring Doc, Sprocket and Uncle Traveling Matt, these brief scenes were re-shot to be made specific to the country it was airing in.

Fraggle Rock aired for only five seasons, yet has shown remarkable longevity on cable and abroad. Though the Henson Company has sold the rights to both The Muppets and Sesame Street, it retains ownership of The Fraggles, and is even readying a movie for them in 2010.

BREAKDOWN:
Oh, how I love Fraggle Rock! Each of the five characters is instantly lovable, and relatable to any human with a brain capable of watching. I was too poor to have watched these episodes when they originally aired in the states on HBO, yet I wasn’t ready to fully appreciate it during the subsequent airing on TNT I was eventually exposed to.

Wembley is very committed to that tropical shirt

My preteen brain was unable to grasp how well written the show and its above-and-beyond music were, and only as an adult can I truly exalt the wonderful way in which the marvelous universe of Fraggles, Dozers, and Gorgs presented some incredibly deep and heartfelt lessons.

Doc explains to Sprocket the various cultural traditions people celebrate during the Winter Solstice

I dare say I could’ve used a viewing of The Bells of Fraggle Rock as a teenager, when I was so fucking busy screaming about the stupidity of religion and the inherent benefits of atheism. Seriously, this is a Christmas episode with a message so powerfully unique that I’m embarrassed about the way I conducted myself into near-adulthood.

FYI, The Fraggles never even mention Christmas

In this episode, Gobo, the adventurous young explorer, is beginning to question the cultural traditions of his fellow Fraggles. Every year, the Fraggles celebrate The Festival of the Rock. They dress up, sing songs and ring bells in order to trigger the chiming of the Great Bell and keep The Rock (their home, not the wrestler) from stopping at the apex of its orbit and making life uninhabitably cold.

Not feeling the group costume

Problem is, Gobo is finding it increasingly difficult to slap on a smile and perform the rituals his people have been merrily but blindly conducting for years in the name of fun and survival.

If a sad sack like Boober can get behind the Holiday, surely Gobo can?!

What is it all for, and how is anything they do making a bit of difference in the scheme of things? All of Wembley’s, Mokey’s, Boober’s, and Red’s promises of fun and costumes are doing little to persuade him to leave it be and just enjoy himself.

Bah Humbug

Even the phenomenal song “There’s a Promise” (which I’m convinced should be allowed into our pantheon of Holiday music, if only for being absolutely beautiful and nondenominational!), lead by spiritual guru Cantus (who just so happens to be voiced by Jim Henson himself), does little to dissuade him.

Note the one guy not singing

It seems Gobo will only be satisfied with a literal interpretation of the Fraggles’ holiday.

Gobo finds a map in a box marked “Really Old Stuff”

He must see the mythical Great Bell in the center of the rock for himself, or bring back word to the others that it was all a sham.

Cantus maintains he does not sound like Rowlf the Dog

Cantus counsels Gobo that he need not go on such a dangerous journey, since the answer he’s really looking for is much closer. But Gobo makes a huge scene and embarks on the mission anyway.

Oh, and meanwhile Matt expounds on the strangeness of “Silly Creature” culture

Cantus quietly accompanies Gobo at a distance, and allows him to see whatever it is he needs to see.

I don’t want to ruin it

Through a series of literal, as well as spiritual, interpretations, Gobo eventually does find the answer, even though it wasn’t necessarily the one he was looking for.

Meanwhile, the gang freezes their asses off waiting for Gobo to return

But once he narrowly makes it back to Fraggle Rock, he finds that all of his friends have frozen. Whether this was due to the absence of Cantus or the lack of the ceremony is unimportant. The Festival of the Bells has not taken place, and Gobo has interfered with the natural order of things set in place by people far older and wiser than himself.

The horror!

Personally, I don’t see it as a message of conformity, but rather one of cultural acceptance. The Fraggles’ traditions are equal parts biological and religious; a fun way of acknowledging a balance within their universe.

Lesson hopefully learned

After unfreezing his friends, Gobo realizes that cultural traditions can have more importance than their face value. At no time is he asked not to question these beliefs, but he definitely learns that satisfying his own curiosity shouldn’t have to come at the expense of the beliefs and behavior enjoyed by others.

Gobo joins in the reprise of this fantastic song

I’m not a religious guy by any means, but it’s hard to interpret this any other way. Though neither Jesus nor Christianity are ever mentioned specifically, there’s a profound message of cultural acceptance here and I believe faith is a big part of that.

The only Santa to be seen is the small toy that Sprocket plays with.

I genuinely feel that there’s an unbelievably beautiful moral to The Bells of Fraggle Rock, one that encompasses all cultural holidays and truly embodies the spirit of the Christmas season better than just about any special I’ve ever seen. Doc does a good job of explaining to Sprocket why people celebrate winter holidays, and Traveling Matt’s outsider perspective on the Human’s Christmas really helps drive the point home. No Shit: If there’s one Christmas special on this entire stupid blog I believe every parent should show their kids, it’s this one.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

The Bells of Fraggle Rock appears on the one-disc Merry Fraggle Holiday, as well as on the boxed set, Fraggle Rock: The Complete Third Season. Of course, it’s also contained in Fraggle Rock: The Complete Series Collection, but that should go without saying. I wholeheartedly recommend picking up any of these wonderful sets.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
INVADER ZIM: THE MOST HORRIBLE X-MAS EVER

ROBBIE THE REINDEER in HOOVES OF FIRE
Original air date: December 25, 1999

SYNOPSIS:
Rudolph’s well-intentioned but ill-applied offspring heads to the North Pole to fulfill his destiny as Santa’s chief navigator, only to find that he’s up against both a territorial Blitzen and the march of technology.  Will he step up his party-boy game in time, or have to return home a Prodigal Son?

BACKSTORY:
Robbie the Reindeer in Hooves of Fire premiered Christmas Day 1999 on the BBC.  The special was presented to benefit the charity organization Comic Relief, and it went on to win a prestigious BAFTA award in 2000, beating out such steep competition as Robot Wars and So Graham Norton.

Despite huge popularity in the U.K., it received a lukewarm reception in the U.S., where it was initially picked up by Fox Family and later sold to CBS.  Attributing its lack of appeal to the thick and varied British accents (and, let’s be honest, looking to score some star appeal), CBS re-dubbed it for American audiences in 2002, enlisting the voices of such Hollywood illuminati as Ben Stiller, Brad Garrett, Hugh Grant, and the famous voice actor Britney Spears.  Stripping the original characters of both their charm and comic timing, though, the U.S. version’s main value has proven to be as the clearest recorded example of voice-over work done through a mouthful of Cheetos.

The voice of Robbie the Reindeer: Father Ted’s Ardal O’Hanlon in the U.K., Ben Stiller in the U.S.

Robbie is the son of Rudolph, although that famous reindeer is never mentioned specifically by name. This allowed the production to play loose with the lore set in place by the 1964 Rudolph Christmas special. According to that legend, Donner should be Robbie’s grandfather, but instead she’s Robbie’s female teammate and eventual love interest.  Try not to think about it too much.

Grandpa?!?!

Although Hooves of Fire wasn’t technically made by Aardman Animations (the studio most famous for the Wallace and Gromit series), many Aardman staff – including director Richard Goleszowski – worked on the production, and their influence is readily apparent in its characteristic style.  Fans of the aforementioned limey and his inimitable pooch will find plenty to love in Robbie’s similarly detailed animation, vivid expressions, and twisted British sense of humor.

Two more Robbie specials were later created: Legend of The Lost Tribe in 2002 and Close Encounters of the Herd Kind in 2007.  And having never seen either of them, that’s all I have to say about that.

BREAKDOWN:
Our story begins with Robbie’s arrival in Coldchester, North Pole – home of none other than jolly old St. Nick.  Robbie is the son of a famous reindeer whose name we never quite learn (for copyright reasons, rumor has it – because asset protection is to Christmas as gluttony is to Thanksgiving), but if I had to guess, I’d wager that he probably had a very shiny nose.

I have no idea what this sign says, but I bet it’s full of dry British humour

Robbie’s immediately greeted by his new housemates and fellow sleigh-pullers: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome frat-boy Prancer; sulking sexpot Vixen; bubbly welcome wagon Donner; and malevolent alpha male Blitzen.  Blitzen can’t wait to welcome the famous Robbie to the gang, but something about his Jeremy Irons-esque drawl (as voiced by Steve Coogan) seems to presage evil.

Check out special-needs Beaker on the right there...

Apparently the product of some sort of genetic lottery gone awry, Robbie’s got a schnozz that’s part GPS and part seeing-eye dog, with a dash of ESP thrown in for good measure. And, like most celebrity offspring, he’s also overweight, lazy, entitled, and all too quick to embarrass himself on film.

What not to wear

Still, his heart’s in the right place – poor Robbie just wants to take his rightful place as the head of Santa’s sleigh team (and if he gets to bone Vixen in the meantime, well, so be it).  And with that Google-maps beak of his, he knows he’s got this one in the bag…

This hunk of red clay is smarter than Miss South Carolina.

Or does he?  In the absence of he-who-shall-not-be-named, Blitzen has been playing leader of the pack, and he’s not about to give up his throne without a fight.  Especially not to the son of some stinking red-nose who stole his thunder all those years ago.

Despite appearances, there is not actually a break-dancing sequence in this special.  Sorry, kids.

Robbie’s none too keen on the 364-day training regimen portion of the program as it is, so a scheming Blitzen pounces on his opportunity to encourage him to eat and sleep his way off the team.

Uh, Robbie? You’re doing it wrong.

But wait – who said anything about anyone leaving the team?…

Oh yeah – this guy.

The reindeer soon learn that a mid-life-crisis Santa’s gone and gotten himself a souped-up new ride, complete with a navigation system so advanced even Mrs. Claus could drive this thing.  And that means he’ll be needing one less steed to pull him to adulation, so it’s auf wiedersehen to the reindeer who is most unfit (criteria courtesy of local helping-hand Blitzen).

If you thought Santa’s calves were scary, wait ’til you meet this wigger

It’s a rude awakening for Robbie, who realizes he’s traded his legacy for a quarter-pounder.  So he does what any troubled celebu-spawn would: runs away from home and slums it with a blue-collar job in the local toy factory.

Octomonkey!

As the product of a life of luxury, though, Robbie is woefully unprepared for even the most banal factory work, and he undergoes a series of demotions that culminate in the humiliation of being used as a human (ah, reindeer) forklift.

And you thought antlers were just for giving your decor that special “Palin” vibe

Fortunately, Donner spots our familiar forklift one day during a factory visit, and she’s got good news for Robbie – she has a plan!  The way for Robbie to reclaim his place on the sleigh team is to win a medal in the upcoming Reindeer Games (sponsored by Hay^TM), thus redeeming himself in Santa’s eyes.

PSYCH!  It’s a dream sequence, suckahs…

But for that to happen they’re going to need a miracle, or at least a “wise old coach who can save the day.”  Enter Old Jingle, the local crazy-as-balls, older-than-dirt Mr. Miyagideer.

Homina, Homina, Homina

Jingle whips Robbie into shape with the workout montage to end all workout montages and, during a rare bout of lucidity, soothes his nerves with some sage old-man wisdom.

Aaaand Vangelis will be needing a clean pair of boxers

By the time the big day arrives, not only is Robbie a lean, mean steeple-chasing machine, but he’s also found new motivation in his spontaneously realized love for Donner (who’d been pining for him all along, but in that cryptic, passive-aggressive way that women do.  So, you know, he could be forgiven for giving her the brush-off.)

“I love everything about the person I’m going to change you into”

Still, it’s not going to be a trot in the park.  Turns out Blitzen’s ambitions are more A-Rod than Iditarod – he’s been juicing (apparently you can drink steroids now, which would have been nice to know before I had a forearm like a pimiento loaf…) to gain a hoof up on the competition.

Pop quiz: which one of these hairy beasts has bedded Madonna?

Fortunately, Blitzen’s ‘roid rage is no match for Rocky’s – er, Robbie’s – training (and general love-fueled mania).  Even after sprinting out of the park pre-race to rescue a prostrate Old Jingle from his poorly placed (read: on top of him) house, Robbie manages to return and chase Blitzen down to a photo finish.

And the winner is…Blitzen, by a nose!  BURN.

No matter – the Reindeer Games commission is onto Blitzen anyway, and Robbie could care less, what with the all-night romp-in-the-hay you know he’s in for (don’t think I don’t know that look, Donner…).

Yesssssss

So Santa apologizes in the best way men know how – by lending Robbie his wheels and never mentioning this again – and Robbie and Donner ride off into the moonset to the sounds of a Mark Knopfler song cheesy enough to plug you up from now ’til New Year’s.

You kids be careful, now, or it’s gonna be more than just your hooves on fire.

Awww, shucks.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

Hooves on Fire is available on DVD, packaged with Robbie’s 2002 follow-up, The Legend of The Lost Tribe. The disc contains both British and American voice tracks, but, in the biggest slap in the face since the Boston Tea Party, bills the original version as a bonus “alternate U.K. audio track.”

Hooves director Richard Goleszowski went on to work with Aardman studios on the Creature Comforts series, including this double-sized Christmas episode available on a stand alone DVD as well as the Wallace and Gromit spin-off Shaun the Sheep.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer

RUDOLPH THE RED-NOSED REINDEER
Original Air Date: December 6, 1964

SYNOPSIS:
Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer had a very shiny nose, and if you ever saw it… you’d know how fucking awesome it is!

BACKSTORY:

The original book and an 1960′s advert featuring the characters from GE, the shows original sponsor

The story of Rudolph began life as a promotional book by Robert L. May commissioned by Montgomery Ward to give away during the Christmas of 1939. In 1949, Johnny Marks adapted May’s poem into the Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer into the song we all know today.

The last cartoon by Popeye helmer, Max Fleischer was actually Rudolph’s first animated appearance in 1948

Following the success of TV’s first animated Christmas special, Mister Magoo’s Christmas Carol, networks were on the prowl for Christmas specials. You could say NBC really scored when they struck a deal with producers Arthur Rankin Jr. and Jules Bass: Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer has run annually every year since 1964, making it TV’s longest running Christmas special!

Rankin/Bass produced many other successful stop motion, holiday-themed specials over the next three decades until that division folded in favor of traditionally animated entertainment, such as Thundercats and The Hobbit.

BREAKDOWN:
To any of you who were butt hurt over yesterday’s choice of special, this should more than make up for it. Without a doubt, one of the most iconic examples of, not only the Christmas special, but the medium of stop motion animation at large.

Still beautiful

I know what you’re thinking… Does it hold up? I hadn’t seen in a few years and didn’t expect it to either, but as of this writing I’m overcome with giddiness to report that it most certainly does!

I’d forgotten about the live action intro

The animation is far less rudimentary than all those parodies we’ve seen over the years eould have you remember. Each and every character is wonderfully articulated, the camera pans and adjust their focus for movement, and characters make detailed impressions in the snow with every movement. In other words: It’s still a beautiful sight to behold.

Burt Ives serves as our frosty narrator

One of the reasons I still love it so much is that the main cast is made up entirely of losers. Rudolph and Hermey are classic sad sacks, each of them representing the dregs of their judgmental and shortsighted castes.

Not too high

The beginning of the special is largely devoted to heaping shit on both Rudolph and Hermey. And would you look at that, even Ol Saint Nick gets in on the act?

“Damn , dawg! Turn that shit down!“

Rudolph is forced by his father – who I didn’t remember being Donner, one of Santa’s starting line-up – to wear a false rubber nose that restricts his breathing.

Societal Acceptance > Oxygen

Similarly, Hermey – and yes it’s Hermey, not Herbie! – has to hide his love of dentistry in front of the other elves for fear of being berated by hairless midgets.

No one likes getting chewed out by an elf

Rudolph’s façade eventfully comes a tumblin’ down in full view of all, and he is disbarred from any further participation within Reindeer Games. (There’s gotta be a better way to word that!)

Love the eye effects during this sequence

Clarice, the cloven hottie, follows in pursuit and nearly brings ‘Dolph out of his funk. But unfortunately her dickhead dad puts the kibosh on that.

D’Awwwww

Rudolph is at peak sulk right about now… but fortunately, he’s about to meet up with a kindred spirit.

Apparently, the song sung at this point was removed from Rudolph’s second airing in 1965, and that’s a shame. Now, it’s not that the song here is musically above and beyond, or even that it’s all that necessary. I’d only call it bad in comparison to the other ditty here, also written by Johnny Marks.

Sam the Snowman cranks out the superior tunes

But I love it when two unrelated, societal castoffs find a way to get together, and the song is essentially a safe-for-network television way for Rudoplh and Hermey to say, “Fuck ‘em all! We don’t need em!”

1960′s water effects courtesy of Cocaine

Either way the song, entitled “We’re a Couple of Misfits,” was restored into the special in 1998, and is present on the latest DVD edition I just purchased.

Peace!

Any hoo, the boys set off to begin their brand new life together. Anywhere but here, am I right boys?

Oh…

But they’re not on their own for very long, as the boys quickly meet up with outcast peppermint prospector Yukon Cornelius…

Action figures of Yukon Cornelius replaced his revolver with a nonviolent knife

Who’s quick thinking saves them from a fatal run in with the Abominable Snowman.

Not spark another Pixar conspiracy, but fans of Monsters Inc. will see the inspiration

Yukon chips severs an ice flow and the boys float off into God knows where

I’m on a float!

Okay, the next sequence is a favorite for me, and I can’t imagine I’m alone.

C’mon, who wouldn’t want one of these?!

The boys – hell, men – land on the Island of Misfit toys, a place where broken or slightly irregular toys go to commiserate.

Personally, I’ve got a soft spot for the spotted elephant

It shouldn’t surprise you that I have an affinity for toys come to life, therefore I not only love this scene because the unlovable toy models are so awesome, but over the last 40 years many a toy line has been based off of these misfit toys and proved quite popular.

The Original Lion King

Evidently, a noble flying lion has been scooping the refuse toys up from all over the globe, and he offers the flesh-based misfits sanctuary so long as they tell Santa about the existence of the Island so that he may eventually find a home for his flock of unloved playthings on some future Christmas.

The palatial royal quarters

Rudolph steals away in the night, so as night to endanger his pals any further, and ages into a full grown reindeer in the months of solitude.

All growed up

He returns to the North Pole to find out that his friends and family have been out looking for him the whole time, and it’s his term to go find them.

Gasp!

Luckily, Hermey and Cornelius show up and help Rudolph defeat the Abominable snow monster.

Oral Offense

Ouch, Hermey yanks the monster’s teeth out!

Kind of above and beyond cruelty, actually

And Corny shoves the, now powerless, oaf off a cliff.

Does Cornelius survive? Tune in next year…

We now find the North Pole beaten down by a record blizzard and Santa is threatening to cancel Christmas.

If weather conditions are that much of a factor, maybe setting up shop in the North Pole was a bad business decision

And Santa finally realizes what we’ve known all along: Rudolph’s luminescent schnoz can light the way.

Just like the song!

Christmas is saved, and everyone finds a new lot in life. Hermey gets permission to open up a dental practice, and Yukon Cornelius finds a peppermint pipeline. Even the Bombby finds a new place to fit in:

Probably my favorite image in the whole special

And thanks to a letter writing campaign the year following its debut, the next year Rankin/Bass animated a sequence where Santa returns to the Island of Misfit Toys and deploy them over the end credis.

I can’t believe this scene wasn’t in the original airing

Not much. Even back in the 60’s, networks weren’t all that crazy about presenting the Good Word on primetime television

Santa’s here a lot. And I love that even though he’s not a central character, he begins the story as kind of a prick, and eventually learns a thing or two about acceptance, too.

Classic

Easily half a century’s worth. I went back into Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer fully expecting an experience only enjoyable through nostalgia goggles. Believe the hype, this one is truly timeless.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer appears on an ultra affordable standalone DVD, but with no notable bonus features to speak of, I’d have to recommend The Original Christmas Classics Boxed set. The price is a steal, plus it contains six more classic Christmas specials, including other Rankin/Bass stop motion classics like The Little Drummer Boy and Santa Claus is Comin’ to Town. And I can’t recommend the Holiday Figurine set enough. Featuring almost all of Rudolph‘s primary cast, I propose that this become every atheist’s annual nativity scene.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
Mystery Science Theater 3000: Santa Claus

MYSTERY SCIENCE THEATER 3000: SANTA CLAUS
Original Air Date: December 24, 1993

SYNOPSIS:
Just in time for the holidays, Mike and the Bots are forced to endure the most twisted version of Santa Claus the world has ever seen!

BACKSTORY:
Mystery Science Theater 3000 was the brainchild of magician/comedian Joel Hodgson in 1988. What began as two puppets and a man yelling improvised lines over full-length movies on a small Minnesota UHF station transformed into two puppets and a guy writing incredibly insightful and hilarious lines to yell over full-length movies on Comedy Central starting in 1989, and then on the Sci-Fi Channel from 1997 to its cancellation in 1999 (10 years ago?!)

MST3K ran for over a decade on multiple channels and in syndication, and even produced one theatrically released movie

The show maintains a large cult following, and DVDs of the hour-and-a-half episodes (cutting out the commercials) continue to trickle out on a semi-regular basis. The hold-up is due partly to the need to purchase the rights to an entire movie for each episode in addition to the cost of licensing the show. Fortunately for fans, in 2009 Shout Factory finally released the highly sought-after episode featuring the 1959 Mexican film Santa Claus.

While Santa Claus received a very limited theatrical release within the states, it’s grown into a cult classic all its own due to an extended life on television throughout the last 50 years, as well as an absurdly loose understanding of the legend of Santa Claus.

The now immortal “Patrick Swayze Christmas” from a previous MST3K Xmas

BREAKDOWN:
Yesterday’s special, It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown put me into a whole “Midwestern Christmas” vibe, and I figured I’d ride that crest into one of my favorite shows ever: MST3K. Hell, it’s kind of a twofer if you think about it. Bear with me, though… it gets a little nuts.

These jerks shot a guy into space to make him watch really bad movies

Okay, before the dozen or so of you reading this blog start yelling at me… I’m aware that this isn’t animated. But technically, neither are The Muppets, and you can be damn sure I’m going to write about them again. Besides, it’s good for my sanity during this ridiculous marathon of daily bloggage, and I had to figure out some way to watch the DVDs I preordered months ago.

Apparently, Gypsy had started knitting the sweater for Joel

Anyway, after belting out a Christmas carol that goes horribly, violently wrong, Mike and the bots exchange horrible gifts with one another.

There is no present worse than a savings bond

Things don’t fare much better for the Mads. TV’s Frank got his boss, Dr. Forrester, a necklace, and then even shaved his head. Unprepared, Dr. Forrester gives Frank an old savings bond made out to himself. They introduce the south-of-the-border Christmas film… and this is where things really get weird.

And I’m not talking about this

In the 1950’s, Mexico didn’t associate Christmas with Santa so much…

A gateway to horror

Whether this film was meant as a means of spreading the holiday (or Christianity) down Mexico way, or was simply a case of one country presenting another country’s culture as quaint folklore, I can’t be sure. But the result is one of the most warped and disturbing versions of Christmas, Santa Claus and the Holidays ever carried out by well-intentioned people.

This’ll all make sense in a second

In this version, Santa Claus lives in Outer Space

Post-Nothing Fantasia

Where he oversees the production of toys occurring in a place called “Toyland”

A Very Merry Sweatshop

And said toys are not made – day in and day out – by elves… but by children hailing from various nationalities.  Santa’s got child laborers from America:

Fine, we’re an easy target

Germany:

Okay… that’s a little racist

The “Orient”:

Full-fledged racism, nailed it

And even Africa:

WOW

And just when the film is done presenting stereotypes with the utmost of insensitivity, it introduces Satan.

Aww, Mexico! Don’t belittle our Devil too

Apparently, the Devil has assigned his best man, Pitch, the task of turning kids evil just in time for the merriest of holidays!

Psst… celebrate Kwanzaa

Meanwhile, we catch Santa as he literally watches over little boys and girls the world over. Hardly a mere voyeur, the big guy has an apparatus that lets him see into minds, dreams, and bedrooms…

Oh, it gets creepier

Wait for it…

Seriously, Santa? You could at least try and look less excited.

And the audience gets to revel in Santa’s hedonistic delight. Watch as a young “rich boy” dreams of exhuming his deadbeat parents from a pair of festive coffins, won’t you?

Hooray!

So while the Devil’s favorite minion is off invading the dreams of of preschoolers, let’s take a break for my favorite host segment of the whole piece. Because this time around, Mike and the bots exit the theater to rock the Satellite of Love to its foundation, courtesy of their new-age synth-ensemble, Santa Kläws!

“Are you ready to be merry!?”

Do they, in fact, rock?

Oh, yes indeed

Now, nothing against the host segments here  – they’re fine and the riffing is just above average.  But the film itself is by far the star of this particular episode. I can’t recommend watching Santa Claus and it’s utterly bizarre interpretation of Christmas enough.

Just another day with the Devil

It’s one of those movies you might’ve heard about and always meant to watch, but lord knows I’d never get around to doing if not for the added draw of running commentary from a couple of robots.

“Kill Me!”

Did you know Santa’s reindeer are white, crank-activated, creepy as all hell, and turn to dust if they don’t return to outer space by sun-up Christmas Day?

It’s a fact! (in Mexico.)

And how familiar are you with Santa’s technique for navigating the world’s households unseen?

A rope ladder, it’s so simple

Or did you know that he has a flower that makes him invisible? What about the magic powder he blows in the faces of woken children to knock them back to sleep?

Even inattentive parents will know Santa’s poison

SO, the devil continues to possess the minds of Spanish-speaking North Americans and still finds the time to sabotage Santa’s sleigh and its arsenal of dirty Christmas tricks…

If you don’t have a kid to force through this film, rent one

However, the demon’s final masterstroke proves to be his greatest: getting a dog to chase Santa up a tree.

Christmas better have a Plan B

With nothing left in his bag of tricks, the devil provokes the home’s residents into arming themselves – with guns! – and slaying Santa as if he were a dangerous intruder.

“But honey, I need these bullets for bullfighting”

Santa reaches out to his only remaining life line and calls out to the North Po…I mean, Galactic Headquarters! And what valiant hero heeds the call? Is it Jack Frost? Mrs. Claus? How about one of his many indentured children? None of the above…

Why it’s Merlin, of course

The Arthurian legend acts fast (for a man centuries old) and tells Santa to reach into his sack and pull out a stuffed cat to distract the dog long enough to make his escape. Christmas is saved, evil is punished, and all viewers under the age of 10 are scarred for life.

This picture is 1080p, so any dust or hair you perceive is the fault of your monitor

But it’s not like MST to end on a down note, heavens no. Borrowing the liberties taken with the film, a light snow falls on the Satellite of Love.

A rare moment of gravity and weather

And that’s not all! Pitch the Demon stops by for a visit to Deep 13 and is confronted by none other than Santa Claus, to deliver the fightin’ finale the film never did.

Will the Devil get his due?! Who cares, it’s a comedy!

Santa does mention The Lord Jesus Christ a single time, although I can’t be entirely certain it wasn’t a mistranslation of “Merlin.” But there can’t be a Devil without a Jesus, right? So, I’m awarding one cross for that, another for the nativity scene Santa fixes at the beginning, and the last for the following ending screen:

It’s that simple

SANTA’S METER OVERFLOWETH! I dare say there’s too much Santa in this movie… I know I certainly could’ve done with less.

Hanukkah Harry would be ashamed

Again, there’s just this “Gee, Gosh, shucks, it’s Christmastime dontcha know?” quality to both MST3K and the Peanuts special that makes me warm all over. It playfully mixes in the sweet with the cynical, and I can’t really imagine that ever becoming any less timeless.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the site!)

Santa Claus is available on DVD in the Mystery Science Theater 3000 Volume 16 box set, which also includes a personal favorite of mine, Warrior of the Lost World, and a kickass Tom Servo bust! If you’re bold enough to go Santa Claus alone, you can also purchase a bare-bones, bot-less version at your own personal risk. The immortal MST3K “Patrick Swayze Christmas” song appears in the episode Santa Claus Conquer the Martians, which is available in the Mystery Science Theater 3000: The Essentials collection, on a double bill with Manos: The Hands of Fate. You can’t go wrong with that disc, trust me.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special
IT’S CHRISTMASTIME AGAIN, CHARLIE BROWN

IT’S CHRISTMASTIME AGAIN, CHARLIE BROWN
Original Air Date: November 27, 1992

SYNOPSIS:
For the their 36th primetime animated special, Charlie Brown and the Peanuts gang revisit Christmas for the first time in almost 30 years!

BACKSTORY:
Does anybody really need to tell you that A Charlie Brown Christmas was huge?

Since its first airing in 1965, it’s been broadcast every year since, on multiple networks, and has pretty much become synonymous with the entire concept of the Christmas Special. To that end, it’s almost odd that it took Charles Schultz and Bill Melendez three decades to return to the well.

Seriously, this special made its debut at a gas station

Instead of forging an all new tale, It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown was adapted directly from numerous Holiday-themed “Peanuts” strips. This special also marked the first time a Peanuts special premiered direct-to-video – it was sold exclusively on VHS at Shell gas stations beginning in September of 1992?!

BREAKDOWN:
In case it isn’t obvious, I’m far less motivated to cover the “classic” Christmas Specials everyone remembers. They’re generally well worn territory, and often above reproach. Which is why so far, I’ve gotten more of a kick out of dredging up the ones that, whether good or bad, have fallen through the cracks. It’s Christmas Time Again, Charlie Brown makes for a great entry because it’s all of the above criteria, rolled into one.

Linus’ cardboard sled is filled with Yule Tide FAIL

Who among us doesn’t have a soft spot for Charlie Brown and Christmas?! By my count, fucking everybody. It’s Christmas Time Again, Charlie Brown, though, certainly isn’t the reason why.

However, I’d like to stipulate right of the bat: It’s not that It’s Christmas Time Again is bad – far from it, actually. In fact, should you have an interest in any of the other Charlie Brown specials that have aired over the last 50 years, you’ll find plenty to love here.

Santa’s helpers

Bill Melendez once again employed children instead of actors in the speaking roles, so there’s little-to-no change to the quaint Peanuts style of minimalist animation and low-fi sound. Plus, they’ve even resurrected Vince Guaraldi’s immortally jazzy score for its first appearance in a Charlie Brown animated special since the composer’s death in 1975.

Peppermint Patty refuses to do her homework

It bears all the earmarks of its classic precursor, so why did it fail to resonate with audiences and receive only a single airing on CBS? Well, popular older brother aside, It’s Christmas Time Again just doesn’t have much of a story.

Charlie Brown’s pathetic tree makes a brief cameo at the very end

The original Charlie Brown Christmas has surely benefited from being one of the first Christmas specials, but you also can’t deny its remarkable distinctness, especially in the way it revels in the depressing nature of the Holidays, abject failure, and the cruelty of children.

Sally rehearses her single line in the Christmas play…it doesn’t go well

It’s Christmastime Again doesn’t even bear the benefits of having poor Charlie Brown as a central character to constantly kick in the teeth. And since it was adapted directly from multiple three-panel jokes ripped from several years worth of newspaper funnies, there’s not even a central theme here; instead, you’re presented with a series of vignettes which, while funny and quintessential Schulz, don’t give you a lot to hold onto.  I’ll lay out an example for you:

“Where are all the candy canes?”
“Have you looked outside?”

HA!

The entire special simply rolls along with brief, dare I say Robot Chicken-esque, gags like the above, but it’s rather charming nonetheless. Even though there’s no unifying thesis at work, I’d still like to believe these are see some of Schulz’s personal thoughts on the nature of Christmas, updated for (slightly) more modern times.

A “credit card” is referenced as a rare reminder that this isn’t the 1950′s

Charlie Brown undergoes typical misfortune while trying to buy the “Little Red-Head Girl” a pair of gloves for $25 (a price I’d like to think was more reflective of current times).

Some punk ass kid mangles his inventory

And I couldn’t help but sympathize with him when he tried to sell his entire comic book collection to raise the funds.

We find out that the object of Chuck’s affection is named Peggy Jean

Whoops, turns out she already got the gloves! Now I’ll admit that that’s failure, it’s just nowhere near what we’ve come to know as Charlie Brown-level failure.

At least the gloves find a good home.

Chuck isn’t even the star here, actually. His sister Sally gets far more screen time, and she seems to be the one struggling with the meaning of Christmas, caught between her role in a Christmas play and the materialistic outlook of the Holidays.

Linus reads the Good Word from an unmarked Bible

Only Peppermint Patty’s parts retain that old-time Peanuts brand of melancholy, albeit mainly by way of her own ego issues wrapped in a Holiday shell, and you could say it’s more of a lesson in humility than humiliation.

Now that’s a Peanuts special!

Finally, A legitimate showing on the Crucifix Meter, which in fact was only included as criteria in the first place after rewatching A Charlie Brown Christmas. Once again, this one finds Linus reading lengthy passages to Sally straight from the Good Book.  Score one for Jesus at last.

None. Unfortunately, Santa’s an adult, so there’s no place for him in the Peanuts world. They’re consistent, to say the least, and I know I didn’t want to hear the guy “Ho, Ho, Ho!” through a trombone mute.

Plenty, although it’s still rather disjointed when compared with the special everyone knows by heart. I’d like to think, though, that the internet could embrace It’s Christmas Time Again, Charlie Brown in the same way they would a Watterson-approved adaptation of Calvin and Hobbes Snowmen comic strips. After all, it’s warm, and it should still feel altogether new since only the most comprehensive Peanuts fan would be familiar with its source material.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

It’s Christmastime Again, Charlie Brown has been largely relegated to a supporting role as a bonus feature on the many DVDs of A Charlie Brown Christmas – good news for those who don’t already own that Holiday staple. I’ve included the Blu-Ray just because I’m deliriously overjoyed that the thing exists in the first place. The stand-alone disc, Blu-Ray and Holiday bundle all feature both A Charlie Brown Christmas and It’s Christmastime Again Charlie Brown, as well as a documentary entitled, A Christmas Miracle: The Making of A Charlie Brown Christmas.  Any way you slice it, you’re getting a lot of Holiday bang for your minimal Christmas buck.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special
CHRISTMAS COMES TO PACLAND