SONIC’S CHRISTMAS BLAST
Original Air Date: December 24, 1996

The buffoonishly evil Dr. Robotnik takes over the Holidays, and only one Hedgehog can stop him…

BACKSTORY:

Designed as an edgier antidote to Mario, Sonic’s stardom began right from his very first game, released in 1991 exclusively on the Sega Genesis. The Hedgehog’s success not only kicked off the “mascot craze” of the mid 90s, he single-handedly made Sega a fierce competitor to Nintendo for the first time since the console gaming  market crashed in 1983.

While it’s not uncommon for popular animated videogame icons to get their own animated show, Sega and DIC Entertainment embarked on creating an unprecedented two shows, simultaneously, in September of 1993.

Sonic 2, which introduced Miles “Tails” Prower, was the last game to come out before the series aired

First-run episodes of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog ran for one season in daily syndication, while ABC bagged the rights to air the darker, more dramatic Sonic the Hedgehog (also known as SoH: The Animated Series) for two successful seasons.

BREAKDOWN:

Good God… do I really have to do this?! This is a mind-numbingly stupid Christmas special starring Sega’s restless rodent at his most irritating. Please don’t think me cruel: I was a massive Sonic fan at the time, and even woke up at the ungodly hour of 6AM everyday to watch the idiocy, even as puberty demanded my time would be better spent tricking girls into lewd situations.

Perhaps the first Xmas special star with Down’s Syndrome

I don’t blame Sonic for that, plus this Christmas Special aired more than three years after the last episode of the daily syndicated cartoon had stopped producing shows. (Although, I should mention that, during that time, I did lose my virginity… coincidence?!)

What the fuck is going on?!

But back in 1993 I greatly preferred the oblong, slapstick shenanigans of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog over his more serious Saturday morning counterpart, which actually about a year longer. Now I can see why…

“I, the real Santa Claus, am announcing my replacement!”

Not that this is Sonic’s fault, actually. Looking back, Jaleel White’s (yes, Urkel) personification is far less grating and obnoxious than he’s depicted today; easily more tolerable and humanizing than the Hedgehog has appeared in games over the last decade.

Honestly, the greatest Sonic voice in history

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the rest of the characters. One of my favorite character, Tails, sounds like a helpless, often nagging girlfriend, and Robotnik’s two minions, Scratch and Grounder… They’re pretty much an insult to the medium of animation. If your parents or older sibling ever mockingly impersonated the cartoon characters you loved but they don’t understand, they may as well’ve been reciting Scratch and Grounder dialog verbatim.

Horrible

Of course, it’s not like they had a proper antagonistic role model to look up to. Dr. Robotnik is a horrible, by-the-numbers foil. His evil only extends as far as each self-contained plot allows (“Is Sonic playing tennis? Then I must become THE EMPEROR OF TENNIS!”), and his villainous deeds are all but fruitless, that is, unless his primary goal had been to rehash poorly animated Bugs Bunny gags. So, what are his intentions in Sonic’s Christmas Blast? To be Santa Claus! AHAHAHAH!

Too fat for a Santa suit? That’s just sad

How? He kidnaps and creates a robot of Claus, who then anoints Robotnik the new Santa by way of a closed-circuit Big Brother channel. Why? So he can turn the tables on the Holidays, forcing the people of wherever-the-hell-this-is-cause-it’s-not-Earth to donate and deliver presents down his chimney! AHAHHHAHA… wait, what?

Sad Fact: No one cares about a Santa who doesn’t bring gifts

It’s hardly even whimsical. I don’t know how much I should go into the logistics of something so moronic, but let’s just say that people put up with a helluva lot less from tyrants who depose political leaders, let alone mythical figures who work one day a year. Plus, it’s only gonna get stupider from here, folks. Robotnik’s plan works, and there’s only one hero that can save the day: A really fast porcupine!

“Can you just say what you really mean, woman?!”

We first see Sonic and Sally Acorn discussing how they promise they won’t be getting each other presents this Christmas, and following a slightly sexist discussion with Tails about how all women are basically greedy liars, it’s on to the see what’s happening with Christmas.

Chirpa-Derp-Derp

But lo! Not before a retarded bird halts the action to admire Sonic’s ring. No, not as in the rings Sonic accumulates in his games, but a piece of goddamned jewelry.

Gamers will be as familiar with Sonic’s ring as they are with Mario’s Whip

Where does it come from? What does it mean? Nobody seems to know even though they discuss it at length, possibly in hopes that this thing Sonic’s been wearing for at least a year will be crucial to the plot later.

A courtesy visit

Scratch and Grounder go door-to-door demanding pittance from civilians now under the rule of the new Claus regime. When one guy, whom I believe is a former member of the Burger King Kids Club Gang, can’t donate anything to Robotnik’s Christmas, they take his whole goddamned house!

Why’d you even ask then?

Meanwhile, Sonic sees that major retailers have been completely cleared of their stock.

Blue Friday

That idiot kid with the overbite miraculously appears from behind a dumpster (or perhaps his twin because that kid from the beginning got kidnapped in the previous scene) to inform Sonic and Tails about the plot they missed when it was broadcast over national airwaves.

“You’ve got some special needs, kid”

There’s an evil plot afoot involving immortal robots and towering construction equipment, and their deadly dials are cranked all the way to 11.

This can’t really be part of the “plan”

How do theese two animals gifted with speech, flight, and speed tackle the dilemma? With Bugs Bunny gags, of course!

“Don’t let the mustache throw you, I’m honestly a blue janitor.”

Odd thought it may seem for Robotnik’s primary henchmen to reveal the plan to a minimum wage-making custodial worker, it was pretty common in the series for Sonic to ignore his incredible super powers in favor of more vaudevillian methods of interrogation.

And then everybody dies

My guess is that it was easier to animate. Plus, it’s important to remember that these robots can’t really die, so why not resort to a little slapstick to subvert their programming.

A hideout made of chimneys virtually guarantees an unbalanced Xmas

The location of the real Santa is revealed to be no more than a Spin Dash-wipe away, and Sonic and Tails roar off to the wintery prison. That said, I loved the enemy design in the Sonic games, and the same goes for the tertiary FAIL-bots in the cartoon.

Bad villains, great designs

They don’t do much, but hey, I wouldn’t mind owning an action figure or two.

“Get out here, ya fat bastard!”

A few gags later, Santa is liberated! Yet, in a fowl twist pretty much mirroring the events in the Super Mario Bros. Christmas Special, the Holidays are far from saved saved! Oh, If only there was a series of easily surmountable obstacles built for our heroes to tackle in the remaining five minutes?

Totally feeling like Tails looks right now

It turns out Sonic’s ring is part of a fucking prophecy that unlocks the ability to save Christmas of ’96. They don’t make it clear as to whys and hows, but rest assured the writers fully intended the macguffin ring to save the day by establishing it as far back as ten minutes ago.

Whatever

I can’t tell whether the next part infuriates me, or stays true to the games. Turns out the only way to fix Christmas and get presents out to everyone involves two obstacles taken almost directly from the Genesis. First off, Santa can’t do his job unless someone gets to the top of a mountain. Shouldn’t be too hard to animate, and one blue blur later:

“Anything up there? No? Okay, head down so we can finish the fucking cartoon.”

That’s one meaningless prophecy conquered in less than a second, so what could be the next challenge foretold by the ancients? If you guessed “snowboarding” you’re clearly more versed on Christmas folklore than I.

Chilidogs for every boy and girl!

Apparently, fate dictates Sonic get from Point A to Point B using numerous methods of XTREME conveyance. Doesn’t matter that all of them make Sonic slower – the Hedgehog is a slave to tradition.

Goddammit…

Evidently the day is still not won. The prophesied decathlon has put Santa way behind schedule… God, if only there was someone fast around to do the job.

This is not the ending to Superman, it just looks like it

Sonic nabs all the loot Robotnik lifted and redistributed it around the rest of the world.

D’OOOH, Blasted Hog of Hedge!

Yes, even to Down Syndormed Tiny Tim.

All the boxes contain helmets

Santa is blown away by Sonic’s ability to do his job… so after centuries of work and 20 minutes worth of plotting his rescue while risking life and limb over an omen so idiotic it had to be misinterpreted… Santa fucking quits.

Behold: Sonic Claus!

Huzzah, Sonic is given the full time position as Santa Claus, and from that day forward his games would diminish in quality and not a single episode of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog would ever be made again! Talk about a backhanded miracle.

Merry Christmas, indeed

Nope. The only savior who appears in Sonic’s Christmas Blast is Sega’s alone

Some sort of Santa Claus appears in almost every frame of Sonic’s Christmas Blast, albeit as either an impostor or an exceedingly dimwitted variation. I think I count four Clauses in all: Santa, Sonic Claus, Robotnik Claus, which is most certainly not to be confused with Robot Santa Claus.

Eyeballs or glasses – building both on a robot is a waste of time

Much like our other video game Xmas specials – Koopa Klaus or Christmas Comes to PacLand – Sonic’s Christmas Blast is not meant for normal Christmas consumption. Diehard gamers might get a kick out of it, but only if they’re looking for a reason to get mad and/or something to mock mercilessly. Sonic’s Xmas disaster is just another example of how TV producers assume a coherent script or logic can take a backseat to any sort of Christmas imagery or theme, thus the average viewer will only end up more cynical about the Holidays as a result of watching this horseshit.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Shop Amazon through us – it helps!)

Sonic’s Christmas Blast is available on a standalone DVD with a bevy of unrelated episodes and as part of Sonic the Hedgehog: The Complete Series. However, for Sonic fans who would like to revisit the Hedgehog’s true glory, I’d strongly recommend Sonic Colors for the Nintendo DS, as it’s far more representative of what made the icon amazing in the first place.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special
A CARTOON CHRISTMAS IPHONE WALLPAPERS

2009′s Dec. 5th Christmas Special
THE GREAT SANTA CAPER STARRING RAGGEDY ANN

One of the stupidest Christmas specials ever made is finally arriving on DVD… just as the format is dying and more than two months after you’ve taken down the tree.

Apparently, Warner Brothers is prepping a DVD for Hanna-Barbera’s idiotically watchable Pac-Man TV series from 1982, in what could be one of the most ill-timed releases in the history of videogames, animation, shamefully nostalgic purchases and the Holidays in general.

The controversial “Rudolph catches cold” sequence

Not only will the DVD miss Christmas 2010 completely, it’ll only be available through the Warner Archive’s manufacture-on-demand service, meaning the studio burns DVDs as they’re ordered, slaps them into generic packaging, and generally includes a substandard transfer and no bonuses whatsoever. Not unlike, say, an ebay pirate!

Do you have any idea how hard it was to crop the Cartoon Network out of the screens I captured from the torrent I downloaded illegally?!

As irritating as I find the show, I’m like a consumer deer in headlights: Powerless to resist the idea owning it. But Christ, wouldn’t it have been kinda nice to cobble some kind of supplemental feature/retrospective doc together for one of gaming’s most prolific icons? Especially since fans have undoubtedly wanted to buy the show since the last episode aired in November of 1983!

A wonderful analogy! Complaining about the Pac-Man TV show: It’s like riding a tricycle in three feet of snow… Kid, you’re an idiot

So, why the wait? Well, Tvshowsondvd.com speculates that its Christmas-skipping, February/March 2011 release date is due to Namco’s desire to coincide with the launch of the Nintendo 3DS game, Pac-Man & Galaga. Okay… speaking from the perspective of someone who works in the “games industry,” I can assure you that Namco (re)releases Pac-Man games at a rate of about every seven seconds (HA, one even came out yesterday!)

“Hey guys, we’re finally getting some residuals!”

As someone who busts their ass to write a blog relevant to 1/12th of the year, clearly I’m no marketing strategist. However, I’m fairly certain that a far better time to release an ancient TV show starring Pac-Man that doesn’t hold up very well and should embarrass everyone involved, would’ve been during, I dunno, his 30th Anniversary! Which was in either May or October respectively, depending on whether you’re attributing his debut to Japan or North America, yet certainly doesn’t include March of 2011.

From iPhone to Xbox, every other platform in the world already tipped their hat to Pac earlier in the year, and the playable Google Pac-Man from last May was nothing short of a sensation, receiving full blown coverage from national, non-gaming news outlets, and capitalized on Pac-Man Fever in the most profound way since… well, you know.

Other no-frills Xmas specials available through Warner Archives

I love the Warner Archive program, and I imagine Pac-Man’s relegation to the made-to-order DVD format has more to do with the rights issues involved, yet I still feel Pac-Man deserves better. I dunno, what do you think? Click here to read all about Christmas Comes to Pacland.

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS!
Original Air Date: December 18, 1966

SYNOPSIS:
A twisted green wretch seeks to ruin Christmas for a race of singing rodent-creatures.

BACKSTORY:
How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is based on a 64-page book written and illustrated in 1957 by Theodor Geisel, better known to the world as Dr. Seuss – the pseudonym he adopted to contribute to his college paper after getting caught drinking during Prohibition.

Seuss wrote a handful of children’s books in the late 30’s before turning his attention toward the war effort, penning hundreds of left-wing political cartoons for periodicals. He also served as the uncredited writer on a series of propaganda shorts intended for soldiers overseas, one of the best of which was Warner Bros. animation’s Private Snafu.

Private Snafu and Clampett’s Horton Hatches the Egg from 1942

During WWII, George Pal, Terrytoons and Bob Clampett took stabs at adapting Seuss’ material into cartoons, and Gerald McBoing-Boing even won United Productions of America an Oscar in 1951 for Best Animated Short. But in the years after  WII, Seuss renewed his focus on creating books and for the next fifteen years was notoriously reluctant to have his characters appear in any other format.

Adapted into a live-action travesty in 2000

It took veteran Warner Bros. animation director Chuck Jones – Suess’ collaborator on the Snafu shorts – to finally convince the author to return to animation. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! premiered on CBS and ran annually on the network for the next two decades. Today it’s shown across numerous channels, and has the distinction of being one of the few Christmas specials aired multiple times in a single year.

BREAKDOWN:
I don’t think anyone will argue with me when I say that How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is the definitive Dr. Seuss adaptation. Grinch set the bar for exactly how you’re supposed to depict oblong environments in poetic pentameter, and as a result, has shown remarkable longevity against all other Seuss cartoons.

Christmas? Not a fan

Beyond this classic special, most people my age are more familiar with the animated works that followed – a favorite of mine being The Lorax – but you’ll get a far better sense of just how well The Grinch translates the author’s work onto the screen if you’ve ever watched the cartoons listed above that predated it.

Just outside of What-city

The Holiday staple is the product of nearly two decades of valiant attempts at Seuss animation, and you can definitely see why the author was so reluctant to bother with the medium of cartoons, in spite of the fact that he had helped to pioneer them during the war.

Admit it: You wished you lived here

I know most people haven’t seen the Private Snafu shorts. (Understandable, since most of us didn’t have the pleasure of serving as soldiers abroad during World War II.)  But despite being comparatively  frightening and risqué, they were actually the most representative of Seuss’ style on the page, until The Grinch came along.

Obviously, this is due to Seuss’ direct involvement in the production. And thanks to the help of friend and former co-worker Chuck Jones, the cartoon is ridiculously faithful to the source material, with nearly ever damned word taken directly from the book.

The only Who you’ll hear

Albert Hague, who played Mr. Shorofsky in Fame, composed the famous music, but the good doctor himself is responsible for the childishly grotesque and nonsensical lyrics.

Seussian toy names were added for the special

It’s truly the perfect companion piece to the book, which is something I cannot say about that idiotic Ron Howard movie of the same name… Two fucking hours, elongated by an unnecessary Grinch origin story, too much time in Whoville and dark, dreary effects that can hardly be called “special.”

An impression of me listening to any version of “12 Days of Christmas”

The cartoon works without all of that, because as Chuck Jones himself said, “everyone hates Christmas a little bit.” Even adults sullied by the shitty weather or Wal-Mart fistfights over the last Elmo doll can experience a Holiday heart enlargement with every viewing. And kids today remain dazzled by the all 70,000 hand-drawn cells strung together by one of the most expressive animators of all time.

Unlike the movie, the cartoon only features three cast members (outside of the singers.) Best known for his portrayal of some of the most iconic monsters in silver screen history, Boris Karloff adds a sinister warmth to The Grinch through his transformation.

Distinctly Chuck Jones

And to Karloff’s further credit, his sing-songy narration is the next-best thing to having the book read aloud to you in a cozy winter bed – whimsically lending the story all the timelessness of a rich folk tale.

Every cowboy needs a horse

The only other onscreen character with any lines is Cindy Lou Who, voiced by June Foray (also known for her work in Rocky and Bullwinkle). She remains uncredited to this day due to a simple production oversight, as does a man who deserves every bit as much credit as Karloff gets for The Grinch’s portrayal.

A Screen Actors Guild nightmare

As hard as it is to believe that somebody manually designing the credits scroll could forget to mention such a crucial aspect of the production… it happened, and it’s a big one. After all, the first thing that comes to mind upon the slightest whisper of “Grinch,” is the baritone lyrics, mightily bellowed out by Thurl Ravensoft.

That train looks straight out of a Dr. Suess book

Whereas the stupid live-action movie forced us to endure the Grinch as a tormented child, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” playfully establishes everything we need to know about the character, without the need for empathy.

Everything must go!

The lyrics endure as disgustingly evocative in a manner most juvenile, and the descriptive tune is among the most famous things on Ravensoft’s lengthy bio… Pretty impressive for a guy who also voiced Tony the Tiger for over fifty years, and moaned the immortal phrase of Snoopy’s rejection, “No Dogs Allowed.”

“Why no, I’m merely borrowing Christmas”

Why does he remain uncredited? Well, for one, it’s almost common knowledge.  Seuss himself was so mortified about the oversight that he mailed letters to publications all over America politely asking editors to, please, acknowledge the man behind the voice. And you could say most have obliged ever since.

The “Sinful Sot” listens in

Additionally, the omission stands because How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is beyond reproach, like the Star Wars of Christmas specials… okay, really bad example. But The Grinch is considered such a sacred American tome that even the slightest tampering would be considered an infraction of the highest caliber, as the only thing ever removed from the special were the Seuss-inspired bookend sponsor bumpers by the Foundation of Full Bank Services.

This song kills fascists

That said, you I hope you can see why I didn’t bother with a detailed plot synopsis. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! has been aired on television more than any other Christmas special, and the movie currently holds the box office record of highest-grossing Christmas movie of all time (in spite of being largely terrible).

NEVERMIND!

Shit, I’d like to meet a single person who isn’t familiar with the Grinch, if only so I could plunk them down, pry open their eyelids and force them to watch it for the first time. FYI: Even my Microsoft word recognizes the word Seuss, made up out of thin air!

How’zat for an ending?!

No overt reference is made to Christ, but once Grinchy strips away all of the telltale signs of an irreligious Christmas, you could interpret the glowing, star-like object seen with the Whos as the embodiment of the Son of God…

…but that’d probably be stupid.

Not specifically, but with all the Kringle imagery afoot, you can’t deny that The Grinch is still an approximation of Santa Claus, even if he is an evil doppelganger.

Yuletide Redemption

Just so you know, I haven’t seen How the Grinch Stole Christmas! in a couple of years, and I made it a point to view it after watching so many other Christmas-themed gems and gallstones. Thus, I can proudly exclaim with utmost authority: How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is the most perfect twenty-six minutes anyone can endure between November 30th and December 25th. And speaking as practical atheist, the special makes me feel bad, even mortified, for anybody involved in a religion too repressive to celebrate Christmas. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is just so colorful, catchy and wonderful-to-behold, even Hebrews gots ta shout!

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

There’s an existing version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas! with a more green cover that you’ll want to avoid. The Deluxe Edition is what you want. It’s got many of the the bonus features from the previous edition, plus a couple new ones, and Warner has done a little color restoration after some complaints about the previous edition. If you’re High-Def equipped, you’ll definitely need the relatively inexpensive Blu-Ray. And how can I not recommend the book?! It makes a great, cheap-ass Christmas gift for even the most impossible-to-shop-for on your list.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
A MUPPET FAMILY CHRISTMAS

MICKEY’S CHRISTMAS CAROL
Original Air Date: December 10, 1984
(Theatrical Premiere: December 13, 1983)

SYNOPSIS:
Scrooge McDuck takes on the role he was born to play in Disney’s damn-near definitive version of Charles Dickens’ Holiday classic.

BACKSTORY:
As mentioned back in the Pluto’s Christmas Tree article, Mickey’s theatrical appearances sputtered to a halt in the early 50’s. Donald starred in a handful of cartoons on into the 60’s, while Mickey and the rest of Disney’s classic stable of characters continued their popularity on television. But the medium that prompted Mickey’s return to the big screen for the first time in thirty years is a rather unexpected one, indeed.

Turns out it was the record, cassette, and to a far lesser extent, the 8-track, that launched Mickey back into theaters. The album Dickens’ Christmas Carol, featuring “The Disney Players,” was released during the Holidays of 1975 in limited quantities, with new editions following each Christmas.

A vintage commercial for the Disney Christmas record

Of the many songs recorded for the album, only one would find its way into Mickey’s Christmas Carol when it premiered in theaters in 1983, attached to a re-release of The Rescuers. It was nominated for an Oscar that same year, premiered on NBC the following Christmas, and would eventually air on all three major television networks.

Based on Mickey’s screen time, this is a bit of a lie

BREAKDOWN:
I know I’ve been playing fast and loose with the criteria of the “Animated Television Christmas Special,” but I’m fairly certain I can justify Mickey’s Christmas Carol here with some general knowledge that I can’t corroborate enough to include in the comparatively “professional” section above.

Thousands were auditioned before McDuck won the role of Scrooge

Reportedly, this 24-minute short was supposed to premiere on CBS in 1982, but an animation strike held up production. So instead a special was assembled from archival animation, using footage from Bambi, Cinderella, some shorts, etc., and known as A Disney Christmas Gift. Which I’m only bringing up because I just found my old copy and my brain is currently exploding with the anticipation of writing it up. (Next year?!)

Mickey as Bob Cratchit and Donald as Scrooge’s nephew

I’ve been hesitant to write up any more adaptations of A Christmas Carol, because quite frankly, I find most of them boring, derivative, and literally the least an animation production house can do when cramming their characters into an uninspired Holiday presentation. (I’m looking at you Hanna-Barbera!)

Scrooge’s office is filled with lousy de-motivational signs

That said, not only am I absolutely batshit in love with Mickey’s Christmas Carol, I sort of do consider it the definitive adaptation.

Rich environments

Some of that has to do with the all-star cast, and the fact that this is the first one I can remember watching, but I also genuinely believe that Disney created the template for how A Christmas Carol has been adapted in family-friendly entertainment ever since.

Is Tiny Tim played by Morty or Ferdie? The world may never know

Of course, I have no vested interest in the original story, nor do I give a shit about how faithful Disney was to it. Just so you know where I stand: I take far more issue with Pluto’s being completely left out of Disney’s triumphant return to short theatrical animation than I do with the omission of the Phantom Hearse or Mrs. Fezziwig.

Chipmunks bumpin’ butts

It took real balls to bother with presenting these characters again in the first place. Even after basically skipping a generation, the cast has shown unprecedented longevity, and although it couldn’t have been easy, Mickey’s Christmas Carol is a bold and wonderful bridge between two triumphant periods in Disney’s history.

Minnie is distraught over not having a single spoken line

To start, Alan Young – best known as Wilbur from television’s Mister Ed - reprises his role as Ebenezer Scrooge (McDuck) from the record on which the film is based.

Scrooge moves in on his nephew’s gal, Daisy

Prior to this, Scrooge McDuck was primarily a character from Disney Comics, having appeared theatrically as a rough Scottish caricature in the wartime propaganda short The Spirit of ’43, and showing up only once as the duck we’re all familiar with (well, outside of a cameo on The Mickey Mouse Club TV show) in 1967’s Scrooge McDuck and Money.

Ever get the feeling you were being watched?

In addition to being far less “ethnic,” Alan Young’s portrayal was incredibly warm. So much so that when Disney decided to spin the duck off into his own cartoon series, DuckTales, Young got to don the top hat and cane once again for 100 episodes and the theatrical movie.

Alan Young: The Most Important Entertainer of All Time

He’s far and away the voice most associated with Scrooge, and I was shocked to find out that Young is still alive AND voicing the character as recently as last year, at the ripe old age of 90!

Mickey, about to be torn a new asshole

Also of vocal note, Wayne Allwine, the man who voiced Mickey Mouse from 1977 until his passing earlier this year, made his first theatrical appearance as the icon. Before Mickey’s Christmas Carol, Allwine had only performed the character in brief television appearances.

The only Mickey my generation has ever know

But he’s since provided the voice of Mickey for literally everything, from toys to albums, TV shows and videogames. Not bad for a guy who started at Disney as a sound editor!

Donald stole Ichabod Crane’s horse!

Sadly, and most notably, this marked the final time Donald Duck was brought to life by the remarkable Clarence Nash. Since Donald’s first appearance in 1934’s The Wise Little Hen, Nash was the only man to spit the Donald venom for 50 years! He personally trained a Disney animator, Tony Anselmo, as his replacement, and Anselmo has performed the voice ever since.

Half a century in a sailor suit

Which I do think is  worth mentioning…because as much as Disney gets a reputation for being a cold, corporate monolith, the roles of its most famous characters were handed over to internal staffers with next-to-no previous voice credits. There’s just something so familial about that, and I think that many people forget it in their cynical views of Disney’s animation process.

Makes me feel like this

As you can no doubt tell, I’ve been pretty much rambling a super-elongated back story thus far. But there’s a timelessness to both the story and special itself that’s above any need for detailed analysis or explanation. You’ve undoubtedly seen it before and know the story, so really the most interesting thing about it is how well the Disney characters present themselves after such a lengthy hiatus.

Hew, Dew, and Lou in a brief, silent cameo

But I do love a good crossover! And for me, the most rewarding thing about the film is that this was one of the first times Disney treated itself like a singular universe, casting animated characters from throughout the studio’s entire history. It’s now ridiculously common for the stable of characters to appear in ensemble, but prior to Mickey’s Christmas Carol it was actually quite rare.

Goofy’s Jacob Marley is an undead klutz

You’d expect to see characters from the short cartoons, but for the role of the ghosts, Disney cherry-picked a couple of unexpected choices. On the album, The Ghost of Christmas Past was played by Merlin from The Sword in the Stone – but I think you’ll agree that Jiminy Cricket made a far better choice for the cartoon.

Always let your conscience be your guide

And what may seem like an odd choice actually works unbelievably well comedically, as Willie the Giant pockets the role of The Ghost of Christmas Present (even though he’d only appeared once before, in 1947’s Mickey and the Beanstalk).

Without a doubt, the funniest character here

And while in retrospect it seems like a no-brainer to cast Pete, Disney’s longest running character, as the menacing Ghost of Christmas Future, the album actually used Snow White’s Wicked Witch in the original role.

No one does bad worse than Pete

But since our little blog/site/mess here is built on a backbone of screenshots, I thought it important to highlight the other Disney players who appear in the silent and supporting roles. You’ll find many a forgotten character from the heyday of the Disney short:

Cocky Locky, Horace Horsecollar, Claribel Cow, and Gus Goose

The cast of Three Little Pigs (1933)

And two of The Three Little Wolves (1936)

But what’s odd are the choices the animators made in picking characters from their feature films. Instead of casting heavyweight stars from their most profitable movies, you’ll find many arguably more obscure characters here:

A familiar face from The Adventures of Ichabod and Mr. Toad (1959)

And fellow Wind in the Willows cast members Ratty and Mole

The bird from Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971) dances with Lady Kluck

And about a billion other characters from Robin Hood (1973)

All of these appearances are immensely rewarding for an animation dork like myself. Of course, such levels of nerd-dom can be a double-edged sword, as I found myself almost angry that there weren’t more. “Where’s Peter Pan, Sleeping Beauty?!”  Etc…

The end is still a little scary

At first, I cynically assumed that the cameo casting was based around choosing characters from the more recent Disney films. But once I pondered the matter further (I seriously did!) it seems the idea was more to pick characters who wouldn’t appear out-of-place in the mid 19th century, or need to change outfits to fit the time period. And the last criterion to occur to me? Duh… no humans!

What, no tree upgrade?

But such thorough care is taken with the animation, and the characters are so well cast, that there’s almost nothing to complain about… aside from the LACK OF PLUTO, YOU DICKS!

Gets me every time

Every time I think I don’t care much for Mickey Mouse because he isn’t funny or he’s a bad dancer, I watch him crying at the grave of Tiny Tim and tear up in a manner most unbecoming. He’s no longer an extremely kinetic character, but when something affects him he sure has a beautifully expressive way of showing it.

If this doesn’t do it for you, you have no soul

No Christ here! But give Mickey a couple more centuries of public worship and I may have to amend the score…

Claus isn’t present anywhere in A Christmas Carol. According to legend, Dickens cut him out of the first draft, along with several kickass car chases.

Sorry, Disney: There’s no reason for A Christmas Carol to be longer than half an hour…you got it right the first time.

Perfect

Every piece of Disney’s legacy is put to excellent use in this soaring comeback, all executed remarkably well, especially given how out-of-practice the animators were at the time. Both the source material and the famous players are treated with the utmost care and respect. A timeless tale that’s been retold a thousand times is still impressively unique; simultaneously heartwarming and funny without ever veering into the overly sentimental or slapstick… Fuck, I really can’t say enough good things about Mickey’s Christmas Carol.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

Mickey’s Christmas Carol is made available for purchase pretty consistently, with DVDs going in and out of print on a nearly annual basis. I highly recommend you pick up the Walt Disney Treasure: Mickey Mouse in Living Color Volume 2, as it’s still available used and will undoubtedly soon be impossible to find inexpensively. It contains the special, plus 5+ more hours of Mousy goodness, including shorts like Pluto’s Christmas Tree and Mickey’s latter-day resurrection in The Prince and the Pauper and Runaway Brain. The single-disc Disney Animation Collection Volume 7: Mickey’s Christmas Carol is a pretty good deal as well, mostly because it also comes with stacked with the various Disney Christmas shorts that used to accompany the 30-minute feature on television years ago. I can’t vouch for the quality of the many other direct-to-video Mickey Christmas specials made this decade, since I haven’t seen them, but if I’m still doing this next year, expect a thorough examination! More surprisingly, I’m delighted to discover that Amazon also has a super-cheap mp3 of the original record on which the special was based!

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
A CLAYMATION CHRISTMAS CELEBRATION

THE SUPER MARIO BROS. SUPER SHOW: KOOPA KLAUS
Original Air Date: October 23, 1989

SYNOPSIS:
King Koopa hatches a plot to ruin Christmas and it’s up to Mario and his trusty whip to save the holidays?

BACKSTORY:
Mario, or “Jumpman,” as he was then known, made his 1981 debut in arcades as the playable hero in Nintendo’s Donkey Kong. He was later spun off into the game Super Mario Bros., which, as of 2008, was the highest selling videogame of all time.

The Super Mario Bros. Super Show premiered in US syndication shortly after the release of Super Mario Bros. 2 in 1989. The show featured live-action sequences with wrestler Captain Lou Albano and Danny Wells taking up the roles of Mario and Luigi.  Albano and Wells were also the ones who voiced the characters in the cartoon Monday through Thursday (Fridays featured heavily promoted Legend of Zelda cartoons).

The show was later given a more edgy, early 90’s ‘tude and billed as Club Mario. The cartoons remained the same, but Albano and Wells were replaced with two twenty-something, Generation V “Dudes” more prone to ripped jeans and sunglasses.

BREAKDOWN:
I love games. I work in games. I love Mario. I’ve played every game in the main series to 100% completion. The Koopa Klaus episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show is, without a doubt, the worst Christmas special I’ve ever seen.

The Premise: This bathtub drain sends The Bros. to an alternate dimension

Shouldn’t be a surprise, since I was such a Nintendo nerd at the time, but I watched every insipid episode of The Super Mario Bros. Super Show. And even then – when I couldn’t have been a less discerning little target demographic – something felt a little off.

The show takes a lot of crap for its live-action segments. Now they’re certainly cheesy and a little bad, yet it’s somewhat forgivable given the era, resources and source material. “Those are adults in overalls colored the way they should not be, LOL!” remembers a quick-to-judge internet. To which I must now reply: When was the last time you watched the cartoon?

The ever popular Flurry from SMB2

How atrocious is the Mario Christmas cartoon? Well, as you may’ve seen above, Koopa Klaus aired in fucking October. Which is especially odd because, one, animation takes longer to produce, and two, the live-action Christmas segments aired over a month later in a separate episode.

Not this episode

Santa Comes to Flatbush saw Mario and Luigi taking in a familiar looking punch-drunk bearded figure and sharing with him what little food and presents they had on Christmas, and it could only be considered better by comparison to the other episodes.

An overwhelming majority of the episode

But even that episode sought to distance itself from Koopa Klaus, which aired with a live segment centered on Mario and Luigi talking a young boy out of running away from home.

Moving Santa to another castle

Koopa Klaus kicks off with very little setup, jumping straight to King Koopa (never referred to as “Bowser” at any point in the series) ordering the destruction of Christmas toys. Because he hates Christmas, you see…

Bah Hum-Koop: Not my caption, but an actual line of dialogue King Koopa reiterates nearly a dozen times

Do not attempt to read anything into Koopa’s being dressed like Santa Claus: he regularly donned various outfits purely to avoid any kind of written setup (you know, so we could get the characters right into running across a looped background yelling “Yaaaah!” for 10 straight minutes.)

A machine that destroys toys!

He’s not trying to impersonate Santa, no no. Koopa’s master plan to ruin Christmas? To freeze the North Pole… a plot so asinine, I’m still too angry to go for the obvious joke.

So where do our heroes come in? This is an alternate dimension after all, so even on the miraculous chance that Christmas exists in a land of talking turtles and sentient bombs, how do you get Mario and Co. up to the North Pole?

This explains why Mario is in that stupid-ass getup the entire episode

Mario, Luigi, ,and Princess Toadstool – well, they tunnel there…and make a wrong turn while heading for Hawaii, only to end up exactly where the title needed them to be. Yes, like Bugs Bunny. Derivative?  For sure, but it’s also the only  indication that someone working on this project has ever seen a cartoon before. Up until this point, I was convinced the show was written by the studio audience of Whose Line Is It Anyway?

Ohhhhh Christmas

Evidently, this is Toad’s fault, and I don’t want to harp on just how grating and annoying his character is, but if you can imagine the worst impression of Edith Bunker EVER, done by a baby… then you’re getting warm.

Selfish twat

Toad refuses to shut the fuck up about all the Christmas gifts he’s owed, so the Princess gives him a present early. It’s a Snowboard!

This scene made me wish I was dead

And he then proceeds to accelerate around on his snowboard over flat land for what feels like 5 minutes, because I’m guessing there were more animation cells to burn than words on the page.

“It’s a bird!” “It’s a plane!” Bleh

But what’s that? King Koopa flies over head with a bound and gagged Santa.

Almost animated

I’d say the gang acts fast and flings a chunk of ice using a seesaw… But in fact Mario and Luigi engage in unfunny banter for so fucking long you’d think even a guided missile couldn’t hit Koopa’s trajectory by the time they’re done.

Precursor to the Mario & Luigi series?

Still, they knock Koopa out of the sky, and he and Santa float to the ground using his toy sack as a parachute.

A shitload of boring chase sequences ensue, but you’ll have to forgive me if I skip straight to the highlight.

And not a lot else

As I’m trying to grab screens of all this, I notice… Mario never appears in a single frame with King Koopa. It occurred to me that Mario doesn’t really have much of a “weapon” in this stage of the life – fireballs, vegetables and feet do not make for an kid-friendly cartoon arsenal. Luckily, the animators took it upon themselves to remedy this: Meet Mario’s trusty whip!

Mario fans: Please take a moment to soak in every ounce of stupidity

Oh, (literal) SNAP! Keeping with their refusal to let Mario and Koopa to ever make contact, the titular plumber snags Santa just as Koopa is brought down by an avalanche created by his own shouting of “Bah, Hum-Koop!”

Evil punished

Hooray! Christmas is saved! Or is it?

Science

Through methods never shown, disclosed, or even scientifically possible, Koopa has frozen the Arctic! Santa, a North Pole native, cancels Christmas on account of ice.  Obviously.

“My precious ice is frozen”

Toad, who’s spent nearly the duration of the special screaming greedily about capitalist materialism, begs Santa not to cry.

God dammit…

And then Santa declares Toad the living embodiment of the “True Meaning of Christmas©” and they awkwardly embrace until, literally…

The new stupidest thing I’ve ever seen

Their love melts the ice away and Christmas is saved. The lesson learned? Wintry conditions can be overturned by hugging a moron.  Go forth and embrace, Canadians.

Exactly…

As a reward for their resilience, Santa lets the gang ride in his sleigh. And in a continuing effort to top it’s own stupidity, the cartoon closes with Santa somehow delivering the following line with a straight face.

“Mario Christmas to all!”

And that’s just the ending of the cartoon! You now owe it to me to buy every Amazon product linked to on this page for not focusing on the live-action portion of the episode, complete with its flashback to a mustachioed Captain Lou Albano in shorts.

GAAAAAAAH

The existence of this cartoon runs counter to that of a loving God.

As much as it pains me to award Koopa Klaus anything, Santa is present here, albeit as a helpless crybaby moron.

Koopa Klaus is just gross. It wallows in the very depths of poorly animated stupidity, and drags two of the most beloved characters in the history of everything, Santa and Mario, along for the ride. Oh, yeah… CLICK BELOW TO BUY!

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

The Super Mario Bros. Super Show is available on DVD in two volumes, with both Koopa Klaus and Santa Come to Flatbush appearing on the second. I can not in good conscience recommend you buy either, but luckily Mario also appears in several of the greatest games the medium has ever seen. Super Mario Galaxy is simultaneously familiar and unlike anything you’ve ever played – without a doubt the, greatest game available on the Nintendo Wii. Mario & Luigi: Bowser’s Inside Story is a phenomenally quirky action RPG that finds the famous plumbers battling enemies inside Bowser’s body! It’s also one of the funniest things I’ve ever played, and easily the best Nintendo DS game of 2009, just behind Retro Game Challenge.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
ROBBIE THE REINDEER IN HOOVES OF FIRE

A WISH FOR WINGS THAT WORK
Original Air Date: December 18, 1991

SYNOPSIS:
Stricken with being born a Penguin, poor old Opus cannot fly. But that won’t stop him from wishing… for 23 minutes straight.

BACKGROUND:
Opus was never meant to be the star of Berkeley Breathed’s Pulitzer Prize winning comic strip, Bloom County, but the existential penguin introduced himself in a one-off gag six months in and simply refused to leave. Even after Breathed retired the Bloom County characters to create an all new, Sunday-only strip called Outland in 1989, Opus and company wormed their way back in, and eventually forced the original premise and characters into the shadows until that strip was retired in 1995.

Opus in an early strip and the book on which the special is based

During the Outland years, Breathed spun Opus off into a couple of children-friendly books, including A Wish for Wings That Work in 1991, which coincided with an animated Christmas special that same year. Following Breathed’s second retirement in 1995, he decided to come back to comics yet again in 2003, only this time he cut the bullshit with a strip simply entitled, Opus. Once he grew sick of that series, he once-and-for-all eliminated any chance of a return by killing Opus off in 2008.

Sorta dead at the moment

BREAKDOWN:
As a diehard comic strip fan, I couldn’t wait to watch Opus’s animation debut in 1991. But somehow, due to scheduling conflicts beyond an 11-year-old’s control, I missed the airing. During the dark days of life without DVDs and YouTube, I had no other choice but to wait for the following year.

I scanned the TV guide that December and each one that followed hoping to find A Wish for Wings That Work’s inevitable reairing, but that never happened… now I know why. When a reporter asked Breathed just a few years ago where he could find the special, the author curtly responded:

“Hopefully in the rubbish pail. We can do better than that and we will with an eventual Opus film…but I’m glad you enjoyed it. I presume your family was on speed when they watched it. I would imagine it helps.”

Opus’ falling fanny gag makes numerous appearances

Sucks to be right. As sad as it may seem for Wings That Work to fall into obscurity, the wasted potential displayed in Opus’s only onscreen adaptation to date is far more tragic. In spite of featuring some quality animation and clever wordplay, the pacing is agonizingly slow and none of the comic strip’s subversive charm translates on the screen.

You can’t see it, but that is a jar of “Herring Stomach Pate” on the left

Since the book only gave the animators thirty pages of source material, most of which were large pictures, the half-hour special really takes its time going almost nowhere. The special opens as Opus is writing a letter to Santa. It’s not clear what he’s asking for yet, but given the aeronautical theme of his room (and the title of the special), you’ll probably have some idea.

Looky there, Opus has a Tie Fighter!

Yes, Opus is a penguin. And his wings don’t work. But he sure wishes they did! If you feel like I just wasted your time with the last three sentences, you may want to skip the first half of the special, since it’s a flashback largely focused on driving home a point perfectly made by the title alone, then padded with overwrought dialogue and lifeless gags.

As much it would break my heart to state that Bloom County’s stable of characters do not work off the page, A Wish for Wings That Work gives me no reason to believe otherwise. Bill the Cat, I’m talking primarily to you. It’s not hard to see what made the hard-drinking Garfield parody standout on a newspaper page; however, any sense of edginess has been removed to appeal to kids.

You’re lucky to get away with having a nutsack for a face

What’s the point of a speechless, mildly gross cat when Ren and Stimpy are practically fisting each other over on Nickelodeon while you won’t show Bill coughing a hairball up in frame? Yet he still appears in nearly every scene just to punctuate it with an act of stupidity.  Example:

1. Opus yearns for flight…

2. Bill does something (nothing)

Actually, none of the characters do anything in particular, really. Take Truffles the Pig, who shows up to reiterate that Opus cannot, in fact, fly. Nevermind that Truffles thinks he’s a Rhinoceros – that’s an irony that’s never explored and payoff/comeuppance that’s never addressed, making for an utterly useless scene.

Oh, yeah and then…

Bill does something (nothing)

Three ducks, who at least serve a purpose for the plot, also show up to mercilessly mock Opus for his inability to fly. For all I know, they could be quite likable, but I was too distracted by the fact that they were voiced by half the cast of Tiny Toon Adventures, who didn’t seem to realize they were recording a different show.

Featuring the voice of Plucky Duck as a plucky duck

Speaking of familiar voices, it’s important to mention that A Wish for Wings That Work was made by Steven Spielberg’s Amblin Entertainment. Not only did the famous director bring along the cast from his other animated programs, the production coincided with the filming of Hook and Senor Spielbergo convinced Robin Williams and Dustin Hoffman to perform uncredited voiceovers during Opus’ flightless bird group therapy meeting with Outland outcast Ronald-Ann Smith.

As much as I hate to admit it, Williams’ Kiwi is a standout character

Unfortunately, both celeb appearances are brief, and the favor they extended to Spielberg apparently came with the caveat that it be done quickly. You don’t have to be an audiophile to notice a significantly poorer fidelity. It’s as if someone stuck up a microphone next to Williams while he was on-set squeezing himself into a leotard and Hoffman demanded he do only one take, in the rain.

Hoffman voices variation on Milquetoast the cockroach, albeit in drag

Oh, and following the therapy sequence that’s little more than a Robin Williams showcase:

Bill does something (nothing)

It’s all pretty meaningless, and by the time you realize that this was all a flashback written in Opus’s opening letter to Santa, you’re halfway through the special. Luckily, this is where things almost get interesting. But first Opus has to get his wish to the big man, and fast.

HA! Fax machine joke – timeless!

Nicely done, nineties! Opus can sleep soundly knowing that technology got his letter to the North Pole on time. So, while he dreams of a prolonged plane crash incorporating way too much footage from Frank Capra’s Lost Horizon…

A little too long for a reference few will get

And, oh yeah…

Bill does something (nothing)

Santa has a little accident and falls out of the sky! The whereabouts of his landing… unknown.

Now that’s a Christmas image for the kids

Then those dickhead ducks show up at Opus’ door in an unannounced frenzy and drag him out to a thawed lake.

Both Opus and I assume this is part of some sort of fraternity hazing, but it turns out they’re actually in need of his help.

Dear God, won’t someone save The Claus?!

Oh, yeah! I do believe someone here is an aquatic bird…

SHOOOOOM

The trashing I’ve given AWFWTW aside, the animation is a actually pretty awesome. Definitely cut above Amblin’s work during the early nineties, and the lake sequence is definitely a highlight for me. I’m a sucker for speed-based water displacement (probably not the technical term) so despite the special’s shortcomings, this does make for a pretty good climax.

Opus is validated as a badass by the big man himself.

And in front of his tormentors, no less!

Although Santa praises his courageousness, his cryptic message doesn’t leave Opus, or the viewer, with the gift desired. But I guess that depends on what you make of the events of the following morning.

Another unexpected knock at the door, followed by more ducks. Only this time, a giant flock of them!

With no explanation given, they smile, ignore his protests and yank Opus from his home once again… Oh, to what cruel measure?!

D’awwwww. No malice intended. No words necessary. In a show of uncharacteristic respect, the ducks swoop Opus up into the air, acknowledging his bravery with the gift of flight he always wanted. Meanwhile, back on land:

Bill does something (nothing)

Christ is neither seen nor mentioned throughout the entirety of A Wish for Wings That Work. However, during the scene where Santa is hauling ass, there are many clouds ambiguously shaped like recognizable icons. I’m awarding a single cross solely for my refusal to research it any further after all I could find was Goofy:

GAWRSH!

Santa’s certainly presented here, just never very clearly. I’m not sure what the animators were trying to keep from us, but Cap’n Kringle is only seen darkened, blurred, slightly out of frame, and most bizarrely, in an extreme close up

I also docked Santa a cookie for not rewarding Opus materially even though he saved his life. The guy has one job: delivering presents. And most certainly not to deliver mysterious messages taken from a Twin Peaks dream sequence.

The issue here is that Opus himself gained very little, and only the assholes learned anything about the Reason for the Season (not unlike A Charlie Brown Christmas.) But since the ducks didn’t make their intentions clear, one can interpret the ending in two ways, based on their adornment of Opus’s bow tie.

Either they’ve gained a new found respect for Opus and the innate gifts of his species and acknowledge his act of bravery by mimicking his style of dress. OR, saving Santa saved Christmas – thus ensuring presents did not go undistributed - and the ducks received the bow ties they’d been asking for. Could the ducks have been harboring a secret messianic plan for Opus all along?!

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the site!)

The special is available on a no-frills DVD entitled Opus N’ Bill in A Wish for Wings That Work. The book is also still and print, holds up a helluva lot better than the special. October 2009 kicked off the first volume of Bloom County: The Complete Collection, the first time the comic’s entire run has been made available for purchase.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special
THE SNOWMAN