SONIC’S CHRISTMAS BLAST
Original Air Date: December 24, 1996

The buffoonishly evil Dr. Robotnik takes over the Holidays, and only one Hedgehog can stop him…

BACKSTORY:

Designed as an edgier antidote to Mario, Sonic’s stardom began right from his very first game, released in 1991 exclusively on the Sega Genesis. The Hedgehog’s success not only kicked off the “mascot craze” of the mid 90s, he single-handedly made Sega a fierce competitor to Nintendo for the first time since the console gaming  market crashed in 1983.

While it’s not uncommon for popular animated videogame icons to get their own animated show, Sega and DIC Entertainment embarked on creating an unprecedented two shows, simultaneously, in September of 1993.

Sonic 2, which introduced Miles “Tails” Prower, was the last game to come out before the series aired

First-run episodes of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog ran for one season in daily syndication, while ABC bagged the rights to air the darker, more dramatic Sonic the Hedgehog (also known as SoH: The Animated Series) for two successful seasons.

BREAKDOWN:

Good God… do I really have to do this?! This is a mind-numbingly stupid Christmas special starring Sega’s restless rodent at his most irritating. Please don’t think me cruel: I was a massive Sonic fan at the time, and even woke up at the ungodly hour of 6AM everyday to watch the idiocy, even as puberty demanded my time would be better spent tricking girls into lewd situations.

Perhaps the first Xmas special star with Down’s Syndrome

I don’t blame Sonic for that, plus this Christmas Special aired more than three years after the last episode of the daily syndicated cartoon had stopped producing shows. (Although, I should mention that, during that time, I did lose my virginity… coincidence?!)

What the fuck is going on?!

But back in 1993 I greatly preferred the oblong, slapstick shenanigans of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog over his more serious Saturday morning counterpart, which actually about a year longer. Now I can see why…

“I, the real Santa Claus, am announcing my replacement!”

Not that this is Sonic’s fault, actually. Looking back, Jaleel White’s (yes, Urkel) personification is far less grating and obnoxious than he’s depicted today; easily more tolerable and humanizing than the Hedgehog has appeared in games over the last decade.

Honestly, the greatest Sonic voice in history

Unfortunately, the same cannot be said for the rest of the characters. One of my favorite character, Tails, sounds like a helpless, often nagging girlfriend, and Robotnik’s two minions, Scratch and Grounder… They’re pretty much an insult to the medium of animation. If your parents or older sibling ever mockingly impersonated the cartoon characters you loved but they don’t understand, they may as well’ve been reciting Scratch and Grounder dialog verbatim.

Horrible

Of course, it’s not like they had a proper antagonistic role model to look up to. Dr. Robotnik is a horrible, by-the-numbers foil. His evil only extends as far as each self-contained plot allows (“Is Sonic playing tennis? Then I must become THE EMPEROR OF TENNIS!”), and his villainous deeds are all but fruitless, that is, unless his primary goal had been to rehash poorly animated Bugs Bunny gags. So, what are his intentions in Sonic’s Christmas Blast? To be Santa Claus! AHAHAHAH!

Too fat for a Santa suit? That’s just sad

How? He kidnaps and creates a robot of Claus, who then anoints Robotnik the new Santa by way of a closed-circuit Big Brother channel. Why? So he can turn the tables on the Holidays, forcing the people of wherever-the-hell-this-is-cause-it’s-not-Earth to donate and deliver presents down his chimney! AHAHHHAHA… wait, what?

Sad Fact: No one cares about a Santa who doesn’t bring gifts

It’s hardly even whimsical. I don’t know how much I should go into the logistics of something so moronic, but let’s just say that people put up with a helluva lot less from tyrants who depose political leaders, let alone mythical figures who work one day a year. Plus, it’s only gonna get stupider from here, folks. Robotnik’s plan works, and there’s only one hero that can save the day: A really fast porcupine!

“Can you just say what you really mean, woman?!”

We first see Sonic and Sally Acorn discussing how they promise they won’t be getting each other presents this Christmas, and following a slightly sexist discussion with Tails about how all women are basically greedy liars, it’s on to the see what’s happening with Christmas.

Chirpa-Derp-Derp

But lo! Not before a retarded bird halts the action to admire Sonic’s ring. No, not as in the rings Sonic accumulates in his games, but a piece of goddamned jewelry.

Gamers will be as familiar with Sonic’s ring as they are with Mario’s Whip

Where does it come from? What does it mean? Nobody seems to know even though they discuss it at length, possibly in hopes that this thing Sonic’s been wearing for at least a year will be crucial to the plot later.

A courtesy visit

Scratch and Grounder go door-to-door demanding pittance from civilians now under the rule of the new Claus regime. When one guy, whom I believe is a former member of the Burger King Kids Club Gang, can’t donate anything to Robotnik’s Christmas, they take his whole goddamned house!

Why’d you even ask then?

Meanwhile, Sonic sees that major retailers have been completely cleared of their stock.

Blue Friday

That idiot kid with the overbite miraculously appears from behind a dumpster (or perhaps his twin because that kid from the beginning got kidnapped in the previous scene) to inform Sonic and Tails about the plot they missed when it was broadcast over national airwaves.

“You’ve got some special needs, kid”

There’s an evil plot afoot involving immortal robots and towering construction equipment, and their deadly dials are cranked all the way to 11.

This can’t really be part of the “plan”

How do theese two animals gifted with speech, flight, and speed tackle the dilemma? With Bugs Bunny gags, of course!

“Don’t let the mustache throw you, I’m honestly a blue janitor.”

Odd thought it may seem for Robotnik’s primary henchmen to reveal the plan to a minimum wage-making custodial worker, it was pretty common in the series for Sonic to ignore his incredible super powers in favor of more vaudevillian methods of interrogation.

And then everybody dies

My guess is that it was easier to animate. Plus, it’s important to remember that these robots can’t really die, so why not resort to a little slapstick to subvert their programming.

A hideout made of chimneys virtually guarantees an unbalanced Xmas

The location of the real Santa is revealed to be no more than a Spin Dash-wipe away, and Sonic and Tails roar off to the wintery prison. That said, I loved the enemy design in the Sonic games, and the same goes for the tertiary FAIL-bots in the cartoon.

Bad villains, great designs

They don’t do much, but hey, I wouldn’t mind owning an action figure or two.

“Get out here, ya fat bastard!”

A few gags later, Santa is liberated! Yet, in a fowl twist pretty much mirroring the events in the Super Mario Bros. Christmas Special, the Holidays are far from saved saved! Oh, If only there was a series of easily surmountable obstacles built for our heroes to tackle in the remaining five minutes?

Totally feeling like Tails looks right now

It turns out Sonic’s ring is part of a fucking prophecy that unlocks the ability to save Christmas of ’96. They don’t make it clear as to whys and hows, but rest assured the writers fully intended the macguffin ring to save the day by establishing it as far back as ten minutes ago.

Whatever

I can’t tell whether the next part infuriates me, or stays true to the games. Turns out the only way to fix Christmas and get presents out to everyone involves two obstacles taken almost directly from the Genesis. First off, Santa can’t do his job unless someone gets to the top of a mountain. Shouldn’t be too hard to animate, and one blue blur later:

“Anything up there? No? Okay, head down so we can finish the fucking cartoon.”

That’s one meaningless prophecy conquered in less than a second, so what could be the next challenge foretold by the ancients? If you guessed “snowboarding” you’re clearly more versed on Christmas folklore than I.

Chilidogs for every boy and girl!

Apparently, fate dictates Sonic get from Point A to Point B using numerous methods of XTREME conveyance. Doesn’t matter that all of them make Sonic slower – the Hedgehog is a slave to tradition.

Goddammit…

Evidently the day is still not won. The prophesied decathlon has put Santa way behind schedule… God, if only there was someone fast around to do the job.

This is not the ending to Superman, it just looks like it

Sonic nabs all the loot Robotnik lifted and redistributed it around the rest of the world.

D’OOOH, Blasted Hog of Hedge!

Yes, even to Down Syndormed Tiny Tim.

All the boxes contain helmets

Santa is blown away by Sonic’s ability to do his job… so after centuries of work and 20 minutes worth of plotting his rescue while risking life and limb over an omen so idiotic it had to be misinterpreted… Santa fucking quits.

Behold: Sonic Claus!

Huzzah, Sonic is given the full time position as Santa Claus, and from that day forward his games would diminish in quality and not a single episode of The Adventures of Sonic the Hedgehog would ever be made again! Talk about a backhanded miracle.

Merry Christmas, indeed

Nope. The only savior who appears in Sonic’s Christmas Blast is Sega’s alone

Some sort of Santa Claus appears in almost every frame of Sonic’s Christmas Blast, albeit as either an impostor or an exceedingly dimwitted variation. I think I count four Clauses in all: Santa, Sonic Claus, Robotnik Claus, which is most certainly not to be confused with Robot Santa Claus.

Eyeballs or glasses – building both on a robot is a waste of time

Much like our other video game Xmas specials – Koopa Klaus or Christmas Comes to PacLand – Sonic’s Christmas Blast is not meant for normal Christmas consumption. Diehard gamers might get a kick out of it, but only if they’re looking for a reason to get mad and/or something to mock mercilessly. Sonic’s Xmas disaster is just another example of how TV producers assume a coherent script or logic can take a backseat to any sort of Christmas imagery or theme, thus the average viewer will only end up more cynical about the Holidays as a result of watching this horseshit.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Shop Amazon through us – it helps!)

Sonic’s Christmas Blast is available on a standalone DVD with a bevy of unrelated episodes and as part of Sonic the Hedgehog: The Complete Series. However, for Sonic fans who would like to revisit the Hedgehog’s true glory, I’d strongly recommend Sonic Colors for the Nintendo DS, as it’s far more representative of what made the icon amazing in the first place.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special
A CARTOON CHRISTMAS IPHONE WALLPAPERS

2009′s Dec. 5th Christmas Special
THE GREAT SANTA CAPER STARRING RAGGEDY ANN

A DISNEY CHRISTMAS GIFT
Original Air Date: December 4, 1982

The festive folks at Disney hastily assemble an archival Holiday present that was 20 years shy of “new” the day it hit TV.

BACKSTORY:
According to legend, A Disney Christmas Gift exists only because of the hard times the studio underwent during the early 80’s. In those turbulent times between The Fox and the Hound and the developmentally challenged The Black Cauldron, Disney had decided it was high time Mickey returned to the medium he was born: Short-form Theatrical animation. The studio had long since abandoned the theatrical short, yet it had found success with the occasional 10+ minute short, generally adjoined with its theatrical rereleases of classic animated films, Winnie the Pooh being a notable example.

The special was heavily rerun on The Disney Channel up into the 90’s and eventually found its way to VHS and Laserdisc

But Mickey… hell, Mickey hadn’t been seen on the big screen in three decades. Obviously, shit had to be done right. Unfortunately, the same animation strike and internal strife that plagued production on The Black Cauldron caused unforeseeable delays in Mickey’s Christmas Carol, and it would fail to premiere in the Winter of 1982.

“Sorry I couldn’t make it, folks”

More interestingly, Disney had already inked a deal to premiere the thing on CBS, and they’d apparently gone so far as to send out promotional materials heralding something wouldn’t be finished until a year later. What’s a Disney to do? Why, pillage the archives of course! And hastily cobble together cartoons dating back as far as 1933.

BREAKDOWN:
Children raised on VCRs no doubt recognize what’s about to go down

A Disney Christmas Gift has held a special place in my heart for decades, because it certainly got played in heavy rotation in our household. I can still vividly remember the title – scrawled in my own handwriting! – on a yellow Kodak VHS spine, which, in spite of a consistent shortage of blank tapes, somehow made it through the entire VCR era without getting recorded over. I can’t tell you how overjoyed I was to unearth a version of it after all these years… and I can’t tell you how underwhelming I find it now.

The dogs of Christmas

Maybe in the days predating Youtube and chapter-skipping DVDs, Disney could get away heading into The Vault and cutting together sizzle reels together to be released wherever it wanted. I know I enjoyed the hell out of them – Disney’s Sing-A-Long Songs come to mind. But at least many of those variety sets adhered to some sort of overarching theme, and you’d think jukeboxing the archives into a coherent Holiday shell would’ve been no problem for A Disney Christmas Gift. No so, apparently…

Apologies for the screen quality, these are all ripped from a VHS

I know those pictures of the live-action opening might go a long way towards tricking you into thinking you’re getting a full-blown Disney Christmas Extravaganza… But it’s little more than Yuletide B-roll accompanied by original Christmas music so goddamned clichéd it’s approaching cynicism, then used to bridge a rather careless grab bag of largely unrelated animation.

Pretty, pretty winter

Which really sucks… especially  because it kicks things off on a Holiday high note, beginning with the relatively obscure “Once Upon a Wintertime” short, originally featured as part of Disney’s theatrically-released Melody Time in 1948. Technically, it’s not even about Christmas, yet with its sleighbells, snow, and songs by Frances Langford scoring the comical courtship, it’s unarguably suited perfectly for it.

Leaving his mark of love on nature itself

Add to that, it’s got damn near everything that’s helped theatrical Disney animation continuously stand the test of time. To put it simply, “Once Upon a Wintertime” has simply everything you’d want to see in a Holiday cartoon. You’ve got romance, physical comedy, adorable animals and an utterly fantastic musical flourish from beginning to end. And then the creepiness of A Disney Christmas Gift sinks its teeth in…

“This is where you nightmares live”

A creepy chorus of overlayed narrators jarringly shatters the magic of the first abridged cartoon to bring you into the next. It’s not just cornball – lazy editing and cheesy wipes were just part of the eighties – it’s that it incredibly unnecessary unless they assumed their audience would’ve been 90% blind. Click here to hear it for yourself.

Better shots taken for a separate article

“Mickey, Pluto, and Chip and Dale! Christmas morning will never be the same!” That seems innocuous in text, but imagine it murmured to you by an overlayed horde of trickster demons hellbent on coaxing you away from your immortal soul! Sorry, that’s how it feels to me anyway. Yet before you can run screaming from the room, BAM: You’re in the middle of “Pluto’s Christmas Tree” one of my all time favorite Christmas cartoons! I’ve written about that short in depth, so forgive me I jump to the next clip.

I really should be capturing pics from my Bambi DVD

Que the satanic narrators: “Christmas mo-ooooorning, and it’s Bambi’s first Christ-mas Day!” Wait, what? And here’s where things get weird… The next clip is from Bambi, specifically that splendid sequence where Thumper teaches him to navigate the ice. So, perhaps I’m entering into nerd rage mode but… why you gotta rewrite history, man? We can see the snow – Bambi’s first, actually – so I’m fairly sure the audience can accept that it’s somewhere close to Holidays.

Thumper does his impression of me viewing A Disney Christmas Gift

Must you needlessly fabricate that these two friends are celebrating Christmas just to fit the needs of this slapdash special? By that criteria, are we to assume the forest creatures consider a cruel blanket of snow and ice, and the freezing over of their water supply… a gift?! Tell that to the decomposing carcasses of the animals that don’t make it through the harsh winter, mister! And we’re on to the next clip…

Surprise?!

“Faaaaantaaasyy. In Never-Never laaaand. Oh what would Chriiiiistmas be, without Peter Pan?” Just because you sing it doesn’t make it true! And what the hell does Peter Pan have to do with Christmas, anyway?! Either way, here’s where we get to enjoy the otherwise wonderful, yet totally unrelated to Christmas, sequence from Peter Pan where the children take flight from the nursery.

The only justification I can see for the Xmas inclusion is their pajamas are a bit Dickensian

As one of my favorite scenes from any movie, period, this one’s hard to knock in just about any context, except that it makes me want to watch the rest of the movie immediately. Perhaps the producers assumed that the ambiguity of night left them plausible deniability. “You don’t know it’s not Christmas in London.” That shit may’ve flown in Hook, but… fuck I don’t want to talk about Hook.

In any other place, at any other time this cartoon rocks

And we’re off to the next clip… Cool, a Donald Duck cartoon! Okay… but why this one exactly?! “The Clock Watcher” is certainly a fine short, involving Donald’s frustrations with his job as a department store gift wrapper. However, it’s more about the shenanigans of workaday drudgery, and I know for a fact Don’s got better Christmas cartoons than this one. Oh well, on to… Sword and the Stone?! Goddammit!

Nothing says “Christmas” live divine absolutism

“Christmas in Merry Old England…” No it isn’t, satanic storytellers! It’s just snowing, plus your lead has an American accent! Whatever, they spoil the climax of that movie and briefly show Wart transform into King Arthur with an incredibly abrupt fade right when the sword is yanked free. And if you thought that segment was a little tacked on….

Star Wipe!

“Bibbidy Bobbety boo?!” I’m a fairly amateur Disney archivist, but I believe I owned – at the time – a billion other Disney shorts better suited for Christmas than Cinderella’s Ball transformation. A fucking pumpkin is the only thing you’ve got to even remotely signify the latter quarter of the year, and even then… oh, wait a minute. Look what’s next…

Oh yeah, it’s Christmas. Not a company highlight reel

Before I could even fly off the handle at the throwaway Cinderella inclusion, A Disney Christmas Gift caps off the whole shebang with “The Night Before Christmas,” almost redeeming itself for all prior sins. This melodic Silly Symphony from 1933 could very well be one of the most classic pieces of Christmas animation since the Holiday retired Jesus and learned how to draw.

Toy Parade! With a cameo!

It’s just a joyous vision of the Holiday’s, depicting Santa as a magical creature, who not only represents Christmas, he uses it as a superpower! BANG: Tree Decorations! ZAP: care-hung stockings! BOOM: toys come to life! Good God, I can’t wait to focus an entire days entry on this short someday.

Santa brings the toys to life to do his decorative bidding

The special caps itself off with a pretty great sequence actually, involving antique Disney Toys long unseen at the time A Disney Christmas Gift originally aired, just clanking about the Christmas tree as if magically brought to life by the absence of humans.

An Earlier Toy Story

Come to think, I wouldn’t mind if the imagery in the finale played in my head all December long, and the same can be said about most of the special, provided you remove the ungodly narrators and horrifyingly dated bridge sequences.

Hardly a horrible finale

Even if Mickey’s your closest messianic approximation, he gets surprisingly little animated screentime.

Not a whole helluva lot, but the attention he gets during “The Night Before Christmas” more than makes up for it.

I’m aware that Disney had already recycled much of its Christmas-related footage into earlier specials, but the bizarre choices made here just to pad the hour irk me to no end. Disregarding the of-the-era production values, A Disney Christmas Gift still comes off as remarkably shameless and halfassed. Believe me, as a special I used to hold dear, I was overwhelmed with joy to obtain it once again… However, I can guarantee it won’t be receiving another airing in my house around the Holidays anytime soon.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Shop Amazon through us – it helps!)

A Disney Christmas Gift has never been available on DVD, but can found on VHS, used, for next to nothing. However, all of its recycled components can be found separately and of a superior quality, which is how I’d recommend you pick them up anyway.

A far better purchase for those hankering for short-form Disney Christmases should pick up the reasonably priced, Disney Animation Collection 7. This includes the vastly superior work that A Disney Christmas Gift served as the placeholder for, Mickey’s Christmas Carol, as well as Pluto’s Christmas Tree, and other Yuletide Toons. Both of the aformentioned cartoons are also miraculously still available from Amazon sellers at great prices in the Walt Disney Treasure set, Mickey Mouse: In Living Color, Volume Two which I thoroughly recommend for collectors who desire complete, uncut animation sets.

If you’re like me and would prefer to own the movies features in A Disney Christmas Gift in their entirety, Bambi is soon to be released on DVD and Blu-Ray Platinum Edition sets this March 1st. Peter Pan and Cinderella have been returned to The Vault, yet can still be purchased through Amazon sellers, but The Sword in the Stone is still available on DVD. Unfortunately you’re pretty SOL on “Night Before Christmas” until Disney rereleases its Silly Symphonies again (although I believe it’s featured as a special feature on certain versions of The Santa Clause.)

Previous Christmas Special
HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS

2009′s Dec. 1st  Christmas Special
MR. MAGOO’S CHRISTMAS CAROL

Against all odds, A Cartoon Christmas is back for another year, bitches! We dare you to care just one more time. All we ask is that you help us out with some Animated Holiday suggestions…

Holy crap, has it really been almost a year since we last covered an Animated Christmas Special?! Couldn’t be helped, unfortunately. Google Analytics dictates we be cryogenically frozen for eleven months since almost no one is looking for grammatically incoherent yuletide bibble-babble about animated Christmas specials come January 1st. And you know, Web 2.0 and all that…

This is, essentially, how we do (From Mickey’s Christmas Carol)

Actually, screw that! We really should’ve posted more regularly as my affection for writing about Toons has done nothing but fester and mutate into a colossal red-and-green beast during the hiatus. Additionally, I was quite touched to hear a couple of friends express positive encouragement to carry on after I threatened not to do A Cartoon Christmas again at all this year.

Remember this? So do we!

But that’s what the site is for me, and possibly for those of you willing to nostalgically wade through 1000 words on cartoons the rest of the world may’ve forgotten, too: A true labor of love. (Not to mention a wonderful breather from spewing hyperbole about “those damn vidjagames” 24/7 for me personally.) So yeah… we’re back! And hopefully we’re gonna shake things up a bit.

Here’s some new stuff I’d like to do this year:
-An occasional feature?
-A Cartoon Christmas music podcast?
-Some Contests/Giveaways?
-Some custom art features?
-Possibly a guest writer or two?

Much like the Pac-man Christmas Special, ACC remains fully committed to the utterly stupid as well

Our mission statement hasn’t changed on bit, of course. Humorous write-ups on the animated Christmas specials of our past and recent present, peppered with several dozen hand-selected screen grabs, will remain our primary trade. However, I was wondering if you guys could maybe help us make it a little more interesting this year. Oh, dare I ask the obvious question?

What Christmas Specials do you want to see the A CARTOON CHRISTMAS cover?

Seriously, let us know in the comments below and I’ll see to it that we do a couple of December’s posts specifically based on a couple of your suggestions. (Please no Star Wars, k thx)

I assure you, the He-Man Special is so dumb it should be illegal

As always, we’ll be providing product write ups along with links to Amazon.com, and we humbly encourage you to buy through our links simply because it helps cover the cost of the site. Purchasing through any related product link on A Cartoon Christmas is 100% safe, costs you nothing, and kicks back a pithy percentage of each sale into the ACC coffers. So let’s give this whole Cartoon Christmas thang a shot one more time, shall we? And please, tell us you animated Holiday favorites below, and we’ll call everything square on gifts for 2010.

HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS!
Original Air Date: December 18, 1966

SYNOPSIS:
A twisted green wretch seeks to ruin Christmas for a race of singing rodent-creatures.

BACKSTORY:
How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is based on a 64-page book written and illustrated in 1957 by Theodor Geisel, better known to the world as Dr. Seuss – the pseudonym he adopted to contribute to his college paper after getting caught drinking during Prohibition.

Seuss wrote a handful of children’s books in the late 30’s before turning his attention toward the war effort, penning hundreds of left-wing political cartoons for periodicals. He also served as the uncredited writer on a series of propaganda shorts intended for soldiers overseas, one of the best of which was Warner Bros. animation’s Private Snafu.

Private Snafu and Clampett’s Horton Hatches the Egg from 1942

During WWII, George Pal, Terrytoons and Bob Clampett took stabs at adapting Seuss’ material into cartoons, and Gerald McBoing-Boing even won United Productions of America an Oscar in 1951 for Best Animated Short. But in the years after  WII, Seuss renewed his focus on creating books and for the next fifteen years was notoriously reluctant to have his characters appear in any other format.

Adapted into a live-action travesty in 2000

It took veteran Warner Bros. animation director Chuck Jones – Suess’ collaborator on the Snafu shorts – to finally convince the author to return to animation. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! premiered on CBS and ran annually on the network for the next two decades. Today it’s shown across numerous channels, and has the distinction of being one of the few Christmas specials aired multiple times in a single year.

BREAKDOWN:
I don’t think anyone will argue with me when I say that How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is the definitive Dr. Seuss adaptation. Grinch set the bar for exactly how you’re supposed to depict oblong environments in poetic pentameter, and as a result, has shown remarkable longevity against all other Seuss cartoons.

Christmas? Not a fan

Beyond this classic special, most people my age are more familiar with the animated works that followed – a favorite of mine being The Lorax – but you’ll get a far better sense of just how well The Grinch translates the author’s work onto the screen if you’ve ever watched the cartoons listed above that predated it.

Just outside of What-city

The Holiday staple is the product of nearly two decades of valiant attempts at Seuss animation, and you can definitely see why the author was so reluctant to bother with the medium of cartoons, in spite of the fact that he had helped to pioneer them during the war.

Admit it: You wished you lived here

I know most people haven’t seen the Private Snafu shorts. (Understandable, since most of us didn’t have the pleasure of serving as soldiers abroad during World War II.)  But despite being comparatively  frightening and risqué, they were actually the most representative of Seuss’ style on the page, until The Grinch came along.

Obviously, this is due to Seuss’ direct involvement in the production. And thanks to the help of friend and former co-worker Chuck Jones, the cartoon is ridiculously faithful to the source material, with nearly ever damned word taken directly from the book.

The only Who you’ll hear

Albert Hague, who played Mr. Shorofsky in Fame, composed the famous music, but the good doctor himself is responsible for the childishly grotesque and nonsensical lyrics.

Seussian toy names were added for the special

It’s truly the perfect companion piece to the book, which is something I cannot say about that idiotic Ron Howard movie of the same name… Two fucking hours, elongated by an unnecessary Grinch origin story, too much time in Whoville and dark, dreary effects that can hardly be called “special.”

An impression of me listening to any version of “12 Days of Christmas”

The cartoon works without all of that, because as Chuck Jones himself said, “everyone hates Christmas a little bit.” Even adults sullied by the shitty weather or Wal-Mart fistfights over the last Elmo doll can experience a Holiday heart enlargement with every viewing. And kids today remain dazzled by the all 70,000 hand-drawn cells strung together by one of the most expressive animators of all time.

Unlike the movie, the cartoon only features three cast members (outside of the singers.) Best known for his portrayal of some of the most iconic monsters in silver screen history, Boris Karloff adds a sinister warmth to The Grinch through his transformation.

Distinctly Chuck Jones

And to Karloff’s further credit, his sing-songy narration is the next-best thing to having the book read aloud to you in a cozy winter bed – whimsically lending the story all the timelessness of a rich folk tale.

Every cowboy needs a horse

The only other onscreen character with any lines is Cindy Lou Who, voiced by June Foray (also known for her work in Rocky and Bullwinkle). She remains uncredited to this day due to a simple production oversight, as does a man who deserves every bit as much credit as Karloff gets for The Grinch’s portrayal.

A Screen Actors Guild nightmare

As hard as it is to believe that somebody manually designing the credits scroll could forget to mention such a crucial aspect of the production… it happened, and it’s a big one. After all, the first thing that comes to mind upon the slightest whisper of “Grinch,” is the baritone lyrics, mightily bellowed out by Thurl Ravensoft.

That train looks straight out of a Dr. Suess book

Whereas the stupid live-action movie forced us to endure the Grinch as a tormented child, “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch” playfully establishes everything we need to know about the character, without the need for empathy.

Everything must go!

The lyrics endure as disgustingly evocative in a manner most juvenile, and the descriptive tune is among the most famous things on Ravensoft’s lengthy bio… Pretty impressive for a guy who also voiced Tony the Tiger for over fifty years, and moaned the immortal phrase of Snoopy’s rejection, “No Dogs Allowed.”

“Why no, I’m merely borrowing Christmas”

Why does he remain uncredited? Well, for one, it’s almost common knowledge.  Seuss himself was so mortified about the oversight that he mailed letters to publications all over America politely asking editors to, please, acknowledge the man behind the voice. And you could say most have obliged ever since.

The “Sinful Sot” listens in

Additionally, the omission stands because How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is beyond reproach, like the Star Wars of Christmas specials… okay, really bad example. But The Grinch is considered such a sacred American tome that even the slightest tampering would be considered an infraction of the highest caliber, as the only thing ever removed from the special were the Seuss-inspired bookend sponsor bumpers by the Foundation of Full Bank Services.

This song kills fascists

That said, you I hope you can see why I didn’t bother with a detailed plot synopsis. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! has been aired on television more than any other Christmas special, and the movie currently holds the box office record of highest-grossing Christmas movie of all time (in spite of being largely terrible).

NEVERMIND!

Shit, I’d like to meet a single person who isn’t familiar with the Grinch, if only so I could plunk them down, pry open their eyelids and force them to watch it for the first time. FYI: Even my Microsoft word recognizes the word Seuss, made up out of thin air!

How’zat for an ending?!

No overt reference is made to Christ, but once Grinchy strips away all of the telltale signs of an irreligious Christmas, you could interpret the glowing, star-like object seen with the Whos as the embodiment of the Son of God…

…but that’d probably be stupid.

Not specifically, but with all the Kringle imagery afoot, you can’t deny that The Grinch is still an approximation of Santa Claus, even if he is an evil doppelganger.

Yuletide Redemption

Just so you know, I haven’t seen How the Grinch Stole Christmas! in a couple of years, and I made it a point to view it after watching so many other Christmas-themed gems and gallstones. Thus, I can proudly exclaim with utmost authority: How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is the most perfect twenty-six minutes anyone can endure between November 30th and December 25th. And speaking as practical atheist, the special makes me feel bad, even mortified, for anybody involved in a religion too repressive to celebrate Christmas. How the Grinch Stole Christmas! is just so colorful, catchy and wonderful-to-behold, even Hebrews gots ta shout!

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

There’s an existing version of How the Grinch Stole Christmas! with a more green cover that you’ll want to avoid. The Deluxe Edition is what you want. It’s got many of the the bonus features from the previous edition, plus a couple new ones, and Warner has done a little color restoration after some complaints about the previous edition. If you’re High-Def equipped, you’ll definitely need the relatively inexpensive Blu-Ray. And how can I not recommend the book?! It makes a great, cheap-ass Christmas gift for even the most impossible-to-shop-for on your list.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
A MUPPET FAMILY CHRISTMAS

WILL VINTON’S CLAYMATION CHRISTMAS CELEBRATION
Original Air Date: December 21, 1987

SYNOPSIS:
The California Raisins and their Claymation brethren present the smartest, funniest, most creative and clayiest Christmas TRL you could ever ask for.

BACKSTORY:
Will Vinton didn’t invent claymation, but he does own the trademark.  No, really.  And he also lays claim to the creation of the California Raisins, which can come in handy if, say, you want to produce an animated Christmas special during the height of Raisinmania. (He also created The Noid, whom you should avoid, FYI.)

All that clay are belong to him

Not to imply that Vinton is some kind of proprietary asshole.  He’s done more than just about anyone to further the medium of clay animation (o.k., his words, not mine), including coining and trademarking the term “Claymation^TM,” which rolls off the tongue so much more easily than “clay animation,” don’t you think?

The famously canceled NES game developed by Capcom

Vinton created the California Raisins in 1987, as the stars of a commercial for the most boring-sounding agency on earth, the California Raisin Advisory Board (CALRAB).  And for those of you who weren’t around at the time (or were living under a rock), let me tell you: America went California-nuts for the California Raisins.

How, indeed…

We were a nation obsessed with those wrinkly little hunks of doo-wopping Model Magic.  We plastered them all over our pillowcases, Trapper Keepers, footie pajamas, cereal boxes, Hardees cinnamon raisin buns – basically anywhere you could put a raisin without getting slapped.

Love your raisin, hate yourself

On top of that, they had four studio albums, an animated TV series, and a couple of feature films, making them more successful than all the winners of American Idol combined.

So it should come as no surprise that when Vinton made A Claymation Christmas Celebration later that year, he decided to close it out with the marketing gold that was the California Raisins and their R&B rendition of “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer.”

Perhaps the faded popularity of the Raisins is part of the reason this feature has faded from the public eye.  It originally aired on CBS, but by the early 1990s had been relegated to cable and is now no longer shown anywhere.  Which is a shame, because it’s one my all-time favorite specials – funny, original, and wonderfully animated (sorry - claymated).

BREAKDOWN:
A Claymation Christmas Celebration is essentially a series of Christmas carol music videos hosted by the Mesozoic Odd Couple: straight-man Rex, an erudite, red Tyrannosaurus Jeff Goldblum; and foil Herb, a bulbous, lisping garbage disposal of a stegosaurus who proves that yes, Virginia, vegetarians can be fat.

Our prehistoric Felix and Oscar

As Rex dryly lays it out, “thematically speaking, we’ll be looking at Christmas carols as they relate to specific traditions.”  Snore.  It’s no wonder Herb feels a need to comfort eat…

First under the microscope is “We Three Kings,” but before Rex can finish his introductory discourse, along come a group of hound dogs singing “here we come a waffling,” and pushing a cart full of…WAFFLES!

Nums.

It’s a little something for everyone, as Herb gets to stuff his face with Belgian deliciousness…

“As usual, Herb, there you go letting history take a back seat to your stomach”

…and Rex gets to digress, interjecting, “pardon me, but you’re making a lyrical error in that fine old Christmas carol…”

But Rex is vexed – while he can successfully identify the true term as “wassailing,” no one, himself included, knows what it means.  Thus begins one of the special’s running gags, as a whole cast of characters parade in on the action with their own variations on “Here We Come A-Wassailing.”  But I’m getting ahead of myself…

Spoiler alert!

“We Three Kings” is preformed by clay versions of the Three Wise Men themselves – Melchior, Gaspar, and Balthasar – with an interjected chorus courtesy of some doo-wop camels whose vocal style bears more than a little resemblance to those yet-unseen dried fruits.

Close your eyes and picture…raisins!

The trios trade turns at the mic in a sound-off that leaves the wise guys eating camel dust.

“I hate you.”

“We love you!”

Luckily, they can all agree on one thing: their destination -  Jesus’ birthplace, illuminated by the Star of Bethlehem©.

My gift for Jesus: not-crack

Even more than twenty years later, the jazzy swing of the camels’ “star of wonder, star of night,” cheesy as it is, takes me straight back to the Christmases of my childhood – basking in the glow of the Christmas lights while I was sung to sleep by three pachyderms.

Jesus…better than GPS

Herb and Rex return to introduce my favorite clip: the Paris Bellharmonic performing “Carol of the Bells.”

“One of the ways to drive evil off was by making a great deal of noise…”

“This isn’t driving you off!”

Conductor Quasimodo has put together a fine ensemble of anthropomorphic bells, with the exception of one particularly unfocused member who gets distracted, plays some air guitar, hits himself in the face trying to swat a fly, and loses his mallet.

Someone I would probably date if I were a bell

The whole sketch is so clever that I don’t want to give away the punch line (you should really watch it yourself, HINT HINT), but I’ll just say that Quasi ultimately saves the day with a move that would leave Bart Simpson green with envy.

Don’t mess.

After being pulled briefly off track to deal with a flock of ducks come a-waddling, our prehistoric hosts present “Oh Christmas Tree,” which, while the claymating is stellar, is frankly not the most exciting tool in the shed.  So we’ll move on…

Yeah, it’s kinda like that

We’re next introduced to two physics-defying ice-skating walruses: the world-famous prima ballerina Margot Pontoon and her partner, Rudolf Nerves-on-Edge.

It’s a testament to the quality of the animation that Margot and Rudolf move exactly how you imagine a pair of ice-dancing walrus ballerinas would.

A majestic-y creature

They’re fluid (relatively speaking) and graceful(-ish), but they collide one too many times with the friendly neighborhood penguins…

Don’t get too attached…

Kapow!

…and when the walruses’ final salchow leaves them three feet underwater, the aggrieved penguins waste no time sealing up the hole.

Sorta like David and Goliath, except not at all

Too bad no one bothered to tell them that walruses are semi-aquatic animals.

Can’t nobody hold me down

We return to find Herb and Rex mired in reference books, trying to determine the true meaning of the term “wassailing,” when who should appear but a slew of swine come a-wallowing.  No, no, no, no, no! It’s all Rex can do to keep us, dear viewers, on the straight and narrow while trying to restrain Herb from joining the pig-out.

“Joy!”

Better distract us by cutting to the trippy African Pride Jesus-montage…

o.k., sure, a baby’s ass…why not?

The “Joy to the World” sequence is, in a word, weirdasballs.  I’m sure the animation is a marvel of modern plasticine, but this thing is like taking a baaaaaad trip soundtracked by Luther Vandross covering Manheim Steamroller.  Which I guess isn’t all bad, since synth-rock was my second-favorite childhood Christmas tradition, but still.

Here’s just a sampling of the crazy-ass shit that happens in the 2:30 that it takes to sing “Joy to the World.”  For the rest of the collection, please see my nightmares from the past twenty-two years.

So far, so…so.

I don’t remember anything like this in “Rudolph”…

Not okay.

Mommy?

Boobs!  All is forgiven, Vinton.

Finally we get to some damn Raisin action, introduced by ultimate CALRAB fan-boy Herb…

Sunglasses are how you knew something was cool in the ‘80s.

In a classic case of “slow food,” A.C., Bebop, Red, and Zoot spent so long shooting the shit that they missed the last bus home on Christmas Eve.  So what do they do?  Deliver the finest Motown “Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer” to ever grace our ears, of course!

See?  Cool.

And at the same time, they learn a hard lesson in acceptance when it turns out that one of their own is also a shiner.

“Craisin!”

Not really – they spend the whole song making fun of his nose…

“There’s no possible way they can mock me if I’m hiding behind this snowman”

FAIL

…then rope him to the front of a ghetto-fabulous sleigh and make him pull them home.

A little holiday oppression to warm your cockles

Fruits can be so cruel.

The special ends with Rex, Herb (who’s put on a good 3 packs of Sculpey) and all of their waffling, waddling, and wallowing compadres enjoying a full mug of Christmas spirit, courtesy of some singing leprechauns who pull up a-drinking – no, wait – a-wassailing!

Leave it to the Irish to show up wasted at the end

They’re carting a frat’s-worth of “Cyril’s Cider” (Really?  Not wassail?  Whatevs.), and they’re not a moment too soon because Rex is about to pop a vein.

“Fuck all y’all!”

Luckily, everyone finally gets what they wanted for Christmas – Rex gets validation, Herb gets enough clay snacks to feed a herd of bulimic elephants, and all of the claytastic characters get to make one last appearance.

What really killed the dinosaurs

Or rather, almost all of them.  In a much-appreciated nod to what I, and probably everyone with eyes, wanted for Christmas, those creepy-ass “Joy to the World” fuckers are nowhere to be seen.

LET’S WASSAIL!

While I wouldn’t call this a religious special (thank God!), and there’s certainly no molded Jesus anywhere, A Claymation Christmas does seem to have a little more savior-presence than most of the specials we’ve seen so far.

For one thing, it’s based around a series of carols that, whether we’re wont to admit it or not, sing the praises of Jesus’ big day.  Then, of course, there are the aforementioned manger-moseying Wise Men, and while I didn’t really want to have to bring it up again, the “Joy to the World” segment has more than a few images that could probably garner a cool sum on eBay if they were to show up on a piece of toast.

The face of Mary in…a program about Christmas!

Old Saint Nick makes just one blink-and-you’ll-miss-it appearance, (understandably) dozing in his rocking chair during the soporific “Oh Christmas Tree.”  But Herb does don an ever-strained Santa suit during the entire special, so we’ll give ‘em kudos for that, too.

A Claymation Christmas certainly doesn’t have a heartwarming moral, (too much) religious iconography, or a tidy resolution, but the melding of classic carols with ambulatory clay, quirky humor, Christmas treats, and those quintessentially 80′s spokes-raisins perfectly encapsulates everything that I loved about the holidays when I was growing up.  So while this may be the last nail in the coffin of the Christmas-spirit scale’s validity, I’m giving it 5 balls.  Cuz I love it.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

Contrary to popular belief, Will Vinton’s Claymation Christmas Celebration is available on DVD… and isn’t it time you upgraded from that VHS you recorded twenty years ago? (I know I probably should!) It contains the uncut special we all know and love, as well as Halloween and Easter specials you’ve likely never seen.

If you’re still in the mood for some vintage Vinton, I can easily recommend his full-length movie The Adventures of Mark Twain (which contains the notoriously frightening “Satan scene”), but if you’re simply hunting for something under the criteria of “stop-motion” and “Christmas,” you could do a helluva lot worse than the newly remastered The Nightmare Before Christmas.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
A FAT ALBERT CHRISTMAS

PLUTO’S CHRISTMAS TREE
Original Air Date: November 21, 1952

SYNOPSIS:
Chip and Dale run amok in Mickey’s house, giving Pluto a helluva hard time.

Mickey Mouse has been around since 1928, and Pluto since 1930. A great many of Mickey theatrical shorts featured the hapless mutt, and Pluto managed to parlay the success into almost fifty solo cartoons, yet Pluto’s Christmas Tree was produced in the final throes of Disney’s theatrical cartoons.

A line of figurines based on the cartoon were produced starting in 1995

Most of its characters had been relegated to roles of domestic life, and only Donald Duck would see life on screen into the next decade. Both Mickey and Pluto appeared in one more theatrical short a year later, but would then remain unseen in theaters for three decades.

BREAKDOWN:
Warm tidings, all! And to get the bad taste of yesterday’s Christmas Special out of thy mouth, here’s yet another wonderful Disney short that I get to award a high-quality embed where you can watch it in its entirety.

You may not remember the name, but there’s next to no one I know who hasn’t seen Pluto’s Christmas Tree. It’s been aired continuously on television for almost sixty years, and you’ll find it included in many a Disney Christmas compilation.

Not as threatening as it looks

I defy anyone out there (even you, Jews!) not to feel these images resonate with them in some way. If you own a television, you’ve been exposed to this short at least once.

The inspiration for Snow Dogs

And if you’re like me, you’ve probably spent a good part of your life confusing it with Toy Tinkers, as both feature highly similar premises.

Your Holiday decoration is their home

The difference here is that Chip and Dale are more forcibly brought into Mickey’s home, whereas in Toy Tinkers they pretty much intruded on Donald to steal his nuts.

Micky even makes wielding an axe look cute

I don’t mean to paint the sensational corporation in too noble a light, since technically they started it. Chip beams Pluto in the ass with an acorn, he chases them up a tree, which Mickey then chops down to – SURPRISE! – hang ornaments on.

Familiar yet?

I loveloveLOVE the Christmas Tree interiors, and that’s part of why I love the lil’ chipmunks to begin with. Despite their diminutive stature, everywhere they go always seems tailor-scaled to suit their needs

I know I could live here

Chip and Dale spend the duration of the cartoon mercilessly fucking with Pluto, while simultaneously trying to escape his wrath.

Generic gifts, ruined in the name of comedy

And when Pluto can finally take no more, he lunges at the tree, basically wrecking every Christmas decoration in sight.

Mickey and Pluto share a similar tail

Oh, Mickey is mad at first…

Puppy strangulation, also made adorable by Mickey

Until he discovers the Chipmunks himself, and offers them a reprieve from Pluto’s gnash on account of Christmas.

Caught in a passionate embrace

And hey, you got a great ending here.

“Ohhh… just try not to ruin next Christmas”

In the days before Disney’s classic characters were required to appear only in ensemble, Pluto’s Christmas Tree features a rare cameo from Disney’s biggest stars!

Caroling with a cello is serious business

Why bother? Every character here is bigger than Jesus.

None, really. With the notable exception of the candles Dale uses as a disguise:

While Pluto’s Christmas Tree barely registers on any of the other meters, every single image is synonymous with the season for me. Perhaps you’ll rate it differently when you get your own blog.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the site!)

Pluto’s Christmas Tree is featured on the single disc Disney Animation Collection Volume 7: Mickey’s Christmas Carol, along with several fantastic Christmas cartoons like The Small One and Santa’s Workshop. I still say your best bet is picking up Walt Disney Treasures: Mickey Mouse in Living Color Volume 2 as it too contains Pluto’s Christmas Tree and Mickey’s Christmas Carol, plus over 5 hours of Mickey goodness that you can be sure is uncut and uncensored. It looks to be out of print, but sellers are still offering it on Amazon for a steal. Pick it up while you can, it’s bound to become a pricey collector’s item. Speaking of hyper-expensive, that Pluto figurine is the most expensive thing I’ve ever needed!

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
BUGS BUNNY’S LOONEY CHRISTMAS TALES

BUGS BUNNY’S LOONEY CHRISTMAS TALES
Original Air Date: November 27, 1979

SYNOPSIS:
Bugs and the partially assembled Looney Tunes gang go through the Holiday motions!

BACKSTORY:
Although many people are given credit for the creation of Bugs Bunny, only one man brought him an Oscar. While Tex Avery popularized the version of Bugs we now know and love, Friz Freleng was the one who directed him to his only Academy Award, in 1958’s Knighty Knight Bugs.

Freleng and Bugs during better times

When Warner Bros. shut down its cartoon division in 1963, it allowed Freleng and the previous WB animation director, David DaPatie, to set up shop in its old animation facilities for a nominal fee, where they operated under the name of the DaPatie-Freleng Enterprises.

Logos that accompanied many a DFE cartoon

Rather than let their characters die, however, Warner licensed out the use of the Looney stable of characters to DFE and Chuck Jones Enterprises for several television projects – Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales was a joint product of both studios.

BREAKDOWN:
As much as I like the idea of “getting the band back together,” there’s a reason Bug Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales has been lost to time. These were the cheap years, the Speedy-Gonzales-versus-Daffy-Duck times most Looney Tunes fans don’t like to talk about.

Bugs opens the special by leading a group of drunks in song

Given the budget for what was essentially a heavily licensed, made-for-TV freelance assignment, I sure as shit didn’t expect a whole lot going in. So in a way I was not let down.

Love the backgrounds here

Both Jones and Freleng were well beyond their prime and, I’d guess, basically resurrecting old tricks for the money. It’s animated pretty poorly and the gags are, for the most part, simple retreads going through the motions.

It’s okay to feel uncomfortable

Looney Christmas Tales features three cartoons made fresh 30 years ago – two by Freleng and one by Chuck Jones. Now, I was faced with an overwhelming sense of dread at having to watch another adaptation of A Christmas Carol, especially at a run-time of seven or so minutes…

This is the most Bugs ever moves

But I sorta dug it since it was a surprisingly fresh take. Sure you’ve got the same old Dickens classic, recast with the Warner Bros. menagerie. Yosemite Sam is Scrooge, Porky Pig is Bob Cratchit, etc.

I noticed it, too, Bugs

Oh, and one role that hints at a adulterous Petunia Pig:

Yep, Tweety Bird as a genetically impossible Tiny Tim

But Bugs Bunny is pretty much Bugs Bunny. The only time a ghost even appears is when Bugs dresses like one.

It’s not unlike the old formula where they simply insert Bugs into any situation just to watch him torment another asshole, so I’ve got no complaints there.

This is how it ends – on Christmas night for a change

Only problem is, there’s no fluidity to the animation, nor to the Stalling-esque score we’ve come to associate with the rabbit’s escapades. Mel Blanc is on hand to provide all the recognizable character voices, but the sound effects seem to be on loan from Hanna-Barbera.

Spirited, but stupid

Chuck Jones’ Road Runner cartoon fares a bit better. By his own admission, there really isn’t much more to the Road Runner-Wile E. Coyote duo than concocting new ACME products and FAIL gags.

The only real premise at work is that Wile E. Coyote chases the Road Runner to the top of a mountain under the assumption that road runners hate snow.

In fact, he takes to it quite well

And no offense to the Road Runner or Wile E. Coyote, but it’s undeniably cool to see them running around someplace other than an art-deco desert for once. Plus the animation is a cut above.

Because Chuck Jones knows snow, bitches!

But probably the most notable cartoon is an all-new Tasmanian Devil short. Due to his latter-day popularity in commercials, mudflaps and television appearances, people tend to forget that Taz only starred in five theatrical shorts. (By comparison, Bugs was in almost 150!)

Great! Now I have a new phobia

In a bit of contrived self-awareness, even the pilots wonder why they’re shipping a Tasmanian Devil from Australia over the North Pole on Christmas Eve. But hey, that’s what gets him where he needs to be!

Animal cruelty?

Ever-afraid to portray cartoon characters as married – and thereby unattainable – Bugs is made to be caring for his nephew over the Holidays.

Who could forget Bugs’ nephew, “Nephew?”

Bugs proceeds to torment Taz, who actually seems even more punch-drunk and lost than usual on this occasion, to the point where you almost feel sorry for him.

Taz’s don’t know that table’s not food!

Either way, The Fright Before Christmas is the only short from this special that found its way in to regular airings on Saturday mornings alongside Warner Bros.’ popular, much better looking, theatrical shorts.

Not unlike the tree, this scene was trimmed in subsequent airings

The half-assed wraparound that bookends the three shorts fizzles out with Bugs riding off into the Christmas night with the rest of the Looney Tunes…

“Goodbye, Docs”

Right before Taz eats the sleigh, for a last-ditch comedic effort before the buzzer.

Obligations

What kind of goofy God would make a rabbit who could talk?! Keep your religion the hell away from my Looney Tunes!

Plenty of characters don the famous red suit, but only the big guy’s hoause makes an actual appearance.

All dressed up with no one around

Every time I beat back my Holiday cynicism, something like Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales comes along to keep me on my toes. Even thirty years later it resembles the shameless cash-in it always was: The Godfather III of Christmas specials. And above all, NO DAFFY!

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

Bugs Bunny’s Looney Christmas Tales is available on its own only on VHS, so it should be easy to avoid. However, it’s also included as a special feature on the Looney Tunes: Golden Collection, Volume 5, part of the phenomenal DVD series that contains nearly seven hours of Warner Bros. bliss. While you’re at it, pick up the latest volume as well – Warner has just announced that they’re discontinuing the Golden Collection,  so even a mild interest could turn into an extremely valuable collectors item! (Don’t believe me?  Peep the price on this similar Disney series that went on sale just two years ago.)

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
SANTA CLAUS IS COMIN’ TO TOWN

FRAGGLE ROCK: THE BELLS OF FRAGGLE ROCK
Original Air Date: December 24, 1984

SYNOPSIS:
Gobo is having trouble believing in the Fraggles’ Holiday traditions. Is he willing to risk their lives for his curiosity?

BACKSTORY:
Fraggle Rock premiered on January 10, 1983, as a joint venture among many channels and many nations. Following the worldwide success of Jim Henson’s Sesame Street, but also the difficulty translating the show to all the nationalities who wanted a piece, Fraggle Rock was designed to be a show easily understandable to all audiences.

The Fraggles dealt with universal themes like fear, jealously, sharing, and other issues easily relatable to viewers regardless of language or cultural background. So while US audiences tuning in on HBO saw sequences starring Doc, Sprocket and Uncle Traveling Matt, these brief scenes were re-shot to be made specific to the country it was airing in.

Fraggle Rock aired for only five seasons, yet has shown remarkable longevity on cable and abroad. Though the Henson Company has sold the rights to both The Muppets and Sesame Street, it retains ownership of The Fraggles, and is even readying a movie for them in 2010.

BREAKDOWN:
Oh, how I love Fraggle Rock! Each of the five characters is instantly lovable, and relatable to any human with a brain capable of watching. I was too poor to have watched these episodes when they originally aired in the states on HBO, yet I wasn’t ready to fully appreciate it during the subsequent airing on TNT I was eventually exposed to.

Wembley is very committed to that tropical shirt

My preteen brain was unable to grasp how well written the show and its above-and-beyond music were, and only as an adult can I truly exalt the wonderful way in which the marvelous universe of Fraggles, Dozers, and Gorgs presented some incredibly deep and heartfelt lessons.

Doc explains to Sprocket the various cultural traditions people celebrate during the Winter Solstice

I dare say I could’ve used a viewing of The Bells of Fraggle Rock as a teenager, when I was so fucking busy screaming about the stupidity of religion and the inherent benefits of atheism. Seriously, this is a Christmas episode with a message so powerfully unique that I’m embarrassed about the way I conducted myself into near-adulthood.

FYI, The Fraggles never even mention Christmas

In this episode, Gobo, the adventurous young explorer, is beginning to question the cultural traditions of his fellow Fraggles. Every year, the Fraggles celebrate The Festival of the Rock. They dress up, sing songs and ring bells in order to trigger the chiming of the Great Bell and keep The Rock (their home, not the wrestler) from stopping at the apex of its orbit and making life uninhabitably cold.

Not feeling the group costume

Problem is, Gobo is finding it increasingly difficult to slap on a smile and perform the rituals his people have been merrily but blindly conducting for years in the name of fun and survival.

If a sad sack like Boober can get behind the Holiday, surely Gobo can?!

What is it all for, and how is anything they do making a bit of difference in the scheme of things? All of Wembley’s, Mokey’s, Boober’s, and Red’s promises of fun and costumes are doing little to persuade him to leave it be and just enjoy himself.

Bah Humbug

Even the phenomenal song “There’s a Promise” (which I’m convinced should be allowed into our pantheon of Holiday music, if only for being absolutely beautiful and nondenominational!), lead by spiritual guru Cantus (who just so happens to be voiced by Jim Henson himself), does little to dissuade him.

Note the one guy not singing

It seems Gobo will only be satisfied with a literal interpretation of the Fraggles’ holiday.

Gobo finds a map in a box marked “Really Old Stuff”

He must see the mythical Great Bell in the center of the rock for himself, or bring back word to the others that it was all a sham.

Cantus maintains he does not sound like Rowlf the Dog

Cantus counsels Gobo that he need not go on such a dangerous journey, since the answer he’s really looking for is much closer. But Gobo makes a huge scene and embarks on the mission anyway.

Oh, and meanwhile Matt expounds on the strangeness of “Silly Creature” culture

Cantus quietly accompanies Gobo at a distance, and allows him to see whatever it is he needs to see.

I don’t want to ruin it

Through a series of literal, as well as spiritual, interpretations, Gobo eventually does find the answer, even though it wasn’t necessarily the one he was looking for.

Meanwhile, the gang freezes their asses off waiting for Gobo to return

But once he narrowly makes it back to Fraggle Rock, he finds that all of his friends have frozen. Whether this was due to the absence of Cantus or the lack of the ceremony is unimportant. The Festival of the Bells has not taken place, and Gobo has interfered with the natural order of things set in place by people far older and wiser than himself.

The horror!

Personally, I don’t see it as a message of conformity, but rather one of cultural acceptance. The Fraggles’ traditions are equal parts biological and religious; a fun way of acknowledging a balance within their universe.

Lesson hopefully learned

After unfreezing his friends, Gobo realizes that cultural traditions can have more importance than their face value. At no time is he asked not to question these beliefs, but he definitely learns that satisfying his own curiosity shouldn’t have to come at the expense of the beliefs and behavior enjoyed by others.

Gobo joins in the reprise of this fantastic song

I’m not a religious guy by any means, but it’s hard to interpret this any other way. Though neither Jesus nor Christianity are ever mentioned specifically, there’s a profound message of cultural acceptance here and I believe faith is a big part of that.

The only Santa to be seen is the small toy that Sprocket plays with.

I genuinely feel that there’s an unbelievably beautiful moral to The Bells of Fraggle Rock, one that encompasses all cultural holidays and truly embodies the spirit of the Christmas season better than just about any special I’ve ever seen. Doc does a good job of explaining to Sprocket why people celebrate winter holidays, and Traveling Matt’s outsider perspective on the Human’s Christmas really helps drive the point home. No Shit: If there’s one Christmas special on this entire stupid blog I believe every parent should show their kids, it’s this one.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

The Bells of Fraggle Rock appears on the one-disc Merry Fraggle Holiday, as well as on the boxed set, Fraggle Rock: The Complete Third Season. Of course, it’s also contained in Fraggle Rock: The Complete Series Collection, but that should go without saying. I wholeheartedly recommend picking up any of these wonderful sets.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
INVADER ZIM: THE MOST HORRIBLE X-MAS EVER

INVADER ZIM: THE MOST HORRIBLE X-MAS EVER
Original Air Date: December 10, 2002

SYNOPSIS:

An alien hellbent on taking over the world hatches an evil plan to pose as Santa Claus and lead the spirited masses of Earth to their ultimate DOOM!

BACKSTORY:
Invader Zim was first broadcast on March 30, 2001 as part of Nickelodeon’s efforts to extend its reach beyond children and into the teenage demographic. Perhaps hiring the Jhonen Vasquez, the writer of Johnny the Homicidal Maniac, got them a little more than they bargained for… since his show centered around a murderous alien who is only kept from destroying our planet by a boy named Dib, a nerd seemingly reviled by all.

The Nickelodeon cartoonist’s previous work

The series was far darker and more sadistic than anything that has ever aired on the network before or since, and lukewarm ratings made the satirical depictions of death and a moronic society all the harder to defend. The show was canceled at the very beginning of the second season even though it won numerous awards in the field of animation.

Zim was almost voiced by Billy West and Mark Hamill

Despite being the final episode in the production order, The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever was the only episode from Zim’s second season ever to premiere on Nickelodeon. The remaining finished episodes would eventually air on other networks starting in 2006, most notably on the Nicktoons Network, after the show proved to be a cult hit with the 18-25 set via the internet and DVD.

BREAKDOWN:
Invader Zim was one of those jobs almost well done. Nickelodeon attempted to branch out into harsher fare… only to buckle under scrutiny, cancel the show after a handful of episodes, and scare off the creator from ever returning to televised animation.

This episode featured an alternate intro where Zim and GIR are crushed by Santa’s fat ass

Damn shame, that. Because even though my friends and I were well outside of Zim’s target demographic, we finally caught wind of it through *cough* various means of internet file sharing, and have been in love with it ever since.

GIR, doin’ what he does bet: Nothing

That said, The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever is pretty wonderful Christmas special, even though it bitter-sweetly marks the last episode ever produced for the series, and absolutely barbaric by Rankin/Bass comparison.

Sure to warm the hearts of next to no one

That’s only an apt comparison given that Horrible X-Mas is also presented to the viewer as a tale told by a snowman, just like Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer… Only this snowman’s name is Sludgy, and he’s spinning the yarn from 2 million years in the future.

The winter of your nightmares

At the start, Zim is demanding money from the very humans he so hates, only to notice many a red-suited figure cutting in on his action.

You know he’s one of us from the nametag that says “HUMAN”

Zim kidnaps one of Santa’s helpers in hopes that he may better weaken the will of the masses by posing as the holiday icon he believes earthlings worship as a leader.

Meanwhile, Dib is trying to get Zim’s ship working so he can bring down the would-be alien conqueror nobody else even believes to exist.

Dib must save a world populated by people who hate him

A news update kicks on with an urgent update! Santa Claus is back, bitches!

People are sometimes too quick to believe in Santa

Dib may be the only person on Earth who can recognize Zim underneath his many costumes and contact lenses, but it is also revealed the his absentee father, Professor Membrane also holds a vendetta against Santa in general after he received an explosion of socks instead of unrefined uranium as a boy.

Sickeningly cute

Zim’s plan seems to be in full swing, as he has quite capably gathered the drooling masses into a Christmas themed arena so that they may exahult him before their inevitable demise.

Now that’s a Christmas celebration!

Dib tries to warn his fellow civilians, reminding them that the gorilla from last year was also, not Santa, but his pleas fall on deaf ears and Zim takes him captive.

Bow before Santa

A flaw has begun to expose itself… The suit Zim has brought to life is built upon the brains of several Santa’s. Once people begin to shout warm tidings of X-Mas cheer, the suit begins to show signs of call and response sentience.

Too… Merry

Dib proves to be a problem for Zim, so he disposes of him on an ice float in the middle of nowhere, leaving Dib with no other option but to call out to his normally indifferent family for help.

Not cool

Sister Gaz, arrives in the ship to pick him up, but in what could a be a series first, his father actually reaches out to offer help too. Although, it is a personal score he is more than prepared to settle.

Hating Santa, not Christmas

Cut to the North Pole, where Zim is finalizing his plans to eradicate the humans from the surface of the planet.

Are you ready to get Merry?!

YEEEAAAAAAAAH

But even the best laid plans go array. It seems Zim was prepared for everything… except an impossibly cute girl demanding a hug from Santa Claus.

D’Awwwwww

The suit has become… aware

And Zim is enveloped into his own creation of Horrible Christmas Cheer!

Should’ve impersonated Hanukkah Harry

Luckily, Dib burst onto the scene in a full on mech-suit built for the sole purpose of destroying Santa Claus…

Mecha-Humbug

Just in time for the Santa suit to go all out Akira:

BLAAARGH

An apocalyptic  war is waged with the organic Kringle-bot…

Stand closer, ya morons!

And Dib proves himself to be more than capable. He strikes a blow so powerful, Santa is knocked down and bleeds Zim from his insides.

Yeah, pretty gross

Outside of the confines of the suit, Zim shrinks the ruiner of Christmas and Dib fire the remains into space. Huzzah! Christmas is saved!

You’re welcome, Sheeple

As the savior of Christmas, and the entire human race, Dib looks like he may finally get the respect he has so long deserved… were it not for Zim’s Plan B: The Easter Platypus!

So cute, you almost want to hand him the world

And the whole special whips back into the future, as Sludgy the snowman explains that’s why children two million years later must barricade themselves indoors every Christmas: To avoid the wrath of Zim’s Christmas gift to the stars!

I know I feel merrier

Nil. Already skating on thin ice with his Nickelodeon overlords, that was one sacred cow Jhonen Vasquez wasn’t going after.

There’s about a billion utterly amazing Santa designs featured through The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever, but I dare not award it all five gingerbreads since they’re often horrific to the point of traumatizing:

I love this special, but it’s admittedly difficult to recommend to fans of traditional Christmas specials… At times, it’s hard to tell whether the writers are having fun with the legend of Christmas/Santa Claus or simply want to destroy it. For fans of Invader Zim, however, it’s a great episode. Not only is it filled with some of the most twisted Holiday imagery known to man, it seems they knew full well that this was it for the series and many a joke is made and the expense of the story, characters and overall premise.

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It’s not a question of “whether” you need to own Invader Zim, it’s “how much?” and “when.” This series is amazing and worth the time of anyone with the slightest interest in modern animation… although it looks as if Nick has stopped producing the DVDs. I had no idea since I bought the boxed set from Amazon less than a year ago for like $20… But it appears buying used is your only option so here goes: The Most Horrible X-Mas Ever is available on the Invader Zim Vol. 3: Horrible Holiday Cheer double disc set and within the basic box set or Invader Zim House Boxed Set that features an extra disc. Amazon sellers appear to be asking a lot, so shop around, and make sure to snatch one up if you see it in the wild… it appears like it may be worth more than you think.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
TOY TINKERS

TOY TINKERS
Original Air Date: December 16, 1949

SYNOPSIS:
Donald protects his nuts from a famous pair of fast-talking rodents.

BACKSTORY:
Donald Duck made his first appearance in 1939’s The Wise Little Hen looking a tad different, yet remained largely the same quick-tempered asshole throughout his entire career in Disney’s theatrical shorts (which extended nearly two decades longer than Mickey Mouse’s, I might add.)

Donald’s first appearance

Toy Tinkers was the last theatrical Donald short of the 1940s. It was nominated for an Academy Award but lost to Pepe Le Pew’s For Scent-imental Reasons.

BREAKDOWN:

To give myself and the dozen or so of you reading this blog a break from the usual post of screenshot-filled drivel followed by an Amazon product link… here’s the entire cartoon followed by an Amazon product link!

Yeah, I’m pretty gay for Donald Duck. But this cartoon spurred the idea for this entire blog (after sensationalizing Disney violence in a feature for GamesRadar.com) plus, it’s my personal favorite Disney Christmas cartoon, so eat that Flintstones fans!

M’lady

The same way people often associate Christmas with cold temperatures and the smell of firewood, I associate it with Toy Tinkers and Anchor Steam’s Christmas Ale.

You haven’t lived until you’ve killed your own Christmas Tree

Chip and Dale follow Donald home to steal his nuts (har har) but you’ll forgive me if I just post a couple of shots without ruining anything about this fantastic holiday cartoon chock full of great gags and wonderful music.

More wholesome than it looks

I’m going to go out on a limb and bet you’ve seen Toy Tinkers before. Disney loves including it on just about any DVD featuring a mistletoe and it’s included in damn near every Yule Tide sizzle reel produced by the company.

Adorable

But what you might’ve forgotten is all the gunplay which has been omitted from the cartoon in order to keep classic Disney characters safe for baby clothes. Either way, give it a watch. Toy Tinkers never ceases to make me profoundly happy.

As is usually the case, Jesus keeps his big beard out of Disney’s business.

Donald briefly dons the red suit… but it’s only to shove a gun in the chipmunks’ face.

Oh no! A Tobacco reference! SNIP-SNIP

I don’t care what today’s parents say: Gunplay and violence can too be funny, especially within the context of Toy Tinkers. Outside of that revolver image above, it’s made pretty clear Donald is firing walnuts out of a cork gun and the chipmunks are shooting fruit and ornaments. So shut up, hippies!

Okay, this image may require some explanation for kids under 10

The music is phenomenal as is the detail of animation, so it’s important not to overlook that just because the news tells us that children today are violent and brainless sponges. Toy Tinkers perfectly embodies the Holidays for me, and never goes a single Christmas without an airing or two in my household.

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Toy Tinkers appears unedited on the out of print and astronomically priced The Chronological Donald Volume Three. Oddly enough, Volume Two of Disney’s phenomenal Treasures series is still available at a much more affordable price… if that’s any consolation. Unfortunately, the Treasures series are the only place to find many of Disney’s finest shorts completely uncensored. If that isn’t a factor for you and yours, this year’s Disney Animation Collection 7: Mickey’s Christmas Carol features that and other Holiday classics like The Small One and Pluto’s Christmas Tree.

Yesterday’s Christmas Special:
THE SUPER MARIO BROS. SUPER SHOW: KOOPA KLAUS