PEACE ON EARTH
Original debut: December 9, 1939

What happens to the animals when the world runs out of goodwill toward men

Here it is, A Cartoon Christmas’ final post of 2012. And it’s short, but by no means sweet… While that Grandpa Squirrel certainly may sound a lot like Bugs Bunny (because it is) this MGM short takes on a much more serious tone. Whatever, you’re probably overdue for a more serious message if you’ve been keeping up with the site at all. Even though they’re living on a scorched Earth, these adorably modernized animals should somewhat soften the blow, as they take a Christmas Day to ponder the meaning of the phrase “Goodwill toward men” when there aren’t actually any men left.

This little ditty got MGM their first ever Academy Award nomination for an animated short, and was even rumored to be nominated for a fucking Nobel Peace Prize! That’s probably not true, but it’s anit-war message endured for so long that Hanna-Barbera, surely starved for new ideas and certainly no stranger to rehashing things, remade the thing in 1955 to fit a widescreen CinemaScope presentation. It was once again nominated for an Oscar.

Merry Christmas, folks. Thanks for coming

RAMBO: THE FORCE OF FREEDOM “WHEN S.A.V.A.G.E. STOLE SANTA”
Original Air Date: November 19, 1986

The story of how Rambo invented Christmas…

BACKSTORY
The character John Rambo was created by author David Morrell. In the 1972 novel, First Blood, Rambo is a drifter arrested for vagrancy, then suffers from a violent war flashback of being incarcerated and wages war on a small Kentucky town. Even though Rambo dies at the end of the book, the 1982 movie adaptation starring (and c0-written by) Sylvester Stallone lets him live to fight another day.

And fight Rambo does! Together with the the theatrical sequels, the Rambo film franchise has grossed almost 1 billion dollars worldwide. Toys and video games followed, but in 1986, Rambo became the first R-Rated franchise to receive a daily cartoon aimed at children…

BREAKDOWN
Hoooo boy! I knew this would offer something entertainingly stupid, and the Rambo Xmas Special delivers one billion percent. However, I honestly assumed the dumbest thing on display would be Rambo running around the North Pole with his shirt off, but this rare, 80s hunk of 80s schlock delivered so very much more. It makes the similarly abbreviated special G.I. Joe C.O.B.R.A. Claus look like something written by Aaron Sorkin.

Dis gun’ be good…

My recent humiliating trials in hunting down a Wii U got me bitching about supply meeting demand. Nintendo built a ceaseless marketing campaign for its new console, then went on to deliver 5 to 10 units per store, including pre-orders! Asinine…. The Rambo animated series is on the opposite end of the supply and demand coin.

Yuletide warmth from the intro

Nobody asked for an children’s cartoon featuring the star of three hyper-violent R-rated movies, but the folks at Ruby-Spears not only went ahead and made one anyway, their single-season venture received SIXTY-FIVE wholly unnecessary episodes.

I don’t know what disability the animators are making fun of here, but I am thoroughly offended

Each episode basically aired only once before the series was pulled, but of course that also meant that desperate need for war time storylines forced the writers into the completely inappropriate well of Christmas. (For further evidence of the series’ lack of planning, “When S.A.V.A.G.E. Stole Santa” aired on November fucking 19th!)

Children reenact Rambo’s experience in Vietnam

And luckily for viewers today, eager for a hacky slice of Stallon-inspired pap, the episode is wildly idiotic, completely worth watching from dumbass beginning to fuck-stupid end. I won’t pretend to be familiar with the series, but the writers probably could have provided a little insight on the canon, as the episode opens with some established military faction planning something. Whatever, there’s snow and berets. Christmas, militia, I get it.

There in a sec…

Then we cut to… you guessed, that old Holiday staple: An orphanage! And one so moronically located- in the middle of Antarctica apparently- with no visible roads to civilization, nor any adult super vision. It’s enough to make you wanna vote Republican just to cut aid to idiotic government organizations who’d zone a branch of child services way the fuck out here.

This was not the greatest idea of the season…

Here we meet… aw fuck, I don’t remember. Let’s call him Billy! There’s an 95% chance I would’ve been right without ever seeing the special anyway. Billy has either succumbed to the “Holiday Blues” and/or the “My Parents Are Dead and I’m Trapped in a Remote Tundra Woes,” and he basically takes it out on Xmas and calls all the other children idiots. To further drive home the point that all his peers are morons for believing in Santa, Billy does the smart thing and leaves alone in the middle of torrential snowstorm…

“BULLSHIT!”

And here’s where things start to get weird. Billy passes by a place that looks like Santa’s village. He peers into a window, sees a bearded dude in a familiar get up stuffing a sack with toys, and still humbugs the notion that Santa exists. Huh? Okay let’s say that that orphanage is actually a remote science lab that clones nothing but multi-racial 9-year-olds and this is his first Christmas. He’s clearly aware of the myth, wouldn’t seeing something like this 100% support, and even validate the existence of Santa? Wait, the more important question is probably “Who the fuck is that old guy!” More on that in a second…

Because a shirt would only slow Rambo down!

Of course Billy gets lost in the snowstorm, but thankfully, the military consultant on the show (seriously, check the credits) saw fit to arm the boy with a flashlight and knowledge of Morse Code. Oh, who could ever be expected to understand such a language…

YES! Rambo watches over us all!

John Rambo, out on a sleeveless Christmas Eve patrol, spots the tyke and pulls him to safety. And that’s assuming your definition of safety includes clinging to the rail of a speeding helicopter at high altitudes and a wind chill of “OH SHIT!”

Everything seems legal here

Rambo does what he does best… He fucking wins. John Rambo has been bestowed with two simple super powers: To constantly triumph and to never die. So it’s certainly interesting to see how that plays out when giving a child a lift to a strange old man’s house. Wait, who is the fuck is this guy?!

Turns out Rambo knows this guy on a first name basis, calling him “Chris.” I FUCKING LOVE THIS. Of course it could be evidence of more mind-meltingly shitty writing, but let’s be honest, Rambo is basically an immortal, mythical creature. It makes all the sense in the world that he’d know Santa. And probably the Easter Bunny, Mohammad, and a Chupacabra or two.

Old friends

This guy dresses, acts, talks, and sure as shit looks like Santa, and the title of the episode would seem to reaffirm that. Turns out “Chris” was given a new lease on life by none other than John Rambo. His previous life included engineering weapons of mass destruction, although now, thanks to fucking Rambo, he devotes himself to making toys and distributing them every Christmas. WITH RAMBO! How’s that for alternate fiction?!

Decking the halls, Rambo style

And the rest of the world seems to be familiar with Santa’s scientifically destructive past, because they want to kidnap him and force him to imagineer a bunch of death rockets. For what purpose, the audience is never clued in on. But just assume they’re Cobra – it works!

The most used weapon in the entire production? A wooden sword

They come for Santa, but Rambo thwarts them. How? By doing absolutely nothing you’d ever associate with Rambo!

Dude, you do know Rambo’s killed for way less than this?

This is a kiddie cartoon, so Rambo can only dispose of baddies in the most nonviolent means possible. He basically shoves them into things, which fall down or explode, in a way that would even have Bugs Bunny calling him a pussy. Rambo does in fact briefly hold his iconic bow and arrow, but he uses it only once… To whack away a live grenade?

Imagine Hawkeye inside the Matrix…

His moves are primarily defensive. He mostly distracts his enemies so that they can drive off a cliff or incapacitate themselves. Despite being confronted with live ammunition, Rambo never throws a punch, slings an arrow, or fires a bullet.

What follows are some of the most hilariously stupid action sequences for the rest of the episode. Rambo almost never says anything, but the bad guys run the fuck away and/or slip on banana peels that take them directly to jail.

The action is too idiotic to describe here, but the stupidity doesn’t let up for a mind-numbingly insulting second. But once Rambo commandeers a fucking reindeer sleigh to go after “Chris,” you’d be 100% correct in assuming you’re pretty much watching the greatest Christmas special of all time.

Whatever

Rambo puts a minor dent in whatever the fuck this militia’s plan might be, and because it’s Christmas, they fly away and charitably assure the audience they’ll be back in later episodes. Hooray, who like orphans?!

Awaiting the new Jesus

Billy, Rambo, and Santa return to the orphanage (I’m so happy I just got to write that!), where evidently the life threatening tale of arms race espionage and Tom Clancy-esque  intrigue has taught lil’ Billy the True Meaning of Christmas.

Kings of Kristmas

Another Xmas miracle! And as was required in the 80s, the episode closes with the entire cast laughing at an utterly terrible joke.

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

I’ll give it a little Christ credit since during the 80s, Rambo, Chuck Norris, and Ronald Reagan where the closest equivalent we had to The Father, The Son, and The Holy Ghost. These were good times, kids. Wish we could go back to the days when freedom and justified ass-kicking were our spiritual stand-ins for salvation.

I STILL DON’T KNOW! Was this actually Santa Claus, or some disgraced military engineer so traumatized by his past deeds he’s devoted himself to toy manufacturing and annual breaking/entering?! Whatever, those red pajamas go a long way. This episode is in dire need of director commentary!

I dunno, I had a blast with this thing. The brazen notion that Rambo essentially created Santa Claus and delivers toys with him every year stands as a testament to how big both Rambo and Stallone stood in the zeitgeist during the mid-80s. That’s truly something worth being reminded of; a close second to the importance of family, and Jesus and such. I’d easily recommend it to the nostalgic, although it’s hard to put it up there with the unironically good Christmas stuff. Can I get away with three balls?!

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

“When S.A.V.A.G.E. Stole Santa” is available on Volume 3 DVD of Rambo: The Animated Series. For more murderous, Cold War fun, check out the Rambo Movie Collection on Blu-ray and DVD. And if you’d like to ward off any and all potential burglars, pick up a Rambo action figure and put the Fear of God Almighty in them!

MUCH BETTER CHRISTMAS SPECIALS!

YESTERDAY’S XMAS SPECIAL
CARE BEARS NUTCRACKER SUITE

LAST YEAR’S DEC. 24TH XMAS SPECIAL
G.I. JOE’S “COBRA C.L.A.W.S ARE COMING TO TOWN”

2010′s DEC. 24TH XMAS SPECIAL
THE SIMPSONS “SIMPSONS ROASTING ON AN OPEN FIRE”

2009′S DEC. 24TH XMAS SPECIAL
HOW THE GRINCH STOLE CHRISTMAS

THE SNOWMAN

FROSTY THE SNOWMAN
A group of children and a magical rabbit bring a lovable snowman to life. Keeping him that way gets to be a little problematic…

SNOWY HOLIDAY PICS FROM FAMOUS DISNEY FILMS
Iconic Christmastime imagery from your favorite classic Disney movies…

CARE BEARS NUTCRACKER SUITE
Original Air Date: December 10, 1988

A handful of Care Bears and their stupid cousins grab ass around for what seems like a goddamned eternity

BACKSTORY
If you can believe it, The Care Bears were launched within the folds of American Greetings’ cards in 1981 with ten bears differentiated by little more than color and tummy emblem.

Following what was then called “the biggest character launch in the history of retail,” the Care Bears debuted in doll, board game, and even cereal form in a mass licensing deal with Kenner, Parker Brothers, and General Mills.

The original theatrical poster for The Care Bears Movie (1985)

Following the success of their first syndicated TV Specials, Care Bears in the Land Without Feelings and The Care Bears Battle the Freeze Machine, The Care Bears received its own movie and TV series, launched within a month of one another in the spring of 1985.

Oh, you better belive there was a touring live show

The Care Bears were on a high, with the TV show receiving two more seasons, which integrated the plot elements introduced theatrically, such as The Care Bear Cousins, in two bigscreen sequels. The fourth film never made it theaters, instead seeing release on home video and television…

Pardon the lack of Suite-ness

BREAKDOWN
Okay, if you’re a Care Bears fan looking to have your memories sugarcoated, you may as well turn back now. Seriously, hit that back button up there and leave!

You’ll never guess how this opening ties into the special (You will)

Care Bears Nutcracker Suite is, to put it lightly, an unwatchable abomination. This thing is fucking excruciating and  needlessly long, and I sincerely recommend no one ever watch it. I may even go so far as to head up a Kickstarter campaign to launch its original negative to launch into an active volcano, so that once those DVDs and VHSs wither away, it’ll be justly forgotten about and disappear from the collective consciousness.

Don’t get used to this. Care-A-Lot is in this for like 90 seconds

Perhaps some of you remember what we posted in our Mission Statement: Taking Back Christmas Specials. One of our intentions here at A Cartoon Christmas was to praise and call attention to a new generation of Christmas Specials, since not a lot of ‘em made after the 1970s get exalted in the same way as Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer or A Charlie Brown Christmas.

Hope you don’t like these characters ’cause you’ll never see ‘em again

Not only does my generation have (what should be anyway) modern-day classics worthy of curation, like A Garfield Christmas or Emmet Otter, children of the 80s and 90s received many Xmas-themed episodes, Fraggle Rock and Talespin come to mind, that deserve to stand toe-to-toe with whatever the fuck the major networks consider “Timeless Holiday Entertainment” and thus worthy of airing in households annually.

Click to enlarge panorama

NONE OF THAT applies to Care Bears Nutcracker Suite. This is truly insipid horseshit that more than deserves to stay lost to time. Or only enjoyed by the most nostalgic among you with a shit ton of pot.

“LOOK AT ALL THE BETTER CHRISTMAS SPECIALS!”

I honestly believe garbage like this and The Smurfs, bear the lions-share of responsibility of why people think they hate cartoons, Christmas Specials, and Cartoons Christmas specials.

“I’ll be standing in for a majority of the characters. RAWR!”

This is a classic example of not only 80s licensing gone mad, but writing so fucking lazy it enters the realm of cynicism and evil. Every time you see an animated Christmas special parodied- Happy Little Elves on The Simpsons comes to mind- this is the kind of sickening shit they’re mocking.

I always imagined Tenderheart Bear as the original bear other Care Bears were genetically cloned from

I honestly cannot believe the people behind Care Bears Nutcracker Suite had intended for this hour-long, “feature length” presentation to come to theaters, but it sheds some light on why Pixar, and even Dreamworks’ movies, are so universally lauded by comparison.

Of course you’d want the most cantankerous bear leading a mission to save Xmas

When I think about dragging my parents to sickeningly sweet turds like this back when I was a kid I actually feel bad! Little more than a colorful brain babysitter, which I imagine works just the same on cats, there’s absolutely nothing for even the dumbest adult to latch onto for a second, and crap like this was all up in theaters back when I was growing up.

In a stroke of brilliant writing, we begin our special with an unexplained dimensional portal

Unlike movies like Toy Story and even Sherk, there is nothing in Care Bears for both kids and adults to enjoy, and I have to assume a lot of parents would walk away from a showing deeply resenting their own children. My Little Pony The Movie, Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer, The Smurfs and the Magic Flute… this was a time of saccharine Hallmark lines making there way to theaters.

He always falls asleep right afterward

I feel like calling my parents and apologizing. I remember loving The Care Bears movies, Care Bear Cousins, and adjacent TV shows as a child. And I literally recall dancing in the aisle as a hyperactive child during Care Bears II.  (Sidenote: That movie theater of my youth would later be closed down and converted into a government business regulatory commission, where I worked miserably  in a cubicle for a year right in the spot I formerly danced. Depressing!)

All the stopping power of a gay flashlight

If you wonder why Don Bluth films like American Tail and The Land Before Time- or even wildly dark animated  fare like The Last Unicorn- hit so big in the theater in the 80s, it’s because the big screen was somewhat dominated by fucking Hasbro.

Click to Enlarge

Disney was going through a rough period (The Black Cauldron, The Great Mouse Detective) but the movie going public was clearly hungry for theatrical cartoons. The first Care Bears movie was the first-ever animated film based directly on a toy line, and ended up shattering box office record, becoming the most successful animated movie made outside of Disney.

So… yeah, there’s an even more evil guy

No joke, and the utterly repugnant piece of demon shit that is Care Bears Nutcracker Suite was originally destined for theaters before someone realized either A) they’d gotten lucky with the first crop of dumbass films, or B) it was fucking horrible.

“This way to more meaningless story details!”

Now, as a former Care Bears fan, I don’t recall feeling any particular fondness for the material. I just loved the look of the characters and world. Rooftops shingled with cupcake icing. Flying cars. PINK SHIT! I recall taking my first airline flight and being crushed to discover that not only was there no Care-A-Lot, just attempting to stand on a cloud was a fool’s errand.

Cynically sweet

As I’ve stated in the past, I cared a helluva lot less for “Boy Cartoons” and usually preferred the hyper-colorful, neon bukkake meant to appeal to girls. Give me a Gay Pride flag assemblage of pastel bears firing rainbows out of their dicks and I’m a happy boy.

A train powered by diabetes - GENIUS!

I’m not saying that doing such would’ve made Care Bears Nutcracker Suite any more palatable, but some focus group somewhere decided that this Christmas Special/Exiled movie should contain a tighter all-star cast of only the most popular Care Bears.

This scene, featuring an attack of misfit toys, might’ve been interesting almost anywhere else

Understandable, given that the Care Bears movies had introduced them to their animal cousins and ballooned the cast to more main players than all five seasons of The Wire. Sure, I’m a little upset that they’d throw away the color palette, however, Nutcrackers “Best of” choices are far more excruciating.

Still more travel…

Tenderheart is an obvious choice, as the groups default brown leader, and whom I assumed was the first bear all of the others were cloned from in some cruel act of science. Funshine Bear… okay, I would’ve preferred Cheer Bear or Good Luck Bear, but whatever. But that fucking elephant. All it ever does is punctuate every stupid line said by others with “And that’s the truth!” I’m assuming the imbeciles compiling focus group data into a script just plain mixed up the “Elephant never forgets” stereotype with George Washington.

Just DIE already!

You know, we usually have regaled the reader with a few plot details at this point, but I really feel like I’m doing the world a service by bypassing any of that. It reminds me of this instance in 3rd grade where my class paired up to create short plays and then perform them live. Not only did my friend Ben and I not prepare anything whatsoever, we didn’t even bother scrambling for a story at the last minute. Instead we decided we’d just improvise something.

Totally feelin’ ya, Grumpy…

It went a little something like this: “Oh, what a lovely day here on Cybertron! What are you doing?” “I built a flying car. Let’s go for a spin!” “Whooooaa! Now, we’re back in time – AH, DINOSAURS!” “Grab a grenade launcher…” After about fifteen minutes, our teacher stood up and shouted “THAT’S ENOUGH!” Care Bears Nutcracker Suite is that play, and I am now my angry third grade teacher.

Yeah, yeah there’s something in that walnut…

It really is astounding how little thought went into the writing. Animation is a hard medium to improvise in, but perhaps Nelvana could get away with it, since I imagine the months of hard work was being performed by Koreans overseas who’d be whipped mercilessly should they offer any insight on the script.

SPOILER: This is fucking stupid

I have a loose familiarity with the Nutcarcker Suite, and by that I mean I had a little sister in ballet and was forced to endure annual recitals where I was bored to the point of wanting to blow my brains out. There’s a toy soldier, a rat king, and some recognizable music used to transition scenes. But rest assured, everything else would have Tchaikovsky spinning in his grave so fast he’d bore a hole to the center of the earth. Eat a dick, Care Bears!

There. Is. No. God. But Care-A-Lot is probably what Heaven looked like in the 80s!

NO! There’s almost no Holiday imagery outside of the very beginning. And since the script certainly feels like it was written at gunpoint, I honestly have no idea why no one lazily chucked Kringle in. Perhaps if the script ever entered a second draft…

Fuck the Care Bears Nutcracker Suite. The only reason it isn’t getting ZERO balls is because I don’t feel like making one and I already resent every moment of my life this special has sucked from me. It’s a moronically layered tale with absurdly obvious conclusions and false starts, that basically sees the candy-colored grizzlies sucked into the a dimension where there’s a vague Nutcracker theme and NOTHING HAPPENS. Everything about it is insulting, especially the ridiculous things it thinks an audience with more IQ points than Care Bear Cousins will be surprised by. Oh, there are certainly chase sequences, but nothing is ever lost or gained in order to create more poorly animated chase sequences and pad its feature length runtime. You think you can still take in a viewing as an ironic curiosity, big dog?! It’s already the length of three regular episodes, and feels infinitely longer. I swear you wont make it. Nor should you. In case I wasn’t clear: I hate this.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Support the Site!)

Care Bears The Nutcracker is available on it’s own standalone DVD, with more bonus Xmas features, albeit in an more updated animated form. If you’re overflowing with free time, love crap and are in the mood to betray your own nostalgia, every episode of Care Bears The Original Series is collected on DVD. Of course, we don’t recommend any of those, but you can still purchase classic Care Bears plush dolls, which is frankly where they’re better off…

MUCH BETTER CHRISTMAS SPECIALS!

YESTERDAY’S XMAS SPECIAL
BUMP IN THE NIGHT “TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE BUMPY”

LAST YEAR’S DEC. 23RD XMAS SPECIAL
FOR BETTER OR FOR WORSE “THE BESTEST PRESENT”

2010′s DEC. 23RD XMAS SPECIAL
A GARFIELD CHRISTMAS

2009′S DEC. 23RD XMAS SPECIAL
A MUPPET FAMILY CHRISTMAS

A WISH FOR WINGS THAT WORKED

TWEETY & SYLVESTER “GIFT WRAPPED”
A hungry cat tries to land hot Christmas meal. His arsenal? Everything underneath the tree!

BEAVIS AND BUTT-HEAD DO CHRISTMAS
Two of cinema’s most wholesome classics tackled by MTV’s foulest duo…

BUMP IN THE NIGHT “TWAS THE NIGHT BEFORE BUMPY”
Original Air Date: December, 19, 1995

A little green monster who lives under a bed sets out to steal Santa’s bag of presents, destroying all his friendships in the wake of his selfishness.

BACKSTORY

In the late 1980’s, a man by the name of Ken Pontac began his career in graphics and effects, working in commercials. Now that seems very vague, but it would eventually lead into the birth of a creative Saturday morning cartoon a little over a decade later.

At the time, and in Hollywood, the path of being a filmmaker was very generic and worked almost like a video game skill tree. In Pontac’s case, his work in graphics lead to the inevitable and he found himself transitioning into the world of animation. In 1987, he had landed an art director position on The New Adventures of Gumby (his beginning foray into stop motion animation) creating props, characters, sets, what have you. This would prove to be a valuable asset years later. After bouncing around a bit in the development department at Warner Brothers, he started up his own production company, Danger Productions.

Following hot off of the heel’s of the pretty darn successful, The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993), Pontac proposed a Saturday morning cartoon in a similar vein. His knowledge from his stint on Gumby helped sell the idea of animating and creating everything in house and a year later the cartoon, Bump in the Night (about a little green monster who lives under the bed), hit television.

Bump in the Night was a short-lived show that ran for two years (1994-1995) on Saturdays at 8AM. At the time everyone had re-fallen in love with the idea of stop motion animation (thanks to Tim Burton). It even had a Toy Story feel before the world knew what Toy Story was. Every night, creatures and toys alike would roam about a house on odd mis-adventures. The lead characters were Mr. Bumpy, a large-eyed, little, green monster who sounded like Darkwing Duck (probably due to the fact he was voiced by Jim Cummings); a blob of blue toilet water named Mr. Squishington voiced by the talented Rob Paulsen a.k.a Yakko Warner (or Bubsy, from the amazing Bubsy game franchise); and Molly Coddle, a Raggedy Ann doll pieced together from broken doll parts (voiced by Gail Matthius who had a role on Airplane II: The Sequel).

If you close your eyes, it’s basically a cartoon about these people

There isn’t much more to be said about the show other than it was most definitely geared at children with problems concentrating and it dealt out moral lessons to it’s demographic. Each episode always contained a lesson about patience and understanding. Not a lot of people have solid memories of the show’s existence beyond the occasional “Oh yeah, that was a thing.”

Fun fact: Ken Pontac now writes for Happy Tree Friends, which should give you some idea of what his brain is like.

BREAKDOWN

I think, Bump in the Night was something only I had watched as a kid and not a lot of other people cared about. It probably explains why the show fizzled out, but the unfortunate reality is that it provided something special. It was something that you could sit and watch, while turning off your brain, and yet be 100% engrossed in the visuals.

The office probably just got Microsoft Power Point

As I prepared myself to dive into something that I hadn’t watched since childhood, I was readying myself for absolute garbage. However, as I watched, I was more intrigued than appalled by the cartoon. Looking past what could be considered The Nightmare Before Christmas’ “special” little brother no one ever talked about, I found myself returning to glorious days where thought was not required and I could lose myself in this visual oddity.

There has to be room for a piano in the budget or it’s not worth it at all

One might think ‘Twas the Night Before Bumpy is just another cookie cutter holiday cartoon adaptation, but nay- it goes beyond that. It’s as if the writers  decided to mash together a Frankenstein monster from buried story parts. The best way to describe this 90 minute special is to call it a Christmas Adventure Musical Clip Show.

The story starts off with the show’s strange assembly of characters decking the heck out of the halls (or at least their little quadrant of the house) at night. They’re carrying out a montage of holiday traditions as they prepare for a pageant they’re putting on for themselves.

 They have a freakin’ dive bar under some kid’s bed

As everything seems to be going swell, Mr. Bumpy (our hyperactive protagonist) asks the very soft-spoken  Molly Coddle (our subplot heroin), to help him search for Mr. Squishington (the foil, if you will). His given reason for such an endeavor? Top secret Christmas business, of course. After a moment of searching and holiday small talk, they find the blue goo character, but perhaps at the wrong moment. As Mr. Squishington’s name is called, he turns and trips over what appear to be a series of traps Mr. Bumpy had set earlier by the house’s Christmas tree.

The real present is those eyes

There’s a moment of confusion before Molly Coddle demands to know the reason for the traps and current mess. It is then that Mr. Bumpy startlingly reveals he is once again after ol’ Santa Claus’s bag of goods. As the green monster relives past Christmas attempts where he failed to steal all of the presents in the world, Mr. Squishington begins to cry. It turns out that this act clumsiness was the straw that broke his emotional camel’s back, as this whole time he’s been longing for a pair of feet so he can learn to tap dance. Yes, the dream of dreams.

Toilet water doesn’t need feet

Of course, being a selfish green monster, Mr. Bumpy takes advantage of poor Squish’s broken dreams and heart. He promises him his very own pair of tap dancing feet if he helps him sneak into Santa’s workshop in an elaborate heist to steal the bag of presents.

The rest of the Christmas special ends up going through periods of referential jokes and stolen plot points. Take for example, The Wizard of Oz. As Mr. Bumpy and Mr. Squishington make their way to the North Pole, they enlist the help from others who are also longing for more adequate solutions to their body’s mishaps (I think there’s something about self-confidence to be learned here). There is a worm who may or may not resemble John Waters (and sounds like Cheech Marin) who only wants a pair of arms so he can do “arm things.”

“You know. Arm things.”

There’s also a hummingbird who is stuck at Stonehenge only because she doesn’t have the speed or energy to travel long distances. So obviously she wants a jet pack, because that totally makes sense. To top off the bird’s appearance, she’s English and says the words crumpet, cheerio, and fish ‘n’ chips, all in the span of one minute.

I bet she flies on the left side of the road and loves tea, too

The special also has a “we must save the pageant or Christmas will be ruined” subplot. When Mr. Squishington- the pageant director- left with Mr. Bumpy, he left Molly Coddle- who is afraid of being in a position of authority- in charge.

Telling people what to do is haaaaard

Every five minutes, the story is interrupted for a musical number that cleverly changes the lyrics of holiday classics to match the plot (and uses clips from past episodes to save time in animation).

The 90s were such inclusive years

Lastly the special takes cues from A Christmas Story, where Mr. Bumpy’s selfish desire is matched none other than by Ralphie (who only cares about what he wants). If any of that doesn’t work for you, ‘Twas the Night Before Bumpy even throws in a Raiders of the Lost Ark and Full Metal Jacket reference.

It’s pretty much the same thing

Like I said earlier, there’s a lot going on. Almost too much. But for some reason this works and brings back what I enjoyed about the show in the first place- I can just turn my brain off and enjoy what’s in front of me. Now before people get up in arms and say, “Well that’s just shitty television,” I must say both yes and no. Look at the cartoon Adventure Time or even going back to the Animaniacs; being nonsensical can sometimes be the most intelligent thing you can do. It allows for us to appreciate aspects of something we normally wouldn’t, which is where ‘Twas the Night Before Bumpy excels.

This special creates a dark yet bright world and dabs at it with holiday cheer. Although not the world’s greatest in stop motion animation, there’s something genuine about it, and seeing such hyperactive characters inhabit such a world, I would have to say that the special takes on the sincerest form of A.D.D..

To top things off, there’s also a humbling feeling that comes with each character’s resolution that makes you appreciate the season even more. A normally tough and gruff RoboCop toy rip-off named Destructo finds someone to love his tender side, Mr. Squishington learns that he is perfect just the way he is, and Mr. Bumpy learns the age-old “tis far better to give than to receive” lesson.

Character resolution!

MERRRRRY CHRISTMASSSS!

Hmm, nope. No Jesus here.

Well they DO break into Santa’s workshop and steal his sack of presents… So I’d say he’s pretty important to this special.

EVERYONE learns a special lesson. The holiday spirit is all up in this show. Bumpy does manage to steal Santa’s sack (and tear it open on the way back home) but doing so teaches him the most valuable lesson in any Christmas movie.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Shop Amazon through us!)

Despite it’s lack of popularity, you can find Bump in the Night: Twas the Night Before Bumpy on DVD. You can also pick up Bump in the Night: Night of the Living Bread, which contains a variety of episodes. While you’re on the semi-dark stop motion kick, why not grab The Nightmare Before Christmas?

THE CHRISTMAS TOY

A CARTOON CHRISTMAS IPHONE WALLPAPERS
An animated gift for almost any smartphone!

GUMBY & POKEY IN “SCROOGE LOOSE“
Dressed as detectives, Gumby and Pokey, almost prevent Ebenzer Scrooge from ruining Christmas

ALIENS FIRST CHRISTMAS
Original Air Date: NOVEMBER 12, 1991

Set in the year 2027, three humans originally from Earth now live on the planet Zolonia. Unfortunately for the Peoples family, Christmas is not celebrated on Zolonia.

BACKSTORY
Ah, yes. November 12, 1991. I remember it fondly. Actually, I was just 1 year- old and about to experience my second ever Christmas and have zero recollection of the whole situation. However, that did not stop the fine (Canadian) people at Perennial Pictures from showcasing the second pilot episode of their planned Aliens Next Door series on the Disney Channel, where it aired only once.

Soon after its initial airing,  Aliens First Christmas was cast into public domain purgatory. Unfortunately, the proposed series, Aliens Next Door, was never green-lit to exist as a regularly televised program. Today, copies of both pilot episodes may be found in bargain bins and/or dollar stores.

Directed by Jerry Reynolds and Russ Harris, Alien’s First Christmas was just one of a handful of similarly (cheaply) produced specials by the two men including Jolly Old St. Nicholas, O Christmas Tree, Deck the Halls, Jingle Bell Rap, and something called The Three Fishketeers. Reynolds and Harris also lend their writing, music, and voice-acting talents to Alien’s First Christmas.

BREAKDOWN

Zolonia, in all its purple and orange glory

In order to adjust to their new surroundings, the Peoples family decide to decorate for Christmas in the traditional Earth sense.

The Peoples. They’re people. Except for the space-dog.

Roger Peoples frantically runs around his backyard, shouting orders to some sort of cosmic UPS worker who is carrying a large box.

Ah man, he’s so fat, sad, and adorable

Hearing the commotion, the human’s neighbors Mavo and Charlick Zox step outside to investigate the situation.

The Zox couple, continuing the TV trend of a sexy wife and her chunky-yet-funny husband

Roger begins to get frustrated and demands to have the box lowered.

Wait for it…

Wait for it…

Comedy gold

Despite almost being crushed to death, the Peoples are excited to receive their new shipment of Christmas decorations.

“No, I’m not Elroy Jetson”

Apparently, Roger doesn’t believe Zolonian electricity will be able to power the Earth-native decorations correctly and decides to create a special generator contraption.

“Yep, this looks safe and practical”

Despite the doubts of both his wife and his neighbors, Roger connects a strand of Christmas lights up to the machine and powers it on.

“Fuck you. I know what I’m doing.”

Within seconds, the machine goes haywire.

Did anyone really expect this to work?

Everyone seems to write off this incident until shit really hits the fan.

Fran having regrets about her marriage

Sparks emit from the monstrosity and destroys the box of decorations before ultimately destroying itself.

Christmas is ruined

Tears are shed. Fran declares that Christmas is ruined.

The explosion temporarily causes everyone to become African-American/African-Zolonian

In one of the most depressing and humorous lines of dialogue ever spoken (closely following Stu Pickles’ famously dark “I’ve lost control of my life” line from Rugrats), Roger laments over the fact that he “blew up Christmas.” Shortly after, Elroy Benny sits inside his home, hating his own existence.

“One day I shall have my revenge”

In an attempt to cheer up her son, Fran brings in a tray of Christmas cookies. Yet, thanks to the damn Zolonian ovens, the cookies are basically rocks.

“I think there’s acid in these”

So after his generator failed, Roger is determined to salvage the holiday and sets out to find gifts for his family.

What’s more ridiculous: The pinball mode of transportation or that tree?

Roger travels to the Zolonian Mall in hopes of finding presents.

Once again, looks safe and practical

Roger discovers two gifts he finds adequate: A purple hat for his wife and a green ball for his son. Too bad he’s in a Zolonian pet shop and both of these things are alive. To top it off, these specific animals are mortal enemies. Roger doesn’t know this, though.

“Yes, my family will definitely forget that I ruined Christmas when they see what wonderful goods I have purchased for them!”

Sneaking back home, Roger contemplates how to get the presents inside without his family noticing. Meanwhile, Fran brings a second batch of “cookies” to her son. Although the cookies actually look like cookies this time, Benny reacts in a more disgusted manner than when he ate the rocks.

“She never brings me cookies…”

Roger continues to ponder on how to sneak the “hat” and “ball” inside.

“I am a poor consumer”

Before he hatches an idea, the beasts escape from his grasp and chase one another across the yard.

Not a hat at all

The “gifts” run away leaving Roger empty-handed. He then dissolves into a tantrum of manic rage, depression, and laughter.

“I am crazy”

Next door, the Zox couple feels sorry for the Peoples. Mavo comes up with an idea to give their neighbors an Earth Christmas experience.

Just a normal evening with the Zox family

Time passes and Mavo and Charlick come up with some ideas.

Something about this home makes me feel uneasy

Charlick decides to dress up as “Santa Clocks” as Mavo begins work on decorations fit for a “Hairy Christmas.”

The Zox couple is really into role play

Showing great perseverance, the Peoples family join together and sing Christmas carols outside. Just because there are no decoration, gifts, edible treats, or smiles doesn’t mean it’s not Christmas.

“I get knocked down, but I get up again…”

Too bad their other neighbors are trying to sleep and get pissed at the singing. One neighbor in particular decides the most rational thing to do is sick a rabid space-dog on the Peoples.

Space Cujo

The Peoples climb a tree, narrowly escaping the jaws of death.

“What a dick”

Elsewhere, the Zox couple has managed to sneak inside the Peoples’ home and decorate the interior with festive objects.

Fire hazard

The showpiece of their efforts is a “spine tree.” A little dark, perhaps, but let’s roll with it.

THAT USED TO BE SOMETHING’S SPINE

As Mavo and Charlick are ready to gloat over their friendly gesture, Mavo trips over a books and discovers pictures that reveal the truth behind the Christmas decorations.

Smut

Embarrassed, Mavo finds that she and her husband have misinterpreted the whole situation. Before she is able to tear down their ornamentation, the Peoples return home.

“Pine tree? That’s not logical.”

Mavo gives an excuse to Roger in order to prevent the Peoples from discovering what a horrible person she is.

“Bitch, step aside”

Where’s Charlick you ask? He’s in the backyard digging hole using a garden hoe, exclaiming, “Ho Ho Ho.”

Get it?

Roger sees through Mavo’s bluff and goes inside his home. Despite being upset, the Peoples are flattered by their neighbor’s attempts. Then, it begins to snow outside.

Snow? On Zolonia? How could this be?

Rushing outdoors, the families stumble upon more cheer. There is a large Christmas tree, decorated magnificently.

Not made of bones

Apparently it doesn’t normally snow on Zolonia, illustrated by Mavo shivering like a madwoman.

Not sure if cold or having meth withdrawals

Roger finds presents for everyone underneath the magical tree, even Mavo and Charlick.

“Now my family won’t abandon me!”

Despite not knowing where the tree and gifts came from, everyone is overjoyed.

“I hope I get The Jetsons DVD set this year!”

But who could have caused all of this joy and magic?

SANTA

Santa and his reindeer fly overhead, wishing everyone a Merry Christmas.

“Thanks, you crazy old man!”

Thus, the Christmas spirit is salvaged. Even on distant planets, Santa proves he possesses unlimited power.

Benny gets revenge on his father via snowball

Cue laughter amongst the characters as the camera pans upward into the snowy sky.

Santa could care less about the other homes on Zolonia

All in all, Alien’s First Christmas manages to showcase the Christmas spirit and the bonds between family and neighbors in a decent manner. In retrospect, the whole thing just seems to be missing polish in terms of animation and a sense of plot progression. Although it may be far from being considered a holiday classic, AFC was still able to put the wheels in motion in terms of my own holiday spirit and I look forward to viewing more specials throughout the month.

Aside from Roger at one point explaining Christmas as a religious Earth holiday, no other mention of Christ is evident.

Although it took nearly the entire runtime for the actual Santa to show up on screen, Mr. Kringle ended up saving the day and solidifying the holiday spirit. Charlick’s depiction of “Santa Clocks” may be earnest, yet ultimately leaves something to be desired.

Where it may lack in any sort of WOW factor, AFC is still able to at least slowly inject the yuletide fever into my veins and persuade me to dive right into more various aspects of the holiday season.

Alien’s First Christmas is available for purchase on Amazon in both VHS and DVD. You can also find Aliens Next Door on VHS.

MORE CARTOON CHRISTMAS SPECIALS!

YESTERDAY’S XMAS SPECIAL
A VERY SPECIAL FAMILY GUY FREAKIN’ CHRISTMAS

LAST YEAR’S DEC. 21ST XMAS SPECIAL
ED, EDD N’ EDDY’s “JINGLE JINGLE JANGLE” 

2010′s DEC. 21ST XMAS SPECIAL
GEORGE AND THE CHRISTMAS STAR

2009′S DEC. 21ST XMAS SPECIAL
A CLAYMATION CHRSITMAS CELEBRATION

RAGGEDY ANN”S “THE GREAT SANTA CLAUS CAPER”

SONIC’S CHRISTMAS BLAST
The buffoonishly evil Dr. Robotnik takes over the Holidays, and only one Hedgehog can stop him…

THE MUSIC OF EMMET OTTER’S JUG-BAND CHRISTMAS
Listen and Download all the timeless songs you love from Emmet Otter’s Jug-Band Christmas…

FAMILY GUY “A VERY SPECIAL FAMILY GUY FREAKIN’ CHRISTMAS”

Original Air Date: December 21, 2001

Seth MacFarlane rips off the Simpsons every day with his shows. Why not do a Christmas episode as well?

BACKSTORY

Almost everyone has heard of Family Guy. In 1999 Seth MacFarlane started a show on Fox inspired by growing up watching The Simpsons. It was fairly popular but in 2001 after its third season (and after this episode) Fox decided to cancel the show.

Fortunately for us, though, Adult Swim began airing the show, which helped the then fledgling network to establish itself. In 2004 Family Guy returned and has been running ever since. This is the first of two Family Guy Christmas specials. The show also allowed Seth MacFarlane to expand to other shows like AmericanDad and The Cleveland Show.

It’s Christmas time in Quahog

Lois and the kids are at the annual Quahog Christmas tree lighting ceremony, which is being chaired by the family’s neighbor Cleveland Brown.

Chris hands Stewie a candy cane…

Which he immediately carves into a shiv

Cleveland gives a brief introduction and thanks the local senior center for helping to light this year’s Christmas tree. Lois directs Stewie’s attention to the manger scene where the annual Christmas Pageant will be held. It seems sweet, darling Stewie is going to be playing the role of Baby Jesus. Stewie responds, as expected, with violence.

 Blasted woman!

Lois then takes the candy cane away from Stewie telling him he can’t have any sweets before dinner. Who cares that he just tried to murder her (again). Lois explains why the tree is important and how it reminds her of all the joy of the Christmas season. It’s because she seems to be the only one who really understands what Christmas is all about that we just KNOW she’s gonna lose all faith in the holiday before the episode is over.

The Quahog Christmas tree with some weird grey guy near the middle

We then go back to the nativity scene…

Now you see it…

Just in time to see Peter plow through it with the family station wagon.

Now you don’t

Our next scene takes us to the Griffin residence on Spooner Street and we get a chance to see the house with all of its Christmas cheer and we see the family gathered around the TV.

Your standard Christmas Special home

Lois reminds Peter that even though it is the day before Christmas Eve he still hasn’t gotten them a tree. Peter asks Brian to tape the show they are watching, but Brian reminds him that the VCR hasn’t worked since he tried to tape Monday Night football. We then see the first of our classic Family Guy cutaway gags. This one showing Peter trying to tape football only to be thwarted by the FBI.

OH HELL NO

With the commercial break and Lois’ promise of a new VCR, Peter finally caves and runs out in front of the house and to hunt down a tree.

Viola! A tree!

Sadly though for Peter he can’t go back to watching TV because he and Lois are expected at Joe and Bonnie Swanson’s house.

Peter tries to get out of it by offering to kill Lois’ mother

How did Joe get the lights on the roof?

Peter, Lois, Joe, and Bonnie all gather around for some eggnog. Joe is really down and Bonnie explains that is because Joe had his accident (the one which crippled him) on Christmas.

Joe recreates a common interaction for him using gingerbread men

Fortunately, at this time the tension is broken up by the appearance of Peter’s other two neighbors, Quagmire and Cleveland. 

Do they know they’re standing under mistletoe?

Lois convinces Peter to take Joe along with the guys for their yuletide shenanigans. As they are leaving Lois reminds Peter to take one of the presents in the car to Toys For Toddlers, a local charity. Peter sort of listens but is more concerned with joining in the festivities and calls for a beer, which Joe promptly denies him.

“But I neeeeeed it!”

The rest of the Griffin family is left to decorate the tree. Lois comes in to take Stewie to bed and is rewarded with another threat (for the second time thus far). Lois tells Stewie he should be nice instead of naughty because Santa is always watching, a fact that gets him thinking.

Stewie believes he has found one of Santa’s cameras

We now catch up with the boys as they are driving around town singing and having a merry time, all except for Peter. While the guys are carrying on and drinking, Peter is stuck as the designated driver. After being teased and watching his friends make fools of themselves (something he would normally be drunkenly taking part in) Peter tells the guys he has to get going so he can drop off the toys at Toys For Toddlers. Back at the house, Stewie is rummaging through some presents. In the background we hear a voice and Stewie turns to see none other than Santa Claus! He pulls out a gun and starts firing rapidly.

Keep firing Stewie!

This is one of the early Family Guy Star Wars references they would make prior to their three Star Wars Specials. In this case they are referencing the scene in Empire Strikes Back where Han and Leia walk into the dining room on Bespin and see Darth Vader. Han starts firing at Vader only to have his shots deflected and his blaster removed from his grip by Vader. In this case Santa is obviously Vader and Stewie is Han.

Of COURSE Santa is a Sith Lord

Santa then places Stewie in a sack and brings him back to the North Pole where Stewie becomes Santa’s Most Special Little Helper.

I bet that hurt

Ah, but it was all just a dream. WHAT A TWIST.

It’s all in your head…

It is now Christmas Eve. Lois thanks Peter for allowing Joe to play with him and the guys. He wanders into the living room and she asks him to bring the rest of the presents in from the car. Peter flops down and the couch and Brian asks if he is going to go do it. Peter responds by saying that he already took care of the presents by dropping them off at Toys For Toddlers. ALL OF THE PRESENTS. This starts an argument between Peter and Brian about the definition of for and from because Peter thought that the presents were labeled as from the family.

Oh shiiiiiiii

This realization triggers leads Peter to try and get back the presents he accidentally gave to the charity. We find Peter and Brian at a local trailer park trying to form a plan.

You see kids, you’re too gross to have nice things

Needless to say, Lois is displeased.

“Lois if you strike me down I will become more powerful then you can possibly imagine”

And for those of you keeping track at home, yes that is Star Wars reference number two for this episode. Obi-Wan Kenobi, New Hope yeah, yeah, you guys know. Lois does cool down a little though because even though Peter screwed up it did bring some happiness to the less fortunate (Read: Those filthy trailer trash monsters). Seizing the opportunity, Peter asks if he can drink some beer and watch KISS Saves Santa.

Yup, KISS is gonna save Santa

Lois though buts a bit of kibosh on the whole thing so they can go to the mall to re-purchase all the Christmas presents. She decides they need to split up to get the list done faster. She and Peter split the list between them and she sends the kids to go take Stewie to go see Santa.

The great and powerful Santa Claus

Peter walks through the mall looking for presents and he comes across a TV store where he watches a moment of KISS Saves Santa.

A slight twist on a Christmas Special cliché

Then suddenly the TV turns off as the salesman hands it to a customer. Peter expresses his frustration but the salesman reminds him that it will be on next year. We return to Brian as the timer goes off on the turkey. As he gets up to go to the kitchen a spark flies off the fire and lands on the carpet!

The living room is ablaze!

Brian turns back around the corner for a fire extinguisher, but has less than positive results.

Dammit Peter!

Back at the mall… Stewie has reached the front of the line to meet Santa and is now sitting on his lap telling him what he wants for Christmas: Plutonium. What little boy doesn’t want plutonium?

You hear me, Fat Man?

Santa asks him if he can be a good boy and, of course, Stewie agrees to be good in exchange for the dangerous substance. Meanwhile, Brian is finally able to locate a real fire extinguisher to help but it sends him flying all over the room spraying foam everywhere.

Steady, Brian

Peter has found one of the gifts on his list, a set of barrettes for Meg. However, someone else is spying that fine piece of jewelry. A feisty old grandma has her eyes on them too. Peter licks them to try and convince her to not want them. This has no effect on the old demon and it leads to a chase scene through the mall, culminating in Peter being attacked by fish. Because why not?

She’s old. How quick can she be?

Returning to the house, we see Brian picking himself up after putting out the fire in the living room when he remembers the turkey. He runs into the kitchen to put out that fire, but the fire extinguisher is all out of foam.

Well… shit

The family now is on their way home from the mall. Lois talks about how they’re following the star on top of the town Christmas tree home.

BORING

Lois’ analogy cues the second cutaway gag of the episode. This one is of the three wise men as they are walking across the desert following the star in the west. We see the wise men arguing over the presents they got for the baby Jesus.

Dick move, bro

Two of them are pissed the third guy got gold and bitch about how he exceeded their agreed upon $5 limit. Eventually they agree to just give all three gifts as a group and not from each one individually. The family arrives home to find it destroyed. The turkey is smoldering in the oven, Brian is blowing on his burned up hands, and worst of all the TV is smashed!

Joy is dead

Peter and Brian begin yelling at each other. Peter is yelling at Brian for ruining the TV. Brian is yelling at him for buying a novelty fire extinguisher. Eventually Lois comes between the two of them and gathers everyone together to work on cleaning up the house. She asks Meg to go to the cabinet to get her some paper towels but then Meg tells her there are no paper towels, and things take a drastic turn for the worse.

No Paper Towels?!?!

Lois is fed up with it! She throws the turkey across the room before ripping into Peter and everyone else about all the stresses of the holiday season before storming out of the house, bound and determined to kill everyone else’s Christmas spirit. Remember how she was so cheery and full of Christmas spirit she was earlier? Yeah, not so much anymore.

LOIS SMASH

The family stands flabbergasted in the living room as Lois destroys some of our favorite Christmas memories.

George in “It’s A Wonderful Life”

Lois pushes him off the bridge

Lois comes across the Frosty the Snowman. He wishes her a Merry Christmas, which turns out to not be such a good move on his part.

Frosty and the kids

One of these kids is a sociopath

Lois then sees the Quahog Christmas tree and is filled with a manic need to see it in ruin.

Sometimes you just want to destroy something beautiful

We return to the family to see them licking their wounds after Lois’ outburst. Stewie enters and is excited and ready for the Christmas pageant. He realized that in order to get want he wants from Santa he must play along and be nice.

Stewie makes a shitty baby Jesus

Chris asks where Lois might be. Peter then mentions that he placed a homing beacon in Lois’ skull for just this reason. However, he also put them in a bunch of squirrels.

Well that’s not very useful Peter

Luckily, Lois is at the pageant they need to bring Stewie to. They find her scaling the town tree to try and kill the star.

Lois goes full King Kong

Joe is there with his cop friends to get Lois down with a tranquilizer gun.

Ahhh, the holidays

Peter convinces Joe to let them go ahead with the pageant, hoping it might put some of the Christmas spirit back into Lois. The opening scene shows Bonnie portraying the virgin Mary in the stable about to give birth to the baby Jesus.

Definitely not a virgin

The she pulls Stewie out from under the blanket. Stewie gives a long speech about the joy of Christmas and explains that we act nice around this time of the year because we are being watched by the omnipresent Santa.

Stewie knows all

Lois sees this and is touched, but Peter tells the cops to take the shot anyway. So much for learning lessons. Now she’ll just be in a tranquilizer-induced sleep for the rest of the episode.

“I’m gonna hang her head over my fireplace”

We return to the Griffin house and see the family opening their gifts, except for Lois who is unconscious in the corner. 

They’ll get around to fixing the house eventually

Stewie opens the last of his presents and is dismayed at the Hungry, Hungry Hippos he has received but then Chris hands him one last present.

Seriously, who gives babies plutonium?

This last present solidifies Stewie’s belief in Santa. Brian asks Peter if he got everything he wanted for Christmas. Peter answers in the positive and produces a copy of KISS Saves Santa and we watch the final scene of the movie.

KISS saved the day!

Jesus is referenced quite a few time throughout the episode. Stewie portrays him in the Christmas pageant, and Peter talks about zombie Jesus in his introduction to the pageant. It’s all fairly surface though and not deeply religious. Santa is all over this episode. He’s at the mall. He’s in Stewie’s dreams. He’s on TV. Plenty of Big Red to go around. Not too many people really learn anything or have any revelations about the “true meaning of Christmas” in this special. Lois sort of does before she’s tranquilized. Stewie just learns pretending to be on his best behavior will get him presents (in the form of dangerous radioactive chemical elements). Everyone else just kind of goes with the flow. That said, Christmas is definitely all up in this bitch. While no one really gets into the the spirit, the thought is there.

PRODUCT INFORMATION (Shop Amazon through us and support the site!)

You can find A Very Special Family Guy Freakin’ Christmas on its own OR you can grab all of Family Guy: Volume 2. We also recommend checking out Family Guy: Volume One if you lived under a rock or have not heard of TV until today.

MORE CARTOON CHRISTMAS SPECIALS!

YESTERDAY’S XMAS SPECIAL
DOUG “DOUG’S CHRISTMAS STORY”

LAST YEAR’S DEC. 20th XMAS SPECIAL
A PINK PANTHER CHRISTMAS 

2010′s DEC. 20TH XMAS SPECIAL
MICKEY’S ONCE UPON A CHRISTMAS

2009′S DEC. 20TH XMAS SPECIAL
A FAT ALBERT CHRISTMAS