CLONE HIGH “SNOWFLAKE DAY: A VERY SPECIAL HOLIDAY EPISODE”
Original Air Date: April 13, 2003
In a world already inhabited by clones, it’s only natural Christmas would be anything but traditional
Clone High was one of those shows that was pretty much DOA when it was brought to MTV so many years ago after airing on Canada’s Teletoon network. Launching around the same times as shows like 3 South and Undergrads, Clone High was MTV’s answer to other channels trying to do the “adult cartoon” genre.
Sure, they had success with Beavis and Butthead and Liquid Television years before, but the channel had changed so much, they were never going to recreate that success. Enough ranting about MTV, Clone High deserves the attention, not some 3rd rate “music television” channel! Clone High was all about the characters; hell, the theme song gives you all the exposition you’ll ever need:
Basically, all of the essential characters save for parents and a few select others are clones of famous people throughout history. They’re now faced with handling the most dreaded of all things: High school.
Everyone from JFK, to Abe Lincoln, to Cleopatra is present. Any historical figure you can think of more than likely appears in this universe. What made Clone High great and memorable was its mastery of comedic timing and stellar writing. Its cast helped too. With Will Forte leading the charge as Lincoln, he’s joined by MAD TV alum Nicole Sullivan and Michael McDonald, along with tons of other great voice work. If you love Scrubs, Clone High is co-created by Bill Lawrence, and it shows. You’ll hear familiar voices such as “Janitor” (Neil Flynn) and Turk (Donald Faison) helping create these fantastic characters.
This character alone had a lot to do with Clone High’s cancellation
Clone High unfortunately only lasted one season, and it didn’t even get to finish its run on MTV, instead, 5 episodes were left unaired in the US… Luckily, DVDs and home media exist, so we’re able to now experience all this terrific, though tragically cancelled show has to offer via that avenue! There’s so much I could say about Clone High, but it would be Valentine’s Day by the time I’m done, and you all probably would like to read other offerings here at Cartoon Christmas, so let’s get this started, eh?
Clone High’s Special Presentation of Snowflake Day opens amongst a snow covered world with kids and adults alike enjoying all the beauty it has to offer.
We are then treated to a more subdued Principal Scudsworth who, along with his robot butler Mr. B, is enjoying a nice evening at home, writing letters to family, dictating their year with Clone High.
Pan out his window to see Joan of Arc glaring at the Snowflake Day snowflake, and generally being disgusted by everything around her, including Ghandi and Abe.
So they celebrate snowflakes?
Ah, the traditional Snowflake Day… lamb taco
So there we have the “A” story of our special: Joan’s “Grinchiness” trying to bring down Snowflake Day. This is almost immediately followed by a setup of our “B” story: Abe trying to buy Cleo the perfect Snowflake Day gift. He doesn’t have dough to buy her anything expensive so he and Ghandi decide to get jobs.
Of course, it’s never that easy, so Abe and Gandhi toil away at Napoleon’s restaurant and start to wonder if it’s really worth it. Ghandi sets his crotch on fire…
I saw this at Chevy’s once…
And Napoleon makes Abe eat a glass he broke, which I’m fairly sure is illegal.
“We eat our mistakes here, Monsieur Abe!’ (Look at that smug asshole’s expression)
Work is pretty miserable until they inadvertently create a utensil that could change the way we eat food forever, the “Knork”!
Meanwhile, Joan is helping a Snowflake Jake impersonator in the mall, still grouchy, still miserable, and contemplating why she does it every year! As she heads out to be rid of Snowflake Jake’s chum bucket, she meets a very interesting derelict with a familiar voice.
“If you don’t fill my rack with cumin this year, I swear to God, I’ll get you fired!”
Is that Mandy Moore?! Yes! Yes it is!
After the first act break, we’re treated with more wonderful Mr. Scudsworth stories, this time about how he’s been able to remove the warts on his foot, save for one, which he has made part of the family.
He named it Gary!
Back to the ‘A’ story, where Abe and Gandhi are developing their prototype for the “Knork” with HILARIOUS results.
“Did I ever tell you how I got these scars?”
The final design: A coal-powered monstrosity. This will surely end well, right?
Now we’re treated to the origin of Snowflake Day, presented via that classic “Rankin/Bass” stop-motion style. Long story short, the world was tired of every religion telling the rest of the world they’re excluded.
Santa, Dreidelstein, and King Kwanza, about to walk Snowflake Jake’s plank
Snowflake Jake gets the other holiday mascots to admit their holidays are oppressive and everyone celebrates in a non-exclusionary manner.
“Specificity be the enemy of unity”
As the credits roll on the special, we’re treated to Joan continuing to be a Grinch and repeatedly trying to sabotage everyone else’s Snowflake Day.
Razorblades in the weenies…?
Itching powder in the traditional Snowflake Day eye patches? Joan, you’re out of control!
More on Joan later though, as it’s now Abe and Gandhi’s chance to sell themselves and their “Knork” to the public. It goes so well. It all just goes so, so well!
That’s how you know your product is a hit!
The price you pay for entrepreneurship.
As Abe and Gandhi give up on their dreams and Abe decides to create something from the heart, Joan slowly finds hers, and is treated to the real meaning of Snowflake Day!
Gather around me you smelly, broken down souls, I will protect you!
Now we’re at Cleo’s Snowflake Day party as Abe and Cleo exchange gifts. Cleo’s utterly disappointed that Abe didn’t get her anything A) expensive B) bought and C) NOT lovingly handcrafted!
Isn’t that niiiiiiiice
She gifts him his own Knork, which cause Abe to lose it, after he worked so hard on a “Love Coupon Book”. Abe tried to find solace in some bite sized weenies.
FUCK THIS NOISE
Poor Abe, his face took so much punishment this episode
Wrapping everything up, and bringing both stories to their conclusion, Joan arrives with her new homeless friends and shares everything she’s learned. We’re even treated to a cameo by the show’s best character, Genghis Kahn!
Best. Character. EVER!
Once again, Joan seems to gather huddled masses around her
Our closing gag is the hot, homeless woman gathering everyone in the basement to prepare for Snowflake Jake’s arrival, only to rob them of everything valuable. Ahhh the sweet Snowflake Day spirit!
And we bid you adieu from Clone High!
Jesus is never mentioned nor discussed. There IS a Clone High character named Jesus Cristo, but he’s not in this episode. No heavenly presence here.
Aside from nearly dying in the Snowflake Jake, Santa’s presence is like Jesus’, nonexistent in the world of Clone High. Snowflake Jake is clearly an allegory for Santa Claus though, so…
Well, as there is no Christmas I suppose I could give this zero spirit balls but there is some holiday spirit so I guess I can cut it a little slack.
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