A Cartoon Christmas

Because so many of you responded well to the last entry, and I haven’t stopped dicking around with the Canon Rebel T2i…
How ‘bout another helping of amateur photography?! Recently my lady and I hopped a train over to Oakland to something called “The White Elephant Sale.” I’m familiar with what White Elephant is because I work in an office (and I’ve seen The Office.)

Perhaps you remember Slappy Squirrel from Animaniacs?

But it’s a bit of a misnomer here, since it’s basically a gigantic, drastically reduced yard sale! No Yankee swaps, just cheap, beautiful trash as far as the eye can see.

Everything must go! Including this Chinese Chip

If there’s anything I love more than old toys, it’s old toys others treat as garbage. I love trash! I’ve seen Toy Story too many times, so I’m subconsciously convinced I’m the Oscar Schindler of playthings. Not a goddamned thing here cost more than twenty-five cents. And because the world is full of idiots who just don’t know any better, I get to scoop up figures of some of my favorite characters in all of history.

Owl, soon to be voiced my Craig Ferguson in Winnie the Pooh

I’d been running into these little Disney statues with the gold plastic pedestal and I’m as shocked as you are that I couldn’t immediately tell what/where the were from.

Another Elliot from Pete’s Dragon in front of an Oakland bridge

Of course that giant, rounded “M” on the bottom provided a clue, but it didn’t start to get me curious until I kept coming upn more and more of these things while ravaging bins in thrift stores. Four’s the magic number with Mickey D’s toys, and some of these characters were getting a little obscure, to say the least…

O’Malley from The Aristocats

AHA, thank you internet! Apparently, they’re part of McDonalds and Disney’s 100 Years of Magic campaign in 2002. “100 years of what?” I hear you asking, Mickey wasn’t born until 1928 after all. Walt Disney’s birth apparently, which is total bullshit because you know he showed no signs of wizardry until at least the age of five.

Another Chip, from the 100 Years collection

Either way, to celebrate Walt’s emergence day, the diabetes peddler crafted ONE HUNDRED of these things. So yeah, looks like I’m just getting started on a new collection – WOOOOO! (*sigh*) Like I said before, I’m a much bigger fan of toys that don’t do shit. Ya know, inaction figures that just sit there and look badass? McDonalds does (did) right by me with this line. Burger King, however….

You’re lucky you’re Dinosaurs related, Charlene

See the stupid tube stretching behind the good daughter dinosaur? It’s attached to a trigger that moves a phone to her head… I know: FUN! But then I found this timeless thing!

Robin Hood from… c’mon, you know

Robin was actually part of an earlier McDonalds promotion that ran when I actually worked there! Truth be told, I NEVER stole food while I was in their horrible, minimum wage employ. Food was half price, and employees were restricted from eating food destined for the goddamned garbage. Literally letting us know we were worth less than its own refuse.

I was young, foolish, and actually concerned with being a good employee to a company that takes no shame in poisoning its customers and exploiting the retarded. Never once stealing food from them is something I regret immensely.

Sword in the Stone‘s Merlin is part of the same collection

But I stole a shitload of these Disney toys! As part of the 1995 Masterpiece promotion, these came in giant facimilies of Disney’s VHS boxes, so I’d routinely shove them in my pockets after clocking out. I wish I could take more pride in that, but I clearly recall being spotted with my khakis bulging out to look like Amelia Earhart’s pants (or, Launchpad McQuack’s in this case) and my manager just shook her head as if to say “Who gives a shit?” Me! And apparently I still do?

Okay, I may not have given up on Vinylmations yet either…